When Someone Really Listens, We Heal Never underestimate the power of talking with someone who really listens. Our culture doesn’t encourage people to talk about their emotional pain. Our culture teaches people to suppress their feelings. One example of this is when only certain emotions are deemed “appropriate.” Most people, when they feel upset, benefit by talking to someone who listens patiently, nonjudgmentally, empathically, and who shows that he/she understands at a deep level. Depression is no different from any other emotional pain, in this sense. If everyone who felt depressed was comfortable talking about it to a good listener, we would have far fewer depressed people—possibly even fewer people on antidepressants. Recently, a psychiatrist who was treating a friend of mine said that few people truly have a chemical imbalance causing their depression. Ideally, we would all have this in our lives without having to pay someone to get it. © Copyright 2012 GoodTherapy.org.
5 Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in Your Relationships When I was younger I often felt inadequate and “not good enough” to be friends, lovers, or business partners with certain people. Sometimes I simply couldn’t understand what others saw in me. I was very insecure. I ended many promising relationships because of my insecurity. In my mind, it felt easier for me to end it before they did. So what did I do, and what can you do if insecurity is damaging your relationships? You need to understand that a good relationship is about sharing ideas and enjoyable moments with another, to help each other grow in healthy ways, both together socially and as individuals. 1. Most relationship problems and associated social anxieties start with bad communication, which in turn leads to attempted mind reading. If someone says one thing, don’t assume they mean something else. It’s also important to remember that you aren’t suppose to know every little thing going on in the minds of others, even the people closest to you. 2. 3. 4. 5. The floor is yours…
On Marrying the Wrong Person Anyone we might marry could, of course, be a little bit wrong for us. We don’t expect bliss every day. We know that perfection is not on the cards. Nevertheless, there are couples who display such deep-seated incompatibility, such heightened rage and disappointment, that we have to conclude that something else is at play beyond the normal scratchiness: they appear to have married the wrong person. How do such errors happen, in our enlightened, knowledge-rich times? Given that it is about the single costliest mistake any of us can make (it places rather large burdens on the state, employers and the next generation too), there would seem to be few issues more important than that of marrying intelligently. It’s all the more poignant that the reasons why people make the wrong choices are rather easy to lay out and unsurprising in their structure. One: We don’t understand ourselves © Agatha A. All of us are crazy in very particular ways. Two: We don’t understand other people - how are they mad
How to Choose the Right Person For You When you’re looking to build a healthy relationship, how do you make sure someone is right for you? For a long time, I had no idea. So I asked other people what they looked for in a partner, and I got answers like… “A sense of humor, attractiveness, intelligence, creativity, sexual compatibility, passion, an active lifestyle, a stable career.” I knew those qualities were important. After a breakup, I asked a former boss who had been happily married for over 20 years for advice. “Do they respect you?” This simple guideline has profoundly changed the relationships in my life. Once you like someone, respect is the first thing you should be screening for. None of the other qualities will matter if you aren’t treated well. By prioritizing your self-respect you immediately: Avoid wasting time on unfulfilling relationships that make you feel miserable.Spend time being happy and building healthy relationships with good people.Reinforce your self-worth. Want to build healthy relationships with women?
On Being Romantic or Classical We are – each one of us – probably more one than the other. The categories explain a lot about us; how we approach nature, what makes us laugh, our attitudes to love, what our politics are… We may not be used to conceiving ourselves in these terms, but the labels Romantic and Classical usefully bring into focus some of the central themes of our personalities and help us to gain a clearer hold on the underlying structure of our enthusiasms and concerns. What follows are a few of the central contrasting characteristics of Romantic and Classical personalities: 1. Intuition vs. Romantics relish things that seem slightly to defy rational explanations. In particular, they think one shouldn’t always attempt to take apart emotions as they relate to love, to the more spiritual varieties of experiences and to art and literature. Classicists, on the other hand, are wary of intuition. 2. Romantics have often been wary of teaching and instruction. 3. 4. 5. Romantics don’t believe in how things are.
How to Be a Better Conversationalist Being able to hold good conversation is the foundation of every social interaction. Without this ability, getting past small talk and building stronger connections is damn near impossible. We talk to people every single day yet we get nervous and struggle during the moments that matter most. I’ve always been decent at riffing with people I already knew or was introduced to in a casual setting, like school or parties. But over the last few years in the real world, I’ve had to learn how to converse with many different people in many different situations. Stay in the conversation Get out of your own head and into the conversation. If you’re thinking about what to say next you’re not involved enough. Make statements Asking questions are great for getting to know someone, when used wisely. Statements are much more comforting and natural. Rephrase your questions as statements. Use hook points Have no idea what to say next? Let’s use the example above, “You’re definitely from Boston.”
Bezglutenska prehrana – trend ili potreba? – Alternativa Informacije Mnogo je ljudi koji danas u glutenu vide uzrok brojnih zdravstvenih problema. O tome koliko je taj trend raširen govori i činjenica da postoji epizoda South Parka na tu temu, znakovita naziva Gluten-free ebola! Osobno mi je ova pojava vrlo zanimljiva jer kada sam se prije desetak godina počela baviti edukacijom o zdravoj prehrani, gotovo nitko nije znao za gluten. Danas mi se pak događa da me i mala djeca, kada poslužim hranu, pitaju: „Teta, a je l’ u tome ima glutena? Cijela halabuka oko glutena postala je pomalo iritantna. Što je zapravo gluten? Gluten je protein koji sadrže žitarice pšenica, raž i ječam. Prehrana s visokim udjelom nefermentiranih žitarica, pogotovo pšenice, opterećuje cijeli probavni sustav. Kako žitarice učiniti probavljivijima? U različitim kulturama diljem svijeta žitarice su ostavljane da se namaču, klijaju ili fermentiraju prije pripremanja kaša, kruha, pogača i variva. Namakanje i fermentiranje Jesu li svi proizvodi s oznakom ‘bez glutena’ zdravi? – Dunja Gulin
25 Psychological Life Hacks that Will Help You Gain the Advantage in Social Situations Social situations are among the most important in our lives. Yet, there is a huge chance that you are oblivious to the plethora of unwritten social rules that structure everybody’s behaviour. Failing to comply to these cultural imprints can cause irreversible damage. Just following them blindly will not get you ahead. Hacking them, however, will give you the best results possible. Therefore we bring to you these – 25 psychological life hacks that will help you gain the advantage in social situations 1) Assume comfort in any interaction. Our brain is an incredibly complicated instrument. In most of our social interactions, we find it difficult to feel comfortable among strangers because our brain tries to protect us from exposure. This however isn’t helping us when trying to be social and meet new people, is it? This is why assuming comfort is so powerful. 2) Pay attention to people’s feet when you are approaching them. If they turn both torso and feet, it means you are welcome. Admit it.