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The Fear of Hurting the Other and the Inhibition of Self

The Fear of Hurting the Other and the Inhibition of Self
Click here to contact Beverly and/or see her Profile Even when it is unintended, some people find it intolerable to hurt someone they love. To experience hurting the other can create shame, guilt and strong “I am a bad person” feelings. Marlene, a 27 year old married woman, came into my therapy office feeling anxious and depressed. What Marlene described to me suggested that she had issues she needed to work on as an individual and that as we did this she would be more able to address the difficulties in her relationship with Ben. While Ben might be particularly subject to feeling hurt or slighted, Marlene’s inability to tolerate hurting Ben and talk with him about these issues, made the relationship difficult. As Marlene and I talked, I wondered what made it so painful for Marlene to consider that something she said or did had the unintended consequences of hurting someone she cared about. Marlene considered my ideas with some skepticism. Find the Right Therapist Related:  Psycho

The Science of Loneliness: How Isolation Can Kill You Sometime in the late ’50s, Frieda Fromm-Reichmann sat down to write an essay about a subject that had been mostly overlooked by other psychoanalysts up to that point. Even Freud had only touched on it in passing. She was not sure, she wrote, “what inner forces” made her struggle with the problem of loneliness, though she had a notion. It might have been the young female catatonic patient who began to communicate only when Fromm-Reichmann asked her how lonely she was. “She raised her hand with her thumb lifted, the other four fingers bent toward her palm,” Fromm-Reichmann wrote. Fromm-Reichmann would later become world-famous as the dumpy little therapist mistaken for a housekeeper by a new patient, a severely disturbed schizophrenic girl named Joanne Greenberg. Her 1959 essay, “On Loneliness,” is considered a founding document in a fast-growing area of scientific research you might call loneliness studies. In a way, these discoveries are as consequential as the germ theory of disease.

Bystander Effect - What is the Bystander Effect What is the Bystander Effect? The term bystander effect refers to the phenomenon in which the greater the number of people present, the less likely people are to help a person in distress. When an emergency situation occurs, observers are more likely to take action if there are few or no other witnesses. In a series of classic studies, researchers Bibb Latane and John Darley (1) found that the amount of time it takes the participant to take action and seek help varies depending on how many other observers are in the room. As the participants sat filling out questionnaires, smoke began to fill the room. Example of the Bystander Effect The most frequently cited example of the bystander effect in introductory psychology textbooks is the brutal murder of a young woman named Catherine "Kitty" Genovese. Despite Genovese’s repeated calls for help, none of the dozen or so people in the nearby apartment building who heard her cries called police to report the incident. Suggested Readings: Listen:

The 12 Common Archetypes The 12 Common Archetypes By Carl Golden The term "archetype" has its origins in ancient Greek. The root words are archein, which means "original or old"; and typos, which means "pattern, model or type". The combined meaning is an "original pattern" of which all other similar persons, objects, or concepts are derived, copied, modeled, or emulated. The psychologist, Carl Gustav Jung, used the concept of archetype in his theory of the human psyche. Although there are many different archetypes, Jung defined twelve primary types that symbolize basic human motivations. Most, if not all, people have several archetypes at play in their personality construct; however, one archetype tends to dominate the personality in general. Return Home

The Psychology of Our Willful Blindness and Why We Ignore the Obvious at Our Peril by Maria Popova How to counter the gradual narrowing of our horizons. “Keep your baby eyes (which are the eyes of genius) on what we don’t know,” pioneering investigative journalist Lincoln Steffens wrote in a beautiful 1926 letter of life-advice to his baby son. And yet the folly of the human condition is precisely that we can’t know what we don’t know — as E.F. Schumacher elegantly put it in his guide for the perplexed, “everything can be seen directly except the eye through which we see.” What obscures those transformative unknowns from view are the unconscious biases that even the best-intentioned of us succumb to. The concept of “willful blindness,” Heffernan explains, comes from the law and originates from legislature passed in the 19th century — it’s the somewhat counterintuitive idea that you’re responsible “if you could have known, and should have known, something that instead you strove not to see.” Illustration from 'How To Be a Nonconformist,' 1968. Donating = Loving

7 Things You Need to Know About Narcissists, From A Psychologist's Perspective Narcissists are everywhere, and they can be incredibly draining and challenging to deal with. Here are 7 things you need to know about narcissists, written from my perspective as a social psychologist and also inspired by my personal experiences with narcissists in my daily life. 1. A Significant Portion of the US Population are Narcissists An estimated 6.2% of the US population suffers from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), meaning they meet five or more of the following criteria according to the DSM-V: (as you read these, think about people you may know who might fit with the diagnosis) Many more people do not meet all of the criteria for NPD, but may still exhibit narcissistic personality traits from time to time. 2. Is narcissism an inherited genetic trait? 3. Recent research in psychology shows that narcissism has been on the rise during the last 30 years, especially among young people. 4. 5. 6. Ask Them Questions (Narcissists Like to Talk but not to Listen) 7. Dr.

Hikikomori: una sindrome che colpisce gli adolescenti - Il lato oscuro del Web Il fenomeno Hikikomori è nato in Giappone dove è molto diffuso: si contano milioni di casi. E’ a tutti gli effetti una sindrome che colpisce soprattutto gli adolescenti. Fino a poco tempo fa, sembrava non aver interessato l’Italia, ma invece negli ultimi anni anche per noi questo termine sconosciuto, che sembrava molto distante, ha acquisito un significato e mette in allarme. Il vocabolario della lingua italiana Lo Zingarelli 2013 ha incluso tra i neologismi il termine giapponese Hikikomori (che significa “isolarsi”, stare in disparte”). La definizione Indica adolescenti segregati in camera davanti al computer che interrompono qualunque contatto con la vita reale presente al di fuori delle mura domestiche. L’hikikomori trascorre il suo tempo online: si crea un profilo ben preciso, un’immagine che vuole dare di sé all’esterno, che molto spesso non coincide con la sua reale identià. Secondo alcuni psicoterapeuti, come la Dott.

Some Scientists Believe Loneliness is Becoming an Epidemic by Natalie Shoemaker More and more adults report feeling lonely. It's not just the elderly, but younger adults 18 to 24 that are reporting these feelings of isolation. John Cacioppo and Stephanie Cacioppo from New Scientist write that loneliness is becoming a modern epidemic, even when we're more connected than ever, these thoughts of being alone together are breaking us down. Humans are social creatures--we thrive in groups and decline when we're alone for too long, often becoming depressed. In nature, fish on the edge of the school are more likely to be attacked by predators, so their sense of self-preservation heightens. People can become socially withdrawn over time, which can make them hostile toward others. The Cacioppos report that therapies to reduce these feelings have had little effect on people's isolated states. "Given the scale of the problem today, the hunt for better treatments of all types deserves high priority." Loneliness has become a real threat to our health.

Le capacità cognitive diffuse degli insetti sociali Nelle vespe sociali le aree cerebrali destinate a elaborare i processi cognitivi sono più ristrette che nelle vespe solitarie. Questo modello evolutivo è opposto a quello osservato nei vertebrati, nei quali quelle aree si sono espanse. La ragione di questa diversità sarebbe il tipo fondamentalmente diverso di socialità di insetti e vertebrati(red) Negli insetti sociali la struttura della società ha influenzato la complessità cerebrale in modo opposto a quanto è avvenuto nei vertebrati: negli insetti le regioni del cervello destinate all'elaborazione cognitiva centrale infatti si sono ridotte, mentre nei vertebrati si sono espanse. In tutti i vertebrati – dai mammiferi ai pesci agli uccelli - via via che il comportamento sociale si è evoluto, le aree cerebrali destinate a controllarlo hanno acquisito progressivamente più importanza e spazio. Questo non “Le colonie di insetti – dice O'Donnell - invece di solito sono gruppi familiari. Questo non

A Short Dictionary of Psychoanalysis Views: 3466 All subjects have their specialised vocabularies; a set of words that initially sound unusual, even a touch frightening, but that can also prove oddly beautiful and beguiling. To their enemies, key words are mere jargon, but jargon has its advantages: it allows us swiftly to get a firm hold of ideas that might otherwise have been confusing and cumbersome. Psychoanalysis has been very fruitful at generating a vocabulary. Defence Mechanism A DEFENCE MECHANISM is a way to save ourselves from mental anguish, by interpreting our own behaviour and that of other people in a way that affirms our self-love. Pleasure Principle THE PLEASURE PRINCIPLE is the idea that we are fundamentally geared to seek pleasure. Gratitude It’s very hard to say thank you. Transitional Object Projection PROJECTION occurs when what you think is going on in another person is really coming from you. Sublimation SUBLIMATION is the process whereby we convert unacceptable desires into acceptable conduct.

La condanna degli alessitimici: non sapere esprimere le proprie emozioni | Paola Auricchio "Date parole al dolore: il dolore che non parla bisbiglia al cuore sovraccarico e gli ordina di spezzarsi" (Machbeth, atto IV, scena III. Shakespeare) "È difficile dirti ciò che provo". Quante volte, parlando con un amico o con il proprio ragazzo/a, abbiamo pronunciato questa frase e soprattutto, abbiamo avuto difficoltà a dire alle persone care quello che proviamo per loro. Eppure a volte, risulta faticoso esprimere a parole quello che si prova. Alcune persone sono incapaci di riconoscere le emozioni, infatti il termine Alessitimia (dal greco a mancanza; lèxis parola; thimos emozione) significa "mancanza di parole per le emozioni", una sorta di "analfabetismo emozionale, una difficoltà non solo nel riconoscere le emozioni, ma anche quella di esplorare e di esprimerle. Il costrutto dell'alessitimia si basa su osservazioni cliniche condotte all'inizio su pazienti che soffrivano di disturbi classificati come psicosomatici. (Questo post è apparso per la prima volta su Antro di Chirone)

How to Identify Being a Narcissistic Extension: 9 Steps Edit Article Edited by Amelia in the Forest, Maluniu, Eric, Flickety and 19 others Narcissism is a complex and often misunderstood character disorder. Less attention has been paid to the person who supplies what the narcissist needs. Ad Steps 1Know what narcissism really is. 9Heal your wounds and rise again, liberated from that person's negative influence on you. Tips Be very wary of excessive expressions of love, in words. Warnings The most important warning is not to rebound from such a relationship. The Female Narcissist Here is another post in my ongoing series on narcissism. For you men who are healthy and would never fall into a female narcissist’s trap, another post will be up shortly. When the female narcissist targets you, she moves with great speed. The first time you meet her she seems to appear out of nowhere. But in fact, she has been watching you for a minute and sizing you up for the kill. She has figured out your vulnerabilities and she will use them to get what she wants: fame (if you’re a celebrity), power, or wealth. The female Narcissist is attractive, intelligent, very charming and highly confident that she can take everything you own. The female narcissist makes up for what she lacks by constructing a false sense of self. You might think you’re in love with her, but her ultimate goal is to destroy you (emotionally) and leave your life in ruins. The narcissistic female craves attention. There are many warning signs and red flags that you are dealing with a female narcissist.

Are you a Spiritual Narcissist? We humans often have a hard time finding middle ground. We may be drowning in lack of self-worth one moment, and trampling over other’s with our own self indulgence the next as we struggle to find balance. Narcissism is not simply about enjoying selfies in our social media-saturated world, it goes deeper than that. It appears as liberation but is a trap that can ruin relationships, increase personal suffering, and keep a person from their true spiritual aspirations. What is Spiritual Narcissism? The capacity to become overly self-indulgent is within all of us, and it becomes increasing dangerous when we confuse it with spirituality. The capacity to become overly self-indulgent is within all of us We do not have to be ashamed of what we are. There is a difference between ego-self and the deeper universal soul within us, differentiating the two is important. There is a difference between ego-self and the deeper universal soul within us Finding the Antidote to Self-absorption