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6 Things From History Everyone Pictures Incorrectly

6 Things From History Everyone Pictures Incorrectly
It's a running theme here at Cracked that a lot of what we think we know about history has been filtered through many centuries of utter bullshit. Our image of the past is largely made up of Hollywood inventions, propaganda and uneducated guesses. So you will probably be surprised to find that... Note: We don't want to be cruel, but your life is pretty much the most boring life that could possibly exist. No, if you want adventure, the only reliable place to look for it is in the past -- only you've got all that shit wrong, too! The Perception: We get so busy being amazed by the Pyramids, with their massive, meticulously layered sandy golden bricks, that we forget that what we're seeing are the broken-down remnants. The Reality: What we think of today as the Pyramids are really just the exposed layers of the structural base. Pharaohs liked tacky shit? And since the Pyramids were the tombs of the pharaohs, they made sure they were the biggest, most sparkly things of all. Related:  900 Geography & History

Norton I, Emperor of the United States Joshua A. Norton So much has been written about Emperor Norton, and interest in this ninteenth-century character continues into the twenty-first century. Many of the “decrees” attributed to Norton I were fakes; written in jest by newspaper editors at the time for amusement, or for political purposes. Those “decrees” listed here were, we believe, actually issued by Norton. September 17, 1859 – Joshua A. December 2, 1859 – Norton I dismissed Gov. February 1, 1860 – Decree from Norton I ordered representatives of the different states to assemble at Platt’s Music Hall to change laws to ameloriate the evils under which the country was laboring. July 16, 1860 – Decree from Norton I dissolved the United States of America. October 1, 1860 – Decree from Norton I barred Congress from meeting in Washington, D.C. February 5, 1861– Norton I changed the place of his National Convention to Assembly Hall, Post and Kearny, because Platt’s Music Hall had burned. Return to top of page

8 Historic Symbols That Mean The Opposite of What You Think Misunderstood By: Libertarians, Glenn Beck. Glenn Beck has recently found a soul mate in Thomas Paine, the Founding Father known for his Revolutionary War tract Common Sense. So much so that he's gone so far as to rewrite Common Sense for the modern era, essentially stuffing words hand over fist into the mouth of a centuries-dead political philosopher for the soul-shriveling disgust Beck knows Paine would feel about Barack Obama. Libertarians and tea partiers are so enamored by their new ideological BFF that they've taken to dressing up like him on YouTube and spouting off about the evils of taxation, weak foreign policy and too many brown people. But Beck and his minions could probably benefit from actually reading some Thomas Paine. "Pay as a remission of taxes to every poor family, out of the surplus taxes, and in room of poor-rates, four pounds a year for every child under fourteen years of age." An entitlement paying old people to support them for not working?

7 Insanely Advanced Weapons History Somehow Forgot About As we have mentioned before, technological breakthroughs aren't always built upon or improved -- oftentimes they're just outright forgotten, destroyed or lost to some ridiculous accident. The same goes with military technology. Some ancient weapons were literally centuries ahead of their time yet wound up in the trash when society decided they were simply too awesome for their time. Like ... 14th-Century Cruise Missiles As you're about to find out, the Chinese have a knack for inventing truly awesome things and then forgetting all about them. The Chinese also invented tofu, but that's barely interesting enough to deserve a caption. These 14th-century weapons took inspiration from another weapon, fire-birds, which were actual birds that were outfitted with small pouches of smoldering embers around their necks and released into enemy cities. But seriously, birds are the worst. Hopefully it was a little less conspicuous than this picture would have us believe. Made from real tigers.

5 Artifacts That Will Shatter Your Image of the Middle Ages I don't know about you, but I always thought the Middle Ages were strictly about dying at age 30 and giant birds posing as doctors. But it turns out that Renaissance Fair jugglers were right -- people of medieval days were actually pretty funny. Like Spencer's novelty gifts funny. For proof, look no further than these hilarious artifacts they left us. #5. Konrad Seusenhofer, 1511-1514, Royal Armouries. When you think of Henry VIII, you probably picture Dom DeLuise in a dress. Turkey drumstick in one hand, lady parts in the other -- that's how we like our H8. Royal ArmouriesIf the Urkelbot made a baby with a mentally challenged goat, this is what you'd get. Sometime around 1511, the Holy Roman Emperor commissioned master armor craftsman Konrad Seusenhofer to create this steampunk amalgamation of fear and awesome as a gift for young King Henry. Imagine if you came across a guy whose smile revealed a tiny privacy fence where his teeth should be. Royal Armouries Hourglass chain is optional.

10 Genocides Forgotten By History History It can be almost impossible to keep up on all types of world affairs but it seems like everyone should be aware of a possible genocide. Sadly, atrocious genocides from the past, and even ones that could be taking place right now, are not always in the global spotlight. 10Germany Murders 80 Percent Of The Herero Tribe The southern African country of Namibia is a tough place to live. The Namibian coastline is nearly 2,000 kilometers (1,200 mi) of barren sand dunes and rocky terrain unsuited for crops—but it also holds wealth in the form of diamonds, rare metals, and gemstones. Tensions between the Germans and the locals rose quickly, as the scarce water supply became scarcer and the tribe’s cattle, their only livelihood, were taken from them. In response, the German government sent a brutal leader, Lieutenant-General Lother von Trotha, along with 10,000 heavily armed men to put down the uprising. Prior to the uprising, 80,000 Herero lived across Namibia. 8The Parsley Massacre

10 Eerie Items of Clothing from the Past Creepy Fashion is a product of its time. Centuries from now, people are going to look back on us and wonder why we strangled ourselves with neckties, just like we can look back on the past and wonder why they wore nightmare fuel. When we think of an executioner, that’s what we picture—a brute in a mask. Contrary to popular belief, the hood was far from common. The capirote look creepy and uncomfortable, but that’s the point. It was also used for grimmer purposes: prisoners sentenced to death would wear the capirote, and people condemned by the Inquisition would be forced to wear them in public to make them targets of humiliation. The capirote’s bad reputation has lasted to the present day, as it served as the inspiration for the costumes worn by the KKK. Great, so not only are the KKK racist, they’re plagiarists, too. Lepers had it rough. Leper colonies still exist in places where the disease can’t be easily treated, although they no longer have to wear the outfit. Yikes! Good lord.

32 Surreal Places On Earth That Belong In A Dream. I’ve Never Wanted To Travel So Badly… During the rainy season, the world’s largest salt flat becomes the world’s largest mirror. The Salar was born when several prehistoric lakes joined into one. The salt flat is so reflective, it’s used to calibrate satellites. Tianzi Mountains, China These unqiuely tall and thin mountains are so alien that they were used in James Cameron’s “Avatar.” Sentinels of the Arctic, Finland These sentinels are actually giant trees covered in snow and ice. Reed Flute Caves, China This 240-meter-long cave system has been one of Guilin, China’s most popular attractions for over 1200 years. Skaftafell Ice Cave, Iceland Ice caves are temporary structures that form at the edge of glaciers when flowing water melts a hole into glaciers. Antelope Canyon, Arizona, United States This canyon was formed by millions of years of flowing water that carved out a deep, yet narrow crevice. Bigar Waterfall, Romania The locals call this waterfall “the miracle from the Minis gorge.” Sea of Stars, Vaadhoo Island, Maldives

Major Anasazi Regions and Sites | Manitou Cliff Dwellings At least from the time of Jesus, and for possibly 1,500 years before, the Anasazi occupied a huge chunk of mostly arid and barren real estate in the Four Corners Area of the American Southwest where four modern states – Colorado, New Mexico, Arizona and Utah – join at one point. Many 19th century archaeologists believed that the Anasazi disappeared after they abandoned major cities like Mesa Verde and Chaco near the end of the 13th century. Now, we know that they didn’t just vanish into thin air, but migrated to the Río Grande Valley, Hopi, Zuni, Acoma and other pueblos in Arizona and New Mexico. Scattered throughout the immense area once occupied by the Anasazi are hundreds of thousands of sites, ranging from caves and individual campsites in the open to multi-story adobe pueblos and magnificent cliff-side stone cities. Included in the Chaco Region are the following major Anasazi sites: Included in or near the Northern San Juan Region are Anasazi sites at: