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6 Things From History Everyone Pictures Incorrectly

6 Things From History Everyone Pictures Incorrectly
It's a running theme here at Cracked that a lot of what we think we know about history has been filtered through many centuries of utter bullshit. Our image of the past is largely made up of Hollywood inventions, propaganda and uneducated guesses. So you will probably be surprised to find that... Note: We don't want to be cruel, but your life is pretty much the most boring life that could possibly exist. No, if you want adventure, the only reliable place to look for it is in the past -- only you've got all that shit wrong, too! The Perception: We get so busy being amazed by the Pyramids, with their massive, meticulously layered sandy golden bricks, that we forget that what we're seeing are the broken-down remnants. The Reality: What we think of today as the Pyramids are really just the exposed layers of the structural base. Pharaohs liked tacky shit? And since the Pyramids were the tombs of the pharaohs, they made sure they were the biggest, most sparkly things of all. Related:  900 Geography & History

Norton I, Emperor of the United States Joshua A. Norton So much has been written about Emperor Norton, and interest in this ninteenth-century character continues into the twenty-first century. Many of the “decrees” attributed to Norton I were fakes; written in jest by newspaper editors at the time for amusement, or for political purposes. Those “decrees” listed here were, we believe, actually issued by Norton. September 17, 1859 – Joshua A. December 2, 1859 – Norton I dismissed Gov. February 1, 1860 – Decree from Norton I ordered representatives of the different states to assemble at Platt’s Music Hall to change laws to ameloriate the evils under which the country was laboring. July 16, 1860 – Decree from Norton I dissolved the United States of America. October 1, 1860 – Decree from Norton I barred Congress from meeting in Washington, D.C. February 5, 1861– Norton I changed the place of his National Convention to Assembly Hall, Post and Kearny, because Platt’s Music Hall had burned. Return to top of page

17 Images That Will Ruin Your Childhood Nostalgia is a sucker's game. We imagine all the toys and TV shows from childhood as perfect and awesome purely because our immature brains hadn't developed the ability to joylessly pick things apart for their flaws. The songs we liked at age 10 weren't any better than the Justin Bieber stuff the 10-year-old girls love now. So it's good to go back and look at our childhood icons through adult eyes. OK, maybe "good" isn't the word for it ... (For a look inside the Star Wars universe that WON'T ruin your childhood, watch Cracked's adventures in Jedi School.) "Luke! The Child Saw: The "bottomless" chasm is as much a staple of the Star Wars universe as the lightsaber. Ruined By: ... onto a bunch of used garage sale mattresses. That behind-the-scenes pic is from the coffeetable book The Making of Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. While we're on Star Wars ... "Guys, Make Sure Kenny Hasn't Suffocated." It's not like it's some shock to find out R2-D2 isn't "real." R2-D2 is a dwarf eating a hot dog.

Top 5 Funniest Fake Facebook Pages With over 250 million users, Facebook is a social networking behemoth. The site is host to thousands of celebrity fan pages and has been taking steps to make these more appealing to self-promoters. On Saturday Bill Gates revealed that he's not a Facebook user, and many other famous names are notably absent from the site. Which leads us to wonder...what might those pages look like? Fortunately, some of the web's most creative minds had the exact same thought, and below we bring you the very best fake Facebook pages. Click through to the sites to see the pages in full size and quality. 1.

Mittelalter Frühmittelalter: Merowinger und Karolinger pdf']);" href='/files/ebooks/weltgeschichte.pdf'> Als fränkisches Königsgeschlecht traten die Merowinger erstmals unter ihrem König Chlodio um 425 n. Immer wichtiger wurden die Hausmeier als Verwalter der Reiche. Der neue Herrscher Pippin II. konnte das Frankenreich 687 erneut einen, wobei sich jedoch die politische Macht eher Richtung Maas und Niederrhein verschob. Der wichtigste Herrscher der Karolinger war zweifellos Pippins Sohn Karl, der im Laufe seiner Herrschaft die Grenzen des Frankenreiches weit nach Osten ausdehnte. Hochmittelalter: Ottonen, Salier und Staufer Nachdem es den Karolingern nicht mehr gelang, das Reich gegen die Einfälle der Ungarn und Normannen zu beschützen, büßte das Herrschaftsgeschlecht deutlich an Macht ein. Auf die Ottonen folgten die Salier, denen es unter Konrad II. gelang, Burgund wieder an das Reich anzuschließen und somit die Verbindung nach Italien zu sichern. Spätmittelalter

8 Historic Symbols That Mean The Opposite of What You Think Misunderstood By: Libertarians, Glenn Beck. Glenn Beck has recently found a soul mate in Thomas Paine, the Founding Father known for his Revolutionary War tract Common Sense. So much so that he's gone so far as to rewrite Common Sense for the modern era, essentially stuffing words hand over fist into the mouth of a centuries-dead political philosopher for the soul-shriveling disgust Beck knows Paine would feel about Barack Obama. Libertarians and tea partiers are so enamored by their new ideological BFF that they've taken to dressing up like him on YouTube and spouting off about the evils of taxation, weak foreign policy and too many brown people. But Beck and his minions could probably benefit from actually reading some Thomas Paine. "Pay as a remission of taxes to every poor family, out of the surplus taxes, and in room of poor-rates, four pounds a year for every child under fourteen years of age." An entitlement paying old people to support them for not working?

5 Creepy Ways Video Games Are Trying to Get You Addicted So, the headlines say somebody else has died due to video game addiction. Yes, it's Korea again. What the hell? Look, I'm not saying video games are heroin. I totally get that the victims had other shit going on in their lives. Oh, hell yes. #5. If you've ever been addicted to a game or known someone who was, this article is really freaking disturbing. "Each contingency is an arrangement of time, activity, and reward, and there are an infinite number of ways these elements can be combined to produce the pattern of activity you want from your players." Notice his article does not contain the words "fun" or "enjoyment." "...at this point, younger gamers will raise their arms above their head, leaving them vulnerable." His theories are based around the work of BF Skinner, who discovered you could control behavior by training subjects with simple stimulus and reward. This sort of thing caused games researcher Nick Yee to once call Everquest a "Virtual Skinner Box." So What's The Problem? #4.

The 6 Most Unintentionally Hilarious Old School PSAs If you want to know why your parents are the way they are, it's because they were likely raised on a series of deeply disturbing educational films. Back before kids were raised by TV, these productions got shown in classrooms across the country, each one heavy on fear, but light on facts. As a public service, we've edited together highlights from some of the most hilariously bad lessons ever put on film. Take careful notes, or you might not learn that ... Pornography Will Literally Destroy Civilization As Learned From: Perversion for Profit a 1965 film commissioned by The Citizens for Decent Literature, presumably as porn for people with a self-hatred fetish. The film kicks off with host George Putnam introducing a series of firmly! "This'll teach 'em not to look at porn." Putnam points out that, "This same kind of rot ... and decay caused sixteen! That's right, kids, the Roman Empire wasn't brought down by economic decline or Germanic expansion. Homosexual Men are Bloodthirsty Predators

7 Insanely Advanced Weapons History Somehow Forgot About As we have mentioned before, technological breakthroughs aren't always built upon or improved -- oftentimes they're just outright forgotten, destroyed or lost to some ridiculous accident. The same goes with military technology. Some ancient weapons were literally centuries ahead of their time yet wound up in the trash when society decided they were simply too awesome for their time. Like ... 14th-Century Cruise Missiles As you're about to find out, the Chinese have a knack for inventing truly awesome things and then forgetting all about them. The Chinese also invented tofu, but that's barely interesting enough to deserve a caption. These 14th-century weapons took inspiration from another weapon, fire-birds, which were actual birds that were outfitted with small pouches of smoldering embers around their necks and released into enemy cities. But seriously, birds are the worst. Hopefully it was a little less conspicuous than this picture would have us believe. Made from real tigers.

11 Celebrities Who Were Secretly Total Badasses One of the small comforts of watching a movie is knowing that, yeah, those guys might be idols up on the big screen, but off-camera they're probably just like the rest of us: 30 pounds overweight, living in an abandoned semi-truck cab and selling weed for denture money. But every now and then, we come across actors whose real lives are even more incredible than their fake ones. Like ... If there's one thing that Han Solo is really good at, besides stupid ear-piercing decisions, it's being America's favorite aging action hero. The assumption, of course, is that in real life, Harrison Ford is nothing like the smooth operator he plays in movies, especially after we get a gander at that screaming midlife crisis of an ear hole up there. Sure you've flown a blimp Harrison Ford. The Badass: Ford is the real-world Han Solo, if Han Solo piloted helicopters, worked for free and actually liked helping people. "Look, Your Worshipfulness, a friend in need is a friend indeed." And your father.

5 Artifacts That Will Shatter Your Image of the Middle Ages I don't know about you, but I always thought the Middle Ages were strictly about dying at age 30 and giant birds posing as doctors. But it turns out that Renaissance Fair jugglers were right -- people of medieval days were actually pretty funny. Like Spencer's novelty gifts funny. For proof, look no further than these hilarious artifacts they left us. #5. Konrad Seusenhofer, 1511-1514, Royal Armouries. When you think of Henry VIII, you probably picture Dom DeLuise in a dress. Turkey drumstick in one hand, lady parts in the other -- that's how we like our H8. Royal ArmouriesIf the Urkelbot made a baby with a mentally challenged goat, this is what you'd get. Sometime around 1511, the Holy Roman Emperor commissioned master armor craftsman Konrad Seusenhofer to create this steampunk amalgamation of fear and awesome as a gift for young King Henry. Imagine if you came across a guy whose smile revealed a tiny privacy fence where his teeth should be. Royal Armouries Hourglass chain is optional.

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