I remember being endlessly entertained by the adventures of my toys. Some days they died repeated, violent deaths, other days they traveled to space or discussed my swim lessons and how I absolutely should be allowed in the deep end of the pool, especially since I was such a talented doggy-paddler. I didn't understand why it was fun for me, it just was. But as I grew older, it became harder and harder to access that expansive imaginary space that made my toys fun. I played out all the same story lines that had been fun before, but the meaning had disappeared. Depression feels almost exactly like that, except about everything. At first, though, the invulnerability that accompanied the detachment was exhilarating. The beginning of my depression had been nothing but feelings, so the emotional deadening that followed was a welcome relief. Which leads to horrible, soul-decaying boredom. Months oozed by, and I gradually came to accept that maybe enjoyment was not a thing I got to feel anymore.
Domesticated silver foxThe result of over 50 years of experiments in the Soviet Union and Russia, the breeding project was set up in 1959 by Soviet scientist Dmitri Belyaev. It continues today at The Institute of Cytology and Genetics at Novosibirsk, under the supervision of Lyudmila Trut. Initial experimentation In a time when centralized political control exercised over genetics and agriculture was an official state doctrine, known as Lysenkoism, Belyaev's commitment to classical genetics had cost him his job as head of the Department of Fur Animal Breeding at the Central Research Laboratory of Fur Breeding in Moscow in 1948. During the 1950s, he continued to conduct genetic research under the guise of studying animal physiology. Belyaev believed that the key factor selected for in the domestication of dogs was not size or reproduction, but behavior; specifically, tameability. The project also investigated breeding vicious foxes to study aggressive behavior. Current project status
Adventures in DepressionSome people have a legitimate reason to feel depressed, but not me. I just woke up one day feeling sad and helpless for absolutely no reason. It's disappointing to feel sad for no reason. Sadness can be almost pleasantly indulgent when you have a way to justify it - you can listen to sad music and imagine yourself as the protagonist in a dramatic movie. You can gaze out the window while you're crying and think "This is so sad. But my sadness didn't have a purpose. Essentially, I was being robbed of my right to feel self pity, which is the only redeeming part of sadness. And for a little bit, that was a good enough reason to pity myself. Standing around feeling sorry for myself was momentarily exhilarating, but I grew tired of it quickly. I tried to force myself to not be sad. But trying to use willpower to overcome the apathetic sort of sadness that accompanies depression is like a person with no arms trying to punch themselves until their hands grow back. Which made me more sad.
Free ebooks - Project GutenbergThis is Why I'll Never be an AdultI have repeatedly discovered that it is important for me not to surpass my capacity for responsibility. Over the years, this capacity has grown, but the results of exceeding it have not changed. Normally, my capacity is exceeded gradually, through the accumulation of simple, daily tasks. But a few times a year, I spontaneously decide that I'm ready to be a real adult. The first day or two of my plans usually goes okay. For a little while, I actually feel grown-up and responsible. At some point, I start feeling self-congratulatory. This is a mistake. I begin to feel like I've accomplished my goals. What usually ends up happening is that I completely wear myself out. The longer I procrastinate on returning phone calls and emails, the more guilty I feel about it. Then the guilt from my ignored responsibilities grows so large that merely carrying it around with me feels like a huge responsibility. It always ends the same way. And then I rebel.
Watercolor by techgnotic on deviantARTForvo: the pronunciation guide. All the words in the world pronounced by native speakersSubtype - WikisocionFrom Wikisocion A subtype system is a way of distinguishing between the personalities of people who are of the same (socionic) type. Many socionists use some kind of subtype system to help describe intratype differences (variations in personality, behavior, and/or appearance among people of the same socionic type). Years of experience studying intratype differences (in order to refine their idea of what is and is not related to socionic type) lead many socionists to create subtype systems that attempt to describe or explain these differences in some way.  Accepting/producing subtypes This is the subtype system most often used in the West, especially due to the ease of access in internet resources of the subtype descriptions by Viktor Gulenko and those by Meged and Ovcharov. Nevertheless, the concept of subtypes is useful in practice to explain some intratype differences, as well as intertype similarities.  Notation  Implications  Other Subtypes  Criticism
Amazing Underground Art In Stockholm’s Metro StationEmailEmail A casual underground ride in Stockholm becomes quite a treat for the eyes of the passengers, as most of the stations in the capital of Sweden are showcasing some amazing underground artwork. Russian software architect Alexander Dragunov must’ve really enjoyed his rides as well, and made some stunning shots of the underground artwork. Ever since 19th century, a debate has been going on in Sweden about the need to make art more accessible to people outside the salons. Website: adragunov.comPage-TurnerApril 8, 2014 Slide Show: Kurt Vonnegut’s Whimsical Drawings Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.,’s crude, ludic doodles—a beaver, a cobra, an asterisk-anus—are famous from novels like “Breakfast of Champions,” as is the curly-haired self-portrait that doubled as his signature. But making graphic art was, for Vonnegut, a hobby that extended beyond illustrations for his fiction: he painted seascapes and landscapes on Cape Cod in the nineteen-fifties; felt-tip drawings of abstract faces on discarded pages of manuscripts; and larger, more formal color drawings that he exhibited in a one-man show in Greenwich Village in 1980. Vonnegut described his artwork as a pursuit that liberated him from the oppressive work of writing. In “Fates Worse Than Death,” he wrote, “My own means of making a living is essentially clerical, and hence tedious and constipating.… The making of pictures is to writing what laughing gas is to the Asian influenza.”...Continue Reading >> What Muriel Spark Saw She loved lightning.
Egocide and suicide | The Psychology of MeLately, I’ve been thinking about egocide. (Why does my autocorrect want to change that to “geocode”??) I’m at the end of my rope and climbing back up is not an option. David Rosen, in his book Transforming Depression, describes egocide as “a symbolic killing of the ego that is experienced as ego death: a sacrifice of the ego to the Self, a higher principle.” The other day, as I was starting this post, I found a blog post about Buckminster Fuller’s egocide. Then, I was watching the last episode of Top of the Lake (streaming on Netflix) and there was the following conversation between Robin, the protagonist, and GJ, a guru-type. Robin: I don’t know how to keep living.GJ: So, you’re on your knees? Egocide is about death. The real question is: what images of myself, exactly, do I need to sacrifice? I don’t think there has to be something there to fill the gaping hole left by the sacrificed ego.