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Homer Simpson Quotes

Homer Simpson Quotes
D'oh! I hate Traffic. The band AND the phenomenon! Oh, why do my actions have consequences? I love going to aquatic parks. Thank goodness it's TGIF! Marge, I thought this was an inocuous lunch, but it's become terribly ocuous! When will I learn? Bingo! Ah, alcohol. What's the point of going out? Lisa, vampires are make believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos. Save me, Jeebus! Facts are meaningless - you could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! I'm not impressed easily. Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back, unless your tears smell like dog food. I don't hate your mother, I just won't be sad when she dies. How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Who are you? Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You/re making a scene'. I'm a 'Spalding Gray' in a 'Rick Dees' world. Donuts...is there anything they can't do? Trying is the first step toward failure. Because they're stupid, that's why. That's it! Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. English? Related:  Humour

Best One-Liners and Zingers The HyperTexts The Best One-Liners and Zingers compiled and edited by Michael R. Burch Related pages: Best Political Epigrams, Best Epigrams about Sex and Marriage, Best Humorous Epigrams This page contains some of the greatest one-liners and "zingers" in the English language. What does this colorful crowd of characters have in common: Alexander the Great, Woody Allen, Aristotle, Yogi Berra, Brutus, Julius Caesar, Catherine the Great, Winston Churchill, Albert Einstein, Ben Franklin, Mohandas Gandhi, Thomas Jefferson, JFK, Abraham Lincoln, Martial, Groucho Marx, Plato, Dorothy Parker, Dolly Parton, Will Rogers, Shakespeare, Socrates, Jonathan Swift, Mark Twain, Voltaire and Oscar Wilde? Answer: They all produced immortal epigrams! The Top Ten One-Liners of All Time ... In politics never retreat, never retract, never admit a mistake. Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses. If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to be a horrible warning. What a wickedly scathing line!

ERUDITE CONCEPTS If you're not familiar with the work of Boswell D. Rabbitsmith, he's the famous erudite scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates." His mind sees things differently than most of us do, to our amazement and amusement. Here are some of his gems: (He also makes his living as a comedian by the name of Steve Wright....) 1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back. 3 - Half the people you know are below average. 4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. 7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain. 9 - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand. 10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

10 Useful Web Apps for Designers | Design Woop | The Web Design and... - StumbleUpon DesignWoop welcomes this guest post by Tomas Laurinavicius. Since the iPhone and iPad entered the market you can hear lots of news about apps for these devices. Tons of apps available today and you can find everything you want. But today I would like to share 10 handy web-based apps for designers. To use these apps you don’t need to buy an iPhone or iPad, you can use them without any additional software or device, you just need a web browser. In this collection I’ve picked 10 useful and time-saving web apps for designers. Invoice Bubble Invoice Bubble is free invoice software that lets you create an invoice and send to your client in seconds. Gridulator Tell Gridulator your layout width and the number of columns you want, and it’ll spit back all the possible grids that have nice, round integers. Browize Useful tool for resizing current browser window size to set or custom resolutions. Screenr Screenr is a web-based tool that lets you create screencasts without installing any software. Kuler

Mobile Web Filter with Parental Controls for iPhone I have worked with Mobicip for the last three years in two different school sysytems. We use Mobicip as our browser and mobile filter. With Mobicip's premium account for our schools and our hundreds of units we know that inappropriate content is kept away from students and with Mobicip these tools can be used for teaching and learning.Thank you Mobicip! Susan Wells, PrincipalWG Pearson School, NC I've been using Mobicip for several years. RoofstompCustomer review from iOS App Store Mobicip has been working beautifully for us, we are very happy with your product. Cynthia ACustomer I've been using this app (first the Apple version and now the Android version) on my kids' devices for several years now, and every time I've had any kind of problem, the Support Team has managed to solve it for me. Mynhard RudolphCustomer review from Google Play store Thank you so much. Jason M.

The Flip Ship The FLIP Research Vessel (FLoating Instrument Platform) is the only ship in the world with the ability to flip from a horizontal to vertical position while at sea (at least on purpose). Built to study wave height, acoustical signals, water temperature, and density, the ship is 108 meters long and weighs 700 tons. Although it looks like a normal ship while is it en route to a location, upon arriving the front of the ship is flooded with water causing the back end to go horizontal. The procedure takes about 30 minutes, during which the crew must literally walk up the wall to remain standing. The ship contains a galley, crew quarters, and even bathrooms that work in both positions. Even in the stormiest seas, the Flip Ship is stable due to the majority of its mass being under the troubled water.

Math Jokes at WorkJoke.com - Profession Jokes How they prove that all odd integers higher than 2 are prime? There are three kinds of mathematicians:those who can count and those who can't. There are two groups of people in the world;those who believe that the world can bedivided into two groups of people,and those who don't. There are two groups of people in the world:Those who can be categorized into one of twogroups of people, and those who can't. The Flood is over and the ark has landed. A few months later, Noah decides to take a stroll and see how the animals are doing. Noah follows their advice. "Certainly", say the snakes. What is the integral of "one over cabin" with respect to "cabin"? A bunch of Polish scientists decided to flee their repressive government by hijacking an airliner and forcing the pilot to fly them to a western country. He sat down at the controls and tried to figure them out. The experimentalist calmly replied, "Have patience. What is "pi"? Top ln(e^10) reasons why e is better than pi The biologist: "Look!

LYRICS TO LIVE BY: Artists Artists The Deglon Meeting Knife Set - StumbleUpon Designed by Mia Schmallenbach, the Deglon Meeting Knife Set won first prize in the 5th European Cutlery Design Awards. This set of sculptural, nested knives is practical, durable and a work of art. The set is made of high quality stainless steel and seemingly appears to be created from a single block of stainless steel. To remove each knife, simply press down near the tip of the blade and lift knife away by the handle. The set includes 4 knifes, a paring knife, a utility knife, a chef knife and a slicer. You can buy it here.

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www.cs.columbia.edu/sip/sipit/funeral.txt Dear friends, It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following. Please join me in remembering a great icon. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly-greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. 12 Hilarious "I Have No Time to Explain" Posters Have something to say about this post? Don't be shy!

Related:  funny