This is Why I'll Never be an Adult
I have repeatedly discovered that it is important for me not to surpass my capacity for responsibility. Over the years, this capacity has grown, but the results of exceeding it have not changed. Normally, my capacity is exceeded gradually, through the accumulation of simple, daily tasks. But a few times a year, I spontaneously decide that I'm ready to be a real adult. The first day or two of my plans usually goes okay. For a little while, I actually feel grown-up and responsible. At some point, I start feeling self-congratulatory. This is a mistake. I begin to feel like I've accomplished my goals. What usually ends up happening is that I completely wear myself out. The longer I procrastinate on returning phone calls and emails, the more guilty I feel about it. Then the guilt from my ignored responsibilities grows so large that merely carrying it around with me feels like a huge responsibility. It always ends the same way. And then I rebel.