E-mails from an Asshole Original ad: I WANT YOUR COUCH IF ANYONE HAS AN UNWANTED COUCH I CAN COME GET IT. WILL TRAVEL UP TO 20 MINUTES FROM CONSHOHOCKEN. PLEASE SEND PICTURES. From Me to **********@*********.org: Hi there! Mike From Juan ********* to Me: From Me to Juan *********: Juan, The couch can seat three normal people, or two fat people. I am getting rid of the couch because my grandfather passed away on it a few weeks ago. The couch is still in very good condition. Why not? Don't put words in my mouth. I did forget to mention, I believe my grandfather defecated on the couch when he died (the paramedics say it happens all the time.) And this probably isn't a big deal, but he also had a cigar in his mouth and when he died it set part of the couch on fire. Why would you waste my time if you weren't going to take the couch? Would you be interested in the grill I am selling then?
How to Suck at Facebook All artwork and content on this site is Copyright © 2015 Matthew Inman. Please don't steal. TheOatmeal.com was lovingly built using CakePHP All artwork and content on this site is Copyright © 2015 Matthew Inman. TheOatmeal.com was lovingly built using CakePHP How Projects Really Work (version 1.0) created on 2006-07-24 How Projects Really Work (version 1.0). The Original. How the customer explained it How the project leader understood it How the analyst designed it How the programmer wrote it How the business consultant described it How the project was documented What operations installed How the customer was billed How it was supported What the customer really needed
Oh, So That’s What That Really Means (13 Pics) November 7, 2011 | 44 Comments » | Topics: LOL, Pics (via) Hot Stories From Around The Web Other Awesome Stories Top 50 Mistakes Women Make While Having Sex (Infographic) Jay Holzberg is the president and CEO of New York Pudding and a contributing author to The Campus Socialite. Sexual skill is something most often tasked to and expected of men, but sexual fulfillment is a two way street. Truly great sex requires skill and effort on the part of both partners, not just one. The following is an infographic meant to profile some of the most common mistakes that women make while having sex with men. Created By TheirToys.com Sex Toys More Posts You May Like: The 20 Hottest Photos Of Shay Maria…(Heavy) What To Talk About with Girls…(TSB Mag) Top 3 Signs She’s Playing You…(Mankind Unplugged) What If Dr. Charlie Sheen is Winning (Video Montage)…(H-Spot) Gravestones Intended to Make You Laugh.
ARE YOU A REAL PILOT? from Joe Burton An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?' He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. She said, 'I'm a lesbian. The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "are you a real pilot?" He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'
Horrible Cards Horrible Cards are Copyright © 2012 Matthew Inman. Please don't steal. The Oatmeal The Bureau of Communication - Fill-in-the-blank Correspondence Lots of Jokes - Anger Management When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know, but you know deserves it... I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying 'Hello.' I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?' Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right f***ing number!' I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an asshole!' I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, And put it in my desk drawer. It always cheered me up. So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.
The 1980s The 1980s were a horrifying decade when snorting cocaine was an Olympic sport and wearing skinny ties and pastel jackets was a requirement at most dining establishments. Also Duran Duran was huge. HUGE! And the horrible decisions didn't end there. Just The Facts The Taliban were our friends. The Trends Synthpop At some point during the 1980's, it was decided that shredding the guitar was for assholes. Unless you were Prince, who somehow managed to make the synthesizer sound timeless and awesome. Bright Colors You see that picture up there? Makeup The 1980s, when the men were men, the women were women, and men and women both looked like trashy street whores. I Want My MTV MTV, which once upon a time actually did mean Music Television, launched on August 1, 1981. The network kicked things off by playing "Video Killed the Radio Star" by The Buggles. Entertainment Important Albums L-R: Bruce Springsteen Born In the USA, REM Murmur, Prince Purple Rain, N.W.A. Important Movies
Stand-up Shots: Comedians at a Glimpse myqkaplan, Imgur In our on-going endeavor to introduce you to some of the best and brightest stand-up comedians in the business, today we shall be taking a look at one of the lesser known subreddits on Reddit.com, StandUpShots . While YouTube is the definitive source for discovering new comedians, it is not the only outlet. Sometimes we get busy and just don't have the time to sit through a full stand-up set, and this is where r/StandUpShots enters the game. Having problems viewing this?