background preloader

This was Actually Said.. -

This was Actually Said.. -
Related:  jokes

Funny Toddler/Baby Tees and Infant Body Suits | E-mails from an Asshole Original ad: I WANT YOUR COUCH IF ANYONE HAS AN UNWANTED COUCH I CAN COME GET IT. WILL TRAVEL UP TO 20 MINUTES FROM CONSHOHOCKEN. PLEASE SEND PICTURES. From Me to **********@*********.org: Hi there! Mike From Juan ********* to Me: From Me to Juan *********: Juan, The couch can seat three normal people, or two fat people. I am getting rid of the couch because my grandfather passed away on it a few weeks ago. The couch is still in very good condition. Why not? Don't put words in my mouth. I did forget to mention, I believe my grandfather defecated on the couch when he died (the paramedics say it happens all the time.) And this probably isn't a big deal, but he also had a cigar in his mouth and when he died it set part of the couch on fire. Why would you waste my time if you weren't going to take the couch? Would you be interested in the grill I am selling then?

How to Suck at Facebook All artwork and content on this site is Copyright © 2015 Matthew Inman. Please don't steal. was lovingly built using CakePHP All artwork and content on this site is Copyright © 2015 Matthew Inman. was lovingly built using CakePHP Mr. Fix It Man Strikes Again (17 Pics) Looking for more about [term]? For More Funny Fixes, click HERE Top

Management Exam The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional manager. Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT difficult. But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered the question! 1. The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. 2. Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator? Wrong Answer. Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. 3. Correct Answer: The Elephant. 4. Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across.

How Projects Really Work (version 1.0) created on 2006-07-24 How Projects Really Work (version 1.0). The Original. How the customer explained it How the project leader understood it How the analyst designed it How the programmer wrote it How the business consultant described it How the project was documented What operations installed How the customer was billed How it was supported What the customer really needed Oh, So That’s What That Really Means (13 Pics) November 7, 2011 | 44 Comments » | Topics: LOL, Pics (via) Hot Stories From Around The Web Other Awesome Stories

My collection of funny emails from my inbox. Subject: 5 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. "Great!" Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure. Lesson 2: A priest offered a Nun a lift. The priest removed his hand. Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. Lesson 3: "Me first! "Me next! Lesson 4: Lesson 5: Lesson 6:

Wal Mart Diagnosis Wal Mart Diagnosis One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow hurts like crazy. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. Top 50 Mistakes Women Make While Having Sex (Infographic) Jay Holzberg is the president and CEO of New York Pudding and a contributing author to The Campus Socialite. Sexual skill is something most often tasked to and expected of men, but sexual fulfillment is a two way street. Truly great sex requires skill and effort on the part of both partners, not just one. The following is an infographic meant to profile some of the most common mistakes that women make while having sex with men. Created By Sex Toys More Posts You May Like: The 20 Hottest Photos Of Shay Maria…(Heavy) What To Talk About with Girls…(TSB Mag) Top 3 Signs She’s Playing You…(Mankind Unplugged) What If Dr. Charlie Sheen is Winning (Video Montage)…(H-Spot) Gravestones Intended to Make You Laugh. - Funny Questions ARE YOU A REAL PILOT? from Joe Burton An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?' He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. She said, 'I'm a lesbian. The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "are you a real pilot?" He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'