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"Never Date a Writer" by xstephens

"Never Date a Writer" by xstephens
Never date a writer because she’ll fictionalize everything. She’ll write about things you have done to her, or things you never did for her. She’ll write about how you never bought her flowers. Not once. She’ll say in well-constructed prose how the whole time you were together, she never came home from a long week to see a vase full of roses, or daises, or anything. She’ll describe times you embarrassed her, like at a party. She’ll continue this emphasis on what you had done to her, by describing things she had found, but said nothing about. She’ll later describe the moment in the bedroom when she sat at the foot of the bed and you kneeled in front of her. And she’ll send you a manuscript and you’ll be on the couch where you both had sat and you’ll read every word. You’ll sit alone on that couch where you made love to her and you won’t move and the glass of whiskey on the table will not be touched. Related:  short stories

The Second Time You Fall In Love With Someone The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to feel so relieved. When you get your heart broken for the first time, you can’t imagine loving someone else again or having someone else love you. You worry about your ex finding love before you do, you worry about being damaged goods. And then it happens. The second time you fall in love with someone, it’s going to feel different. The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to compare it to your first love. The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to suffer from a bout of amnesia. The second time you fall in love with someone, you’ll be a more sane person. The second time you fall in love with someone, you will hopefully have better sex. The second time you fall in love with someone will still be exciting and you might even talk about moving in together or marriage. The second time will not be the first time.

The longest joke in the world. A man in the desert. So, there’s a man crawling through the desert. He’d decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn’t get it started again. There were no cell phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family, his parents had died a few years before in an auto accident, and his few friends had no idea he was out here. He stayed with the car for a day or so, but his one bottle of water ran out and he was getting thirsty. He thought maybe he knew the direction back, now that he’d paid attention to the sun and thought he’d figured out which way was north, so he decided to start walking. He thinks about walking at night to avoid the heat and sun, but based upon how dark it actually was the night before, and given that he has no flashlight, he’s afraid that he’ll break a leg or step on a rattlesnake. He walks for the entire day. is really getting tempting now.

Luciferous Logolepsy Welcome to Luciferous Logolepsy, a collection of over 9,000 obscure English words. Though the definition of an "English" word might seem to be straightforward, it is not. There exist so many adopted, derivative, archaic or abandoned words in what we loosely define as the "English Language", that a clear-cut definition seems impossible. For the purposes of this project though, words are included that may stretch any basic definitions. Particular attention has been paid to archaic words, as they tend to be more evocative - as if their very age lends additional meaning or overtones. (To build your own links to words, simply link to the page they are on, and add an anchor to the URL with the word, like this: ) The letters in the menu above link to separate pages with words listed in alphabetical order. Corrections, additions or comments?

White Rabbit Theories Whisper | Small Beer Press by Ray Vukcevich Sun 1 Jul 2001 - Filed under: Free Stuff to Read, Short Stories | 18 Comments And then she fired her parting shot. “I do not,” I said. Mistakes were made, relationships fell apart, and hurtful things were said. In the days that followed, I rearranged all the furniture. Her crack about me snoring wouldn’t leave me alone, probably because it poked something that had always worried me. The solution, once it hit me, seemed obvious. I set it up on the dresser across the room at the foot of the bed. The next day, there was no time to check the tape as I hurried through my morning ritual and left for work. I made myself a complicated drink and a plate of crackers with anchovies and cheese and sat down on the foot of my bed. There were the sounds of me changing positions and sighing as I tried to get to sleep. There were long periods of silence. I continued sampling a moment here and there and then moving on. “Ah ha,” I said. I was home free. Joanna had been jerking me around.

One Sentence - True stories, told in one sentence. Rikki-tikki-tavi At the hole where he went in Red-Eye called to Wrinkle-Skin. Hear what little Red-Eye saith: ``Nag, come up and dance with death!'' Eye to eye and head to head, (Keep the measure, Nag.) This shall end when one is dead; (At thy pleasure, Nag.) Turn for turn and twist for twist- (Run and hide thee, Nag.) Hah! This is the story of the great war that Rikki-tikki-tavi fought single-handed, through the bath-rooms of the big bungalow in Segowlee cantonment. He was a mongoose, rather like a little cat in his fur and his tail, but quite like a weasel in his head and his habits. One day, a high summer flood washed him out of the burrow where he lived with his father and mother, and carried him, kicking and clucking, down a roadside ditch. ``No,'' said his mother; ``let's take him in and dry him. ``Now,'' said the big man (he was an Englishman who had just moved into the bungalow); ``don't frighten him, and we'll see what he'll do.'' ``Don't be frightened, Teddy,'' said his father. ``Ouch! ``H'sh!

25 Great Calvin and Hobbes Strips. Why Bill Watterson is our hero. We've re-launched Progressive Boink, friends! Our new front page is here. Hope you enjoy. Hundreds of comic strips have been published in newspapers. The majority are terrible, and almost all the rest are mediocre. And it's really a shame that it's so difficult to quantify this strip's greatness. Calvin and Hobbes ran from 1985 to 1995. "Virtue needs some cheaper thrills." © Universal Press Syndicate Calvin is an unbelievably intelligent six-year-old. It's kind of refreshing to see a strip that doesn't feel the need to have an uplifting message, or feel like it needs to point out that it's mean to whack an innocent person upside the dome with a snowball. - Jon "He's one of the old gods! One of the top classic Calvin strips. - Bill "You've taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system." Pretty much the voice of Bill Watterson dictating the current state of our school systems. - Nick "We prefer your extinction to the loss of our job." - Jon - Nick

How Chris McCandless Died Twenty-one years ago this month, on September 6, 1992, the decomposed body of Christopher McCandless was discovered by moose hunters just outside the northern boundary of Denali National Park. He had died inside a rusting bus that served as a makeshift shelter for trappers, dog mushers, and other backcountry visitors. Taped to the door was a note scrawled on a page torn from a novel by Nikolai Gogol: From a cryptic diary found among his possessions, it appeared that McCandless had been dead for nineteen days. In “Into the Wild,” the book I wrote about McCandless’s brief, confounding life, I came to a different conclusion. I’ve received thousands of letters from people who admire McCandless for his rejection of conformity and materialism in order to discover what was authentic and what was not, to test himself, to experience the raw throb of life without a safety net. “Into the Wild” is a misrepresentation, a sham, a fraud. On July 30th, McCandless wrote in his journal, “EXTREMELY WEAK.

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