"Never Date a Writer" by xstephens
Never date a writer because she’ll fictionalize everything. She’ll write about things you have done to her, or things you never did for her. She’ll write about how you never bought her flowers. Not once. She’ll say in well-constructed prose how the whole time you were together, she never came home from a long week to see a vase full of roses, or daises, or anything. She’ll describe times you embarrassed her, like at a party. She’ll continue this emphasis on what you had done to her, by describing things she had found, but said nothing about. She’ll later describe the moment in the bedroom when she sat at the foot of the bed and you kneeled in front of her. And she’ll send you a manuscript and you’ll be on the couch where you both had sat and you’ll read every word. You’ll sit alone on that couch where you made love to her and you won’t move and the glass of whiskey on the table will not be touched.