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Australia Gets Drunk, Wakes Up in North Atlantic

Australia Gets Drunk, Wakes Up in North Atlantic
AUSTRALIA GETS DRUNK, WAKES UP IN NORTH ATLANTIC Tired of Being Isolated and Ignored, Continent Isn't Bloody Moving Sydney, 800 miles S. of Nova Scotia (SatireWire.com) — After what witnesses described as an all night blinder during which it kept droning on about how it was always being bloody ignored by the whole bloody world and would bloody well stand to do something about it, Australia this morning woke up to find itself in the middle of the North Atlantic. "Good Lord, that was a booze up," said a bleary-eyed Australian Prime Minister, John Howard, speaking from his residence at Kirribilli House, approximately 600 nautical miles east of Cape Hatteras, North Carolina. According to Australians and residents of several countries destroyed or lewdly insulted during the continent's nearly 7,000-mile saltwater stagger, the binge began just after noon yesterday at a pub in Brisbane, where several patrons were discussing Australia Day and the nation's general lack of respect from abroad.

Nuke the Moon A Realistic Plan for World Peacea.k.aNuke the Moon by Frank J. (originally written August 15th, 2002)View blog reactions "Gotta nuke something." -20th century philosopher Nelson Muntz World peace cannot be achieved by sitting around on our duffs singing hippy songs to the moon. Peace can only be achieved through excessive acts of seemingly mindless violence. Now, if I were president, here's what I would do. Of course, Europe will start complaining, and Europe's bad mouthing of America gives comfort to our enemies. Now the world will be pretty convinced that America is frick'n nuts and just looking for a fight, but we need to really ingrain it into everyone's conscious so that no one will ever even contemplate crossing us. But why stop there. Now all other countries will be completely freaked out and never even dream of messing with us. Now all that's needed to keep peace is to come up with new and creative ways of looking insane and belligerent without actually harming anyone.

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