The 12 Ties that Bind Long-Term Relationships That crazy thing we call love is perhaps one of the most studied and least understood areas in psychology. One reason is that many studies of romantic relationships are carried out not in real life, but in the lab. Making matters worse, many of these studies involve dating relationships between samples of convenience, consisting of undergraduate students. What better way to find out about love than to survey the experts? Just as clearly, not everyone felt the same degree of intensity about their spouses. Earlier research by psychologist Arthur Aron, who collaborated in this study, suggested that the people who are most intensely in love are the ones who feel a strong romantic attraction, but who also enjoy engaging in “self-expanding” joint activities that are novel and challenging. A few caveats about the study might have already come to your mind. Now that you’ve learned the basics of this fascinating study, it’s time to put your relationship to the test.
10 Steps for Resolving Couple Conflict Worksheet “Don’t find fault, find a remedy” Henry Ford “Just do what I say and everything will be fine!" At some point in our lives we all have said this when we could not find a satisfying agreement with our spouse or partner. Anyone of us has differences and disagreements. But healthy people find ways to resolve conflicts without turning them into wars. When you have issues that are ongoing and you are unable to establish a healthy resolution, use the following Ten Step approach. 1. First, schedule a meeting with your partner. Meeting Place: _________________________________________________ Date: _________________________________________ Time: _________________________________________ 2. Start with an easy problem and write the problem above. 3. Male: Female: 4. List at least five possible solutions to the problem. 5. Advantages - - - - - - - - - Disadvantages Be as objective as you can be. 6. Your pilot project or trial solution does not have to be the final and concrete solution. 7. 8. Female: 9.
How to Fuck Up You know what blows big time? The other night I was sitting with my family, most of whom are very successfully married. We were going in a circle giving our best marriage advice to my little sister on the eve of her wedding. It’s somewhat of a family tradition. But that’s not what blows. What really blows is that I realized I don’t have any good marriage advice to give. And so, when it was my turn, I just made a joke about divorce and how you should always remember why you loved your spouse when you first met her so that when times get tough, you can find someone new that is just like she was. There were a couple courtesy giggles, but overall my humor wasn’t welcome in such a beautifully building ring of profundity. They finished round one, and for some reason started into another round. It eventually came to me again, and what I said would have been such great advice if I were a tenth as good at saying things as I was at writing them. I call it my “Ways I Blew My Marriage” list. BONUS!
25 little things you can do to make your partner love you even more 1. Write a short letter to them listing the reasons you love them and post it to them at work. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. Image via Julian Mason The OTHER 15 Ways I Blew My Marriage Almost two weeks ago, I told you all about my family’s tradition of going around the room and having everyone give their best marriage advice to the bride and groom on the eve of their wedding. While sitting in that circle on the night before my sister’s nuptials, I felt so valueless having been divorced not just once but twice. Not a lick of what I had was good marriage advice. No. Everything I had was “how not to botch your marriage like I did” advice, which was something I had plenty of. So, after an awesomely failed joke and an evening of feeling like the biggest turd on earth, I sat down for a few hours and wrote my own advice list to my sister (and probably even more so for myself). I never, not even once, thought that post would be popular. And maybe in the end, that is the “why.” That being said, I’m so thankful that so many people found value in it and shared it. Anyways… with that, I give you: The OTHER 15 Ways I Blew My Marriage(continued from previous blog post) BONUS! BONUS!
1 Corinthians 7 NIV - Concerning Married Life - Now for the Concerning Married Life 7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. 15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. Concerning the Unmarried
Healing the Cycles that Tear Couples Apart Respect and intimacy are the foundation on which loving relationships are built. Without such safety and connection, there can be no trust; without trust, we lose the ability to be playful, spontaneous, and joyful The following are common issues in relationships that, if unaddressed, can kill love and happiness. For each relationship-ruining issue below, I explain what it is, why it is a problem, why we do it, and what we can do instead to heal and repair this issue. When people have the courage to look at these patterns, admit their own contribution, and are willing to change and put their relationships first, even the most difficult relationship problems can be healed. (1) Lack of Trust Definition Why We Do It People may get married because they see something desirable in their partner that they don’t have in themselves, rather than because of common values. Why It Is a Problem Consequences What To Do Instead (2) Blaming and Fixing Why It Is a Problem What To Do Instead Criticism and Putdowns
26 Questions To Get A Marriage Talking 75.9K Flares75.9K Flares × I don’t think insightful people always have all the right answers, but really, the right questions. When someone asks me a question I would never ask myself, they are doing something God can use to change me. First, as Christ they bring sight to blind eyes. These questions are from an excellent book I am nearly finished reading titled Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands by Paul David Tripp. What things did you see in this person that made you want to marry him? My prayer is this might serve as a starting point to get great conversation going within your marriage. If you’d like to check out some other posts like this, I suggest Jesus & Physical Fitness, and A Word About Our Wedding.
Rekindle the Romance If your relationship has become a bit stagnant, it likely lacks sufficient self-expansion. As we’ve discussed previously, self-expansion refers to people’s inherent desires to improve themselves and relationships serve as a key route to accomplishing this goal.1 However, many relationships are in a rut or otherwise feel a bit stagnant, stale, or boring. This sense of boredom can occur because you’re not learning or doing new things in the relationship. The consequences of such stagnation are serious: according to a recent study in Psychological Science, those who were more bored with their marriages reported less marital satisfaction 9 years later.2 Clearly, boredom isn’t something to ignore. (If you are interested in learning about how much self-expansion you have in your relationship, check out the self-expansion quiz.) 2) Create a Couple Bucket List – Oscar Wilde once said “One's real life is often the life that one does not lead.” Interested in learning more about relationships? Dr.
Co-dependancy The word ‘love’ is perhaps one of the most casually used terms in the English language – so much so that it has become an umbrella term for a whole variety of very different emotions! There is one thing we all agree on – that love is what makes the world go round, and that without it, the world is but a dry empty shell of a place. On the other hand, it is a word we very easily twist around to our own purposes to justify our emotional dependence on a person. If we can learn to distinguish love from emotional dependence and put this distinction into practice, then we make life more beautiful not only for us, but for everyone we come into contact with. 1. Learn to love yourself first Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie, which we ascribe to heaven. ~William Shakespeare Often when we are emotionally dependent on someone, we are looking to them as a ‘filler’ to cover over and distract us from unresolved emotional issues in ourselves. 2. There is no mistaking love. - Elizabeth Kubler-Ross 3. 4.
6 Ways to Keep Long-Term Relationships Exciting The truth is, over time, our feelings in our relationships do change. The sparkly and exhilarating rush of falling in love is not permanent. But that does not mean that this feeling disappears; it simply evolves. The idea that the excitement of a relationship is sentenced to only the first months or even years a couple is together is completely false. When it comes to a long-term relationship with a partner we ourselves chose, we can maintain the thrill of being in love, and deepen our feelings of passion and intimacy. 1) Make Sure to Have Joyful Time Together The ability to laugh with one another is a true sign of vitality in a relationship. 2) Be Open to New Experiences When a relationship gets closer, couples often risk growing apart by closing off to new experiences or limiting each other in certain ways. 3) Show Your Love, Don’t Hold Back Love doesn't exist unless it is treated as a vital and living force between two people. 4) Keep Your Identity as an Individual
Fun Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend Relationships can reach a point when suddenly you realize you have nothing to talk about. Relax girls, it's not the end of the world. Happens to everyone. The best thing you can do is use this absence of interesting conversation to ask some totally random but fun questions to your boyfriend. You'll have some light-hearted fun, and may even get to know things about him you never knew (or wish you never knew). Here's a bunch of such questions you can use. Fun Questions You Can Ask Your Boyfriend What was your first impression about me? How close am I to that first impression? If you were a fictional character who would you be? Which is the song you associate with my image? If I caught you lying to me, how would you save yourself? What is your wildest fantasy? If you could give up one of your senses, which one would it be? What would be the first thought to come to your mind if someone told you that they saw me with another guy? What is the naughtiest thing you've done as a kid? Your worst date.