50 Shades Of Grey (Matter): How Science Is Defying BDSM Stereotypes It seems that no one is immune to E L James' controversial novel, 50 Shades of Grey. Television shows, magazines, popular blogs, even side conversations outside the school pick-up line are filled with talk about how hot it is -- and how it may be solely responsible for jump-starting the sex drives of bored housewives across the country. While I agree that some of the sex scenes are quite titillating, I find myself annoyed at the overt Bondage/Discipline/Dominance/Submission/Sadism/Masochism (BDSM) stereotypes advanced by the book. Especially since the latest scientific studies concerning sexual behavior do not back them up. Handsome, charming and incredibly wealthy, 50 Shades' Christian Grey is considered Seattle's most eligible bachelor, the kind of man that no woman can resist.
From Toxic To Love Is it love or just control? Take the emotional manipulation test to find out. Then, test YOUR personal toxicity in love: CLICK HERE: Count the signs that are true for your relationship as we go along. The more signs that are true for your relationship, the most toxic it is. Top 7 Psychological Defense Mechanisms Health In every human being, intrapsychic conflicts are bound to occur, usually because of sexual and aggressive impulses and tension. Usually, (or maybe hopefully), these conflicts are resolved by themselves in a short amount of time; however sometimes this is not the case. Every now and then, our internal conflicts can last for long periods of times, and can potentially cause us great harm. Oftentimes anxiety can wear and tear at us, and should not be underestimated. Fortunately, our body has defense mechanisms to defend us from unpleasant emotions and feelings, such as anxiety.
Ohio Class Teaches Children that Men Think and Women Feel From Reddit comes the story of an assignment given to high school students in a sex education unit of health class in Columbus, Ohio (as reported in theDispatch). The introduction reads (typos included): Appreciating Gender Differences: Often there are many stereotypes attached to being male or female. She Hasn’t Made Any Trash In 2 Years. This Is What Her Life Is Like What if you could live without producing any trash? Would you do it? At first you might think this is impossible (or at least extremely difficult), and it may very well be depending on your life situation. But one inspiring girl is not only making this impossibility a reality, she is sharing how we can all start doing the same thing as well. Eliminating Trash
Not Just ‘Kinky’ Sex!: The Many Meanings Of BDSM, By Brandy Simula After we asked Brandy Simula what she was reading, we decided to invite her back for her own guest post. She decided to write about bondage, domination, and sadomasochism (often referred to as BDSM). Not Just ‘Kinky’ Sex! The Narcissistic Mother Revisited - After Psychotherapy I’ve written about narcissistic mothers in two earlier posts, one about my own (mostly bad) mother, and another that differentiates healthy parental pride from narcissistic over-involvement. In particular, I’ve talked about the struggle to find the goodness in mothers who largely failed their children. I focus on this issue not only because it comes up in therapy but because it personally matters to me; I feel I’ve made peace with the memory of my father but have continued to hold a grudge, so to speak, against my mother. Lately, I’ve felt the grudge begin to ease its hold on me. To my surprise, I’ve found myself feeling more compassionate about what I imagine to have been her struggles.
Gaslighting 1. to tell a bald faced lie to someone and then brazenly deny that this was ever done 2. to give a person the frustration of moving their keys, purse, wallet, condoms, or other object and to then claim they were never moved or the person had done it themself 3. a frequent tool in the slickery dick or slickery clit's toolkit for infidelity 4. an insidious tool in the hands of unscrupulous mind-screwers and sociopaths 5. to tell a lie (consciously or unconsciously) without regard for whether or not you undermine another person's sanity/ perception of reality It comes from the 1938 movie Gas Light.
Picking and Choosing from the "Act Like a Man Box" One of the difficulties that those of us who are looking to challenge the Act Like a Man Box (see my post The Performance of Masculinity for an explanation of that, if you aren’t familiar with it) is that the Box itself gets in the way. My observation is that’s because “believes in the Box” is inside the Box, so when a man starts to question it, the guys in the Box immediately perceive him to be outside it and dismiss anything he says about it. On the other hand, I’ve also seen a lot of men who want to break out of the Box do so by rejecting everything inside it. I’ll come out of the closet here and admit that for a few years, I was a Sensitive New Age Guy. I never liked watching or talking about sports and I’ve always been more attuned to my feelings than most men seemed to be, so it was pretty easy to do.
Tell me who you pet, I’ll tell you who you are: The Social Psychology of cat, dog (and turtle) persons Let's start with a small (but arguably, life-changing) quizz: Which one of the descriptions below applies best to you? (1) You prefer spending time on your own rather than with others (2) You’re often ready to explore new things or ideas (3) People often say you’re easy to get along with (4) You absolutely love energy-consuming, outdoor activities. getSharedSiteSession?rc=4&redirect=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thelancet A client goes to see a therapist about his anxiety. A few sessions in, he tentatively tells her about a significant aspect of his private sexual life. To his horror, she immediately stops the therapy and says they cannot continue until she has uprooted and cured his terrible pathology. This story could be about a gay man on an analyst's couch in the 1950s.
The Mostly-Bad Mother During a recent session with a client, she was revisiting some memories about her mother, familiar to both of us since the beginning of her treatment. Although her parents provided the basics — food, clothing, a roof over her head — they were both disastrous on an emotional level. As the session unfolded, my client repeated many painful details from her childhood, and yet amidst all those memories, I caught little glimpses of the way she had at one time found her mother beautiful. It made me think about the spots of goodness to be found in the mostly-bad mother, and how hard it is to hang onto them. It’s an issue I continue to struggle with in relation to my own mostly-bad mother. I could describe my own parents in very much the same terms as my client’s: they fed us, clothed us, gave us a very nice home and bought us used cars once we learned to drive.
Gaslighting: Psychological Manipulation to the Extreme There are different unofficial terms for psychological attacks and abuse that people may suffer. Gang stalking has already been introduced in one of my earlier articles as a group of people in a community who target an individual with the end goal of breaking that individual down in a covert operation (mainly psychological, causing the person to think he or she is going crazy in some cases). This can be real or possibly a delusion of the individual, especially if that person has schizophrenia. Gaslighting is another form of psychological abuse, and there are actually more online and text resources than for gang stalking. For example, Robin Stern’s book, “The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life” discusses the phenomenon.