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Funny Quotes and One-Liners

Funny Quotes and One-Liners
As powerful as inspirational quotes can be, sometimes we just need a bit of humor to lighten up our day. For those occasions, funny quotes and one-liners are quite effective, especially when they poke fun at our everyday annoyances, whether it be politics, work, aging or marriage. Not content with finding these humorous quotes on only bumper stickers, we set out to put together a list of them. After browsing through quotation websites like Quotery, Wikiquote, and BQ for a couple hours, we were able to find quite a few gems. Below, you’ll find the Top 100: Funny Quotes and One-Liners that are sure to put a smile on your face. 1. ”How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? 2. 3. 4. ”Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong” - Unknown 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. ”If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.” - Sam Levenson 17. 18. 19. 20. Like what you read?

How to Crush Self-Doubt and Become an Epic Human Being Recently I was looking at some epic blogs written by amazing people. This made me sick. I looked at pitiful old Empty Fist and thought: “My design isn’t as sexy … I don’t have very interesting things to share … There’s no way I’ll never be able to write like that… My blog is just not good enough A wave of self-doubt hit me. Between the two of us, I’m not the only one who has felt the pangs of doubt, am I? This doubt can be destructive: it ruins our productivity, happiness, and zest for life. If you’re looking for some trite feel-good quotes to hide your doubts under the rug until tomorrow, search Google. Become the World’s Best [INSERT YOUR NAME HERE] As I was looking at those sickeningly-good blogs this week, one thing struck me. You can’t succeed by copying someone else’s style. Isn’t that encouraging? Leave Comparison Shopping to the Websites Have you ever bought something online and used the comparison feature? Self-doubt always and only arises out of comparisons with others.

True Facts Facts - interesting, provocative, well-seasoned One out of ten children in Europe are conceived on an IKEA bed. Antarctica is the only continent without reptiles or snakes. An eagle can kill a young deer and fly away with it. In the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910. When George Lucas was mixing the American Graffiti soundtrack, he numbered the reels of film starting with an R and numbered the dialog starting with a D. The youngest pope was 11 years old. Mark Twain didn't graduate from elementary school. Proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses. Pilgrims ate popcorn at the first Thanksgiving dinner. They have square watermelons in Japan - they stack better. Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation. Heinz Catsup leaving the bottle travels at 25 miles per year. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.

8 Things Everybody Ought to Know About Concentrating “Music helps me concentrate,” Mike said to me glancing briefly over his shoulder. Mike was in his room writing a paper for his U.S. History class. Mike made a shift about every thirty seconds between all of the above. Do you know a person like this? The Science Behind Concentration In the above account, Mike’s obviously stuck in a routine that many of us may have found ourselves in, yet in the moment we feel it’s almost an impossible routine to get out of. When we constantly multitask to get things done, we’re not multitasking, we’re rapidly shifting our attention. Phase 1: Blood Rush Alert When Mike decides to start writing his History essay, blood rushes to his anterior prefrontal cortex. Phase 2: Find and Execute The alert carries an electrical charge that’s composed of two parts: first, a search query (which is needed to find the correct neurons for executing the task of writing), and second, a command (which tells the appropriate neuron what to do). Phase 3: Disengagement 1. 2. 3. 4.

Collected Quotes from Albert Einstein [Note: This list of Einstein quotes was being forwarded around the Internet in e-mail, so I decided to put it on my web page. I'm afraid I can't vouch for its authenticity, tell you where it came from, who compiled the list, who Kevin Harris is, or anything like that. Still, the quotes are interesting and enlightening.] "Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction." Copyright: Kevin Harris 1995 (may be freely distributed with this acknowledgement)

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