Supermarket Psychic
A woman at the grocery store went to the register with these items in her cart: * a carton of eggs * a quart of orange juice * a head of romaine lettuce * a 2 lb. can of coffee * a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. The drunk replied, "Cause you're uglier than shit".
60 Funny Rage Comics
by Ben · October 20, 2011 60 of the best funny rage comics. Share these on your favorite social media site.
The OSTRICH Story - StumbleUpon
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual asks the waitress?" "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?" found an old lamp. me two wishes. would always be there."
The Vulgar Parrot
The Vulgar Parrot A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
At the right moment - part 5 (16 pictures)
Cool and funny photos taken at the right moment from the right angle. Previous part: At the right moment – Part 4 Via: [Perfectly Timed Photos] and [Fishki.net]
Horrible Cards for Valentines Day - The Oatmeal - StumbleUpon
Horrible Cards are Copyright © 2012 Matthew Inman. Please don't steal. The Oatmeal
Harley Davidson Meets God
The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?" God said, "Ah, yes." "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention: 1. "Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."
The 23 Funniest Strutting Leo Pics from StruttingLeo
After coming across a picture of a cartoonishly happy Leonoard DiCaprio on the set of "Inception," the internet has gone to town. "Strutting Leo," as it's been dubbed, has been photoshopped into what seems like every photograph ever taken. And for good reason: It's amazing. Here are the best of the bunch. The Original: The 'Shops:
DIY Bleach Tie Dye - Honestly WTF
Last summer, we were obsessed with shibori indigo tie dying. No, really . . . we just about dyed anything white in sight. So when Free People asked us to include a DIY in their guest blogger series, we knew a new tie dye project was absolutely in order. And as the weather is beginning to warm up, what better time than now to start experimenting with reverse tie dye using bleach! To make a grid-like pattern, fold the shirt like an accordion and bind it between two pieces of wood or other flat shaped objects. Before you start bleaching, make sure you are wearing gloves and working outdoors or in a well ventilated area. The rusty brown color will slowly fade into a beautiful lighter shade as it begins to set. Your reverse bleach tie dye shirt is ready to wear! (top image from here, rest of images by HonestlyWTF)
Blank Family Tree Diagrams
Getting started with family history? Here is a free, blank family tree that you can print. It has a basic fill-in-the-blank layout of parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents with extra room for notes. Even if you're experienced with genealogy and organize your tree information on a website such as WikiTree or Ancestry.com you might want to print out one of these when you're going to a family reunion, party, or visiting a grandparent. It's a great way to "troll" for new information. Scroll below for a variety of alternate tree diagram images, printing instructions, and usage tips. There are also tips for using an online tree with printable charts as an efficient way to organize and maintain your family tree. If you have a blog or website, there are family tree widgets you can embed in any blog post or web page. Alternate Diagram Images Here are slight variations on the tree above. Thanks to my brother Ted Whitten for the tree photos used as backgrounds in these images. Free Permission
