Mother-in-law I was happy. My girlfriend and me were dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? There was only one thing that bothering me, quite a lot indeed, and that was my mother-in-law to be. She was a career woman, smart, but most of all beautiful and sexy, who sometimes flirted with me, quite obviously too, and made me feel uncomfortable. One day, she called me and asked me to come over, to check the invitations. What could I say? So, she said, I'll go to the bedroom, and if you are up for it just come and get me. I just watched her delicious behind as she went up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, and then turned around and went to the front door... Her husband was standing outside, and with tears in his eyes, hugged me and said, we are very happy and pleased, you have passed our little test. Lesson learned: Always keep your condoms in your car.
Funny2 - Fun Things To Do In an Elevator Dare you to try them! When you get off the elevator, whisper to the others who stayed on, "I'd get off the elevator NOW if I were you." When the other people in the elevator leave, yell "SHARON!" (thanks to Jessica) Hum the "Mission Impossible" theme, speak into your lapel and say "Right, Jim". When there is only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you. Sit with a desk, pencil cup and a telephone in the elevator. Push a button, pretend it gave you a shock. Ask the others in the elevator which floor they're going to, but push the wrong buttons. Call the Psychic Hotline and ask them if they know which floor you're on. Hold the doors open as if you're waiting for a friend, but then let it close. Drop a pen, wait for someone to pick it up and then yell, "That's mine!" Put a cardboard box in the corner; when someone gets on ask them if they can hear ticking. When the doors close, announce, "Don't worry, they'll open again soon." Enforce a group hug.
prius vs walker אתם בוודאי שמעתם על אנשים המייצרים כסף מהמחשב דרך ביתם... מפתה לא? אתה יושב ברווחה על הספה ומייצר כסף באמצעות הבורסה. אנשים אלה, לפני שהחלו לסחור בבורסה למדו קורס הנקרא קורס שוק ההון, הקורס מלמד מהי הבורסה, מהי מניה ומה התפקיד של שוק ההון. להמשך קריאה... לימודי שוק ההון ילמדו אותנו שאגרות החוב אלו הן ניירות שניתן לסחור איתן, אנו אף נלמד שישנן אף מניות שניתן לסחור איתן בבורסה. אין אחד שאינו מעוניין להגדיל את משכורתו ללא מאמץ, ישנן דרכים היום להגדיל את משכורתכם באמצעות קורס הכרת שוק ההון, שם תוכלו ללמוד, כיצד ניתן לנהל תיקי השקעות ולהרוויח תשואה קבועה בסדר גודל של משכורת, תלוי כמובן כמה כסף אתם משקיעים. שוק ההון - קורס שינחה אותך להשקיע נכון שוק ההון קורס, המיועד גם למתחילים וגם למתקדמים, יש תלמידים שלאחר שוק ההון קורס ימשיכו וילמדו עוד קורסים למתקדמים יותר ויעדיפו אפילו להפוך את לימודי שוק ההון למקצוע. כשהכסף עובד לטובתכם.. קורסים לשוק ההון, זה בדיוק כמו כל קורס אחר, חשוב ביותר ללמוד במקום איכותי בעל שם, בדרך זו לפחות לא תפסידו את כספכם. לא לכולם זה מתאים...
English Lesson 1238 - Harassment I wrote this comic months ago, after seeing certain statements come up in harassment and rape reports over and over again. Yes, it certainly simplifies the issue, and no, it doesn't cover all types of harassment. But it's important to remember something - seeking attention is not the same as seeking harassment. I'm sure some of you reading this are going to disagree. This isn't an easy subject, no matter the focus attempted at in the final panel. (On a side note, theSwede (my wife) asked that I make sure to point out that that is not her slip stretched out, but actually from my Halloween 'Freudian slip' costume from a couple years ago. Foreign Signs In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis. In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up. In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily. In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday. On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Math for the Fast Lane This is why math is taught in school. I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and "flipped" the woman off. "Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. I drive 48 miles each way every day to work. Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper to bumper, figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. Statistically, half of these are driven by females. That's 18,000 women drivers! According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons, and this number is increasing. Flip one off?
15 Oxymorons" An oxymoron is a combination of words that contradict each other. Here are some of our favorites. 1. virtual reality 2. original copy 3. old news 4. act naturally 5. pretty ugly 6. living dead 7. jumbo shrimp 8. rolling stop 9. constant variable 10. exact estimate 11. paid volunteers 12. civil war 13. sound of silence 14. clever fool 15. only choice Helen Davies, Marjorie Dorfman, Mary Fons, Deborah Hawkins, Martin Hintz, Linnea Lundgren, David Priess, Julia Clark Robinson, Paul Seaburn, Heidi Stevens, and Steve Theunissen
UCB Parents Jokes &Quotes:Great Truths About Life This page is brought to you by UC Berkeley Parents Network Back to the Jokes & Quotes Collection 1. No matter how hard you try, you cannot baptize cats. 2. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3. If you sister hits you, don't hit her back. The opinions and statements expressed on this page are those of parents who belong to the UC Berkeley Parents Network and should not be taken as a position of or endorsement by the University of California, Berkeley.