An Actual letter to the Canadian Passport office | MillionFace shitmydadsays (shitmydadsays) - shitmydadsays Justin Samuel Halpern was born in a tiny fishing village called “San Diego.” There he spent most of his life being yelled at by his father. Then he transcribed those things on a twitter page called “@shitmydadsays.” You can buy his first book, Shit My Dad Says HERE. World's funniest joke The "world's funniest joke" is a term used by Richard Wiseman of the University of Hertfordshire in 2002 to summarize one of the results of his research. For his experiment, named LaughLab, he created a website where people could rate and submit jokes.[1] Purposes of the research included discovering the joke that had the widest appeal and understanding among different cultures, demographics and countries.[citation needed] The History Channel eventually hosted a special on the subject. The jokes The winning joke, which was later found to be based on a 1951 Goon Show sketch by Spike Milligan,[2] was submitted by Gurpal Gosal of Manchester: Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. References
RoboDump 1.0 By Kevin Kelm (kkelm@triggur.org) Friday, Nov 12, 2004 RoboDump is a robot. Sort of. And it poops. Sort of. The left channel speaker points up into the room (for the voice effects) and the right channel speaker points down into the toilet (for the business-end effects). I snuck RoboDump into the men's room at the office. I also decided to dress it in businessware to make coworkers less likely to try to talk to it... if it looks like a customer or visiting bigwig, they'll be less likely to offer help or ask for a courtesy flush. Comment at the blog... RoboDump in action:
Kids talk Science This page is brought to you by UC Berkeley Parents Network Back to the Jokes & Quotes Collection THE FOLLOWING ARE ALL QUOTES FROM 11 YEAR OLDS' SCIENCE EXAMS: * "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water." * "Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull." * "When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire." * "H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water." * "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars." * "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire." * "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas." * "The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity.
THEY'RE HERE! 2010 DARWIN AWARDS - You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further ado, here are the 2010 Darwin Awards. Eighth Place In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys. Seventh Place A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run. Sixth Place While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. Fifth Place Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Fourth Place Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger. Third Place After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store.
www.cs.columbia.edu/sip/sipit/funeral.txt Dear friends, It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following. Please join me in remembering a great icon. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. Top 10 Hilarious Websites Of Human Misery It’s seems like people have always been hardwired to laugh at the misfortune of others. It transcends all cultures, nations, and ages. As you read these words, a group of school kids in Hong Kong are peeing their pants laughing at a kid who did a faceplant into a mud puddle, somebody in Paris is guffawing at a guy getting a whifflebat to the crotch, and a grandma in Texas is chuckling under her breath at a cousin who doesn’t know his fly is undone. As long as it isn’t happening to you, personal humiliation can be totally hilarious. Before the Internet, the only way to experience these hilarious events was to be in the right place at the right to time. 10. The biggest retail chain in the world, WalMart offers its customers a wide variety of consumer goods at reasonable prices in convenient locations. 9. Everybody screws up sometimes. 8. For those of you who don’t know it, Etsy.com is a website for people who want to sell their handmade crafts. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. By Geoff Shakespeare
why americans should never be allowed to travel I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?" I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. A nice lady just called. A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?"
Operating Systems Tech Support: "May I ask what operating system you are running today?"Customer: "A computer." A girl walked into the computer center where I work. Tech Support: "What operating system are you running? After conferring with her husband, it turned out she owned a Macintosh with System 8.1. Tech Support: "What version of Windows are you running?" A kid in my class joined a conversation I was having about older computers. Him: "I have the oldest Windows ever at my house. Tech Support: "What operating system do you run?" Tech Support: "Do you know what operating system you're on?" Customer: "I don't use DOS. One time I had to walk a Windows 95 user through a particular procedure. Me: "First you need to open DOS-prompt. My Friend: "I just installed Windows 98." My Friend: "What's your operating system?" Friend: "I heard about this thing called 'Linux'." Friend: "Does Windows 98 support Linux?" Customer: "Do you sell Mac OS X for Windows?" Overheard in a classroom: Customer: "How much do Windows cost?"
Hurricane Recipes! This weekend was a “hurricane”! You remained calm and refused to overreact, right? False, you totally flipped your lid and bought 234 of every non-perishable item at Gristedes. First of all, you should have gone to Food Emporium, and second, what do we do with all this stuff now that the hurricane AND the MTV VMAs are over? Let me Martha Stewart you through some delectable adventures in using up the rest of all your refrigeration-defying snacks. 1. 2. 3. 1. 2. 3. 1. 2. 1. 2. 1. 2. 3. 1. 1. 2. 3. 3. 1. 2. 3. 1. 2. 1. 2. 1. 1. 1. 2. 3.