6 Bizarrely Creepy Moments from the Mario Universe Super Mario Sunshine -- Bowser and the Princess's Love Affair Here's one of the great unanswered questions in the Mario mythos: who is the mother of all of Bowser's children? There are eight of them in all, and Bowser bends over backwards to conquer random desert and water kingdoms for them to use as sandboxes. Yet, we've never seen a Queen Koopa. Someone had to spawn these wretched abominations. Super Mario Sunshine addresses this question head-on. Princess Peach. Bitch is straight-up kinky. And in case you think the boy was just confused or misspoke or that we're taking it out of context, watch the cut-scene yourself: There are plenty of appropriate reactions to a spiked turtle creature claiming you gave birth to him. ... and after a moment of shocked hesitation, says, "I'm your momma?" The kid replies, "Yeah, papa told me all about it." But, no -- instead, Peach says, "So you're Bowser's son?" Oh, the perils of magic mushrooms! That's right. Now imagine Princess Peach is on the bottom.
PC and Console Game News, Videos, Reviews 6 Baffling Early Prototypes of Your Favorite Video Games Imagine an alternate reality where Mario is packing heat, Link looks like Wolverine and Halo games are all about strategy instead of shooting aliens in the face. All those things were close to happening but were changed at some point, for better or for worse. You be the judge. #6. The Game We Know: If there's one thing Mario does well, it's stomping on shit. Mario showed us how to cut corners. But It Was Almost: Mario was going to shoot the shit out of his enemies. Oh, and he would also be able to punch and kick his enemies when he was empty-handed. flasharcadeTurns out those Russian bootlegs had it right all along. And yes, we said "guns," as in more than one: Mario was going to carry a "beam gun," which sounds kind of like what Samus uses in the Metroid games, but then he would also have a freaking rifle. "Is he ... is he whistling 'The Farmer in the Dell'?" us.wii.comSweet revenge on that goddamn Lakitu. He can waterboard 50 Koopa Troopas a minute with this thing. Oh wait. #5. #4.
The top 10 music games of all time "Guitar Hero" is a $2 billion franchise that's sold over 25 million units worldwide. The music memory game "Simon" launched in 1978 with its classic four colored buttonsPaRappa brought the "rhythm game" category home to North American shores"Dance Dance Revolution" pioneered active gaming over a decade before motion controls Editor's note: Scott Steinberg is the head of technology and video game consulting firm TechSavvy Global, as well as the founder of GameExec magazine and Game Industry TV. This story was adapted from his new e-book, "Music Games Rock: Rhythm Gaming's Greatest Hits of All Time." (CNN) -- By the late 2000s, music-themed games had become gaming's fastest-growing genre. Then came the crash. But rewind the evolutionary eight-track, and you can see that music and video games aren't just intrinsically linked since the beginning. So, no, the party's not over. Here's my list of the top 10 digital music games of all time: 1978: "Simon" 1997: "PaRappa the Rapper" 2007: "Rock Band"
5 Ways to Tell You're Getting Too Old for Video Games #2. You Think Originality is Dead The complaint is the same on every gaming message board: "Every goddamn game on the planet is a first person shooter." They're all Call of Duty (or before that, Halo) clones -- same mechanics, different outfits. Every sports game is exactly the same as the 15 versions of the series that came before it. And holy shit, do not get me started on the zombies. It's like being a real cowboy! But the Truth Is... From the first days of console gaming, and we're talking Magnavox Odyssey here, each hit game spawned a shelf full of clones. The industry looked just as cookie cutter then as it does now. Via Techeblog.com"Oh, mom, you really are too good to me!" Then you get a little older, and you obsess over games in the way that only a kid has time to do -- buying all the magazines and talking games with your friends, hunting down the cool stuff that isn't on the shelf at Walmart. But me? Via Vgmuseum.comSHUT UP, A MAN HAS NEEDS ! #1. "I said NO PICKLES, ASSHOLE!"
Pokemon HeartGold Guide & Walkthrough - Nintendo DS Hold up, buddy. To edit this page, you'll need a username. (It's free and only takes a sec.) Welcome to the Pokemon Heart Gold and Soul Silver Wiki Guide. Back in 2000, some of the most-loved and best-received Pokemon games in history came out for the Game Boy Color. Fast-forward ten years, and now, we have the much-anticipated remakes of Pokemon Gold and Silver. Our guide covers it all, with a robust basics section, a complete walkthrough that holds your hand through the entire game, and much, much more. So, let's get going!
The 6 Most Insane Video Games About Dating Dating video games are hugely popular in Japan: They're text-heavy games where each click brings you a little closer to either getting to see some cartoon porn or ending up in a "game over" screen (and then seeing that cartoon porn on Google anyway). The stories always involve a childhood friend you secretly lust for, a wise character with glasses who gives you advice (that you secretly lust for) and, this being Japan, a healthy dose of insanity. Some of these games take that last part a little too far, though, leading to some very confusing boners. Like ... #6. School Days is a popular erotic "visual novel" that inspired various spin-offs across different media -- including Cross Days, the game you can play with a literal cock control and which outs you as a pervert if you try to pirate it. You can find the whole scene here if you want to see it in all its glory (you really do). The cover gives no indication of this, but you should know better than that anyway. #5. Her real ears. #4.
6 Japanese Video Games That Will Make Your Head Explode Most of us have become completely numb to the weirdness of video games. From the 1970s on, it's been like "So he's a yellow circle being chased by ghosts while he eats? Seems pretty straightforward." Yet there has always been an underground video game scene where the truly messed-up stuff lives. You'll find it in Japan. That's where they have games like ... #6. Via Wikipedia In 1986, the company that created Space Invaders teamed up with Japanese actor, director, comedian, poet and badass "Beat" Takeshi Kitano to create a game for the Nintendo Famicom based on his ideas. If you ever select the second option, Kitano flips you off and the cartridge wipes itself. Takeshi's Challenge takes place in a city where everyone hates you, but that's OK, because you hate them, too: The game gives you the ability to repeatedly punch everyone you come across into a bloody pulp, from defenseless women and old men to violent cops and yakuza. That's it. #5. Via Vgboxart.com Did we say spicy food? Mostly. #4.
The Top 7… Watchable TVs 2. The Darkness On the other hand, The Darkness proved that you don’t need to relate TV to your material in order to make it an effective device for telling your story. Sometimes, as demonically possessed mob hitman Jackie Estacado showed us, it’s all about what’s happening around the TV. Take, for example, one of the game’s most poignant scenes, in which Jackie simply sits on the couch next to his girlfriend, Jenny. Would it have been quite as memorable or effective if, at her insistence, they hadn’t been watching the opening of To Kill A Mockingbird? The Darkness uses TV as more than just a backdrop for one of the most relatably emotional scenes of the current console generation, though. Sure, they were just low-fi video clips, but they were visible throughout the world, and they were there in full – which was more than most other games had attempted in 2007. Oh, well.
The 5 Ballsiest Easter Eggs Hidden in Video Games #2. Overworked Programmer Turns Helicopter Game into Gay Celebration Before the wildly popular SimCity game series transitioned into the even more wildly popular The Sims , their creators at Maxis tried out about a dozen other "Sim + some other word" combinations to see if they caught on. They did not. SimFarm failed because it lacked the option to annoy your family and friends with invitations. The best known of that bunch is SimCopter , but not for the reasons Maxis intended. We're not sure who that dude in the gray hoodie is, but we'd bet money he's taken a human life. This last part wasn't fully intentional, it turns out. Which explains the mysterious bulge in the girl on the right. Servin programmed the characters to come out only on certain dates, but an error in the code made them show up more often and in greater numbers, causing spontaneous gay pride parades to form around the helicopter. Looks pretty consensual to us. #1. It's the most entertaining 5 percent. "Remember New Coke?
6 Acts of Real-Life Heroism Made Possible by Video Games As Cracked has pointed out before, mankind is just now coming around to the idea that video games might actually be good for something after all. We need these stories to counterbalance two decades of claims that games brainwash kids into going on shooting sprees, and after having watched many friends abandon their social lives in favor of grinding for XP. Remember, games are neither good nor evil -- it's all in what you do with them. #6. Photos.com In any discussion about the benefits of multiplayer gaming, its capacity to bring people together would not usually enter into the equation. But among the jerks, there are some downright heartwarming stories. Photos.comSince the hero of the story hasn't been named, we just have to assume he looks like this. And here's the best part: When authorities got in touch with the suicidal kid's parents (who lived in Texas), they said they had no idea there was a problem. Meanwhile, Robert Chambers also benefited from the concern of online strangers.
The 20 Worst NES Games of All-Time Seanbaby writes a weekly column here every Thursday. But many of you may not be aware that he also invented being funny on the Internet. He was one of the first people who ever made Cracked's editors laugh while looking at a computer screen. Below, we take a look back at his comprehensive guide to the 20 worst NES games of all-time. Of all the games that inexplicably received the Nintendo Seal of Approval, these 20 stood out as the biggest mistakes. I don't know if the game making people were the nephews of the eccentric billionaire in charge of handing out the gold approval seals, or if Nintendo just didn't bother to check if the games sucked. This game was based on the adventures of Athena as she went on a quest to cure her boredom. If you take the time to look for the non-helpful secret items, you can unlock Athena's secret subgame I call "Dress up!" Graphics: 2 The graphics add some challenge to the game as you spend most of your time trying to figure out what you're fighting. Fun: 1
5 Ways to Tell You're Getting Too Old for Video Games We tend to be very critical of the video game industry here at Cracked, and damn it, the industry deserves it. They charge more per-copy of their product than any home entertainment medium, and are always looking to squeeze us for more. If they don't like being held to a high standard, tough shit. But ... a lot of the bitching I hear about games (some of which I hear out of my own mouth) isn't really about the games. #5. Hey, remember when a game was a wondrous adventure you could totally get lost in for weeks on end? Depending on your age, there's a good bet that in your teens at least one Final Fantasy game sucked you in with a force that no novel ever could. "Now let me tell you the entire history of the War of the Magi." Of course, those games were created back when the main story was something other than a one-day crash course intended to train you up for the multiplayer. But the Truth Is... My complaint isn't really with multiplayer. ... when you're in high school. Assholes. #4. #3.