5 Real Life Soldiers Who Make Rambo Look Like a Pussy Who Was He? Born to a family of redneck farmers from Tennessee, Alvin York spent much of his youth getting piss drunk in bars and getting into crazy barfights. When his friend got killed in one of the aforementioned barfights, he swore off the liquor, and became a pacifist. When he received his draft notice in 1917, York filed as a "conscientious objector" but was denied. They shipped his ass out to basic training. About a year later, he was one of 17 men designated to sneak around and take out a fortified machine-gun encampment guarding a German railroad. What's left of York's troupe. The few survivors that didn't have enormous balls of steel ran away, leaving York standing there taking fire from 32 heavy machine gunners. "I didn't have time to dodge behind a tree or dive into the brush, I didn't even have time to kneel or lie down. After he killed the first 20 men or so, a German lieutenant got five guys together to try to take this guy from the side. John Rambo from Rambo.
7 Historical Figures Who Were Absurdly Hard To Kill Gabriel Garcia Moreno Why He Had to Go Moreno served as president of Ecuador in the mid-19th century. One Moreno. Moreno established a law that made Catholicism the official religion of Ecuador, and required that anyone who ran or voted for office be Catholic. How He Went Down As he left the cathedral in Quito, Moreno was brutally attacked by a group of assassins. He stayed on his feet. Undeterred, his attackers shot him six times in the chest. After the assassins fled, the cathedral priests took Moreno back inside the church, where he lived for fifteen more minutes. Moreno's left testicle, artist's conception. Magellan was a Portuguese explorer who was the first person in history to circumnavigate the globe, and was the first European to reach the Philippine Islands. Magellan agreed to kill a man named Lapu-Lapu, an enemy of two different Philippine kings that he was friendly with. "Can't say I didn't try." Magellan and his crew landed on Lapu's home island of Mactan.
The 5 Most Badass Presidents of All-Time Plenty of people know George Washington as the father of our country, but few people know, (and this is, perhaps, more important), just how similar he was in behavior to the Incredible Hulk. Stay with us. As described by Thomas Jefferson, George Washington "was naturally irritable" and when his temper "broke its bonds, he was most tremendous in his wrath." One time, in fact, he became "much inflamed [and] got into one of those passions when he cannot command himself." Witnesses agreed that, after these sudden bursts of rage, Washington generally became calm and amiable again. Sound like anyone you know? Washington wasn't just a shirt-ripping comic book character waiting to happen, he was also an amazing general and, possibly, totally invincible. Though that isn't quite as catchy as "This is Sparta!" Greatest Display of Badassedry: Making America. Checking Teddy Roosevelt's resume is like reading a How-To guide on ass-kicking manliness. The last thing you saw before a brutal ass-kicking
6 Real World Da Vinci Codes That Aren't Full of Crap Thanks to Dan Brown, everyone has one of two responses to the idea that there are hidden codes in ancient works: Either you immediately believe them, because of that mind-blowing Da Vinci Code book, or you immediately mock them, because of that bullshit Da Vinci Code book. The truth is somewhere in the middle. There are, after all, some fairly weird encoded messages that actual academic types have identified. And some of them are even about Freemasons. The Michelangelo Code Encoded Messages About: Jewish mysticism. Cracked has mentioned before that Michelangelo appears to have cleverly painted God to look like a giant brain in his Sistine Chapel fresco... ... but according to a prominent professor at Yeshiva University, the rabbit hole goes much, much deeper than that: Michelangelo's work is packed full of symbols of Jewish mysticism. T-shirt evangelism is famously effective. So, in kabbalah, the Hebrew letter gimel symbolizes g'vurah, or justice and punishment. Above: Sarcasm. See?
Scary Paranormal Stories » String Theory Add this post to your list of favorites! Rating: 9.2/10 (1371 votes cast) Have you ever had an experience that suggested someone else was in your house, and just thought “I don’t wanna know” and left it? Sometimes, fear of the unknown just seems like the preferable option than facing a real, concrete danger. But what would you do when something truly suggestive happens? Last Monday was a normal day. There were three or four thick twine strings in my room. Nobody could have been in my room while I was in it, let alone set this up. It didn’t get any better later. I nervously continued my journey to school. When my friend Lucy sat beside me in first period, she simply plonked her bag down on my lap and rested her chin in her hand, looking right past me to the window outside. “Hey Lucy.” No response. “Come on, I didn’t expect you to be in on this too She sighed and started taking books from her bag. “Um.” “Well, if that’s how we’re gonna play it.” “Holy crap, Martin. “No. No reaction. ”Look.”
Mistaken Identity In 1903, a prisoner named Will West arrived at Leavenworth. The record clerk took the photographs above and, thinking he remembered West, asked whether he had been there before. West said no. The clerk took some measurements, went to the file, and produced this record, bearing the name William West: Amazed, the prisoner said, “That’s my picture, but I don’t know where you got it, for I know I have never been here before.” Incredibly, this was true. The case became a strong argument in favor of the new science of fingerprinting.
6 Insane Coincidences You Won't Believe Actually Happened America's Freak Luck During the Battle of Midway The Battle of Midway may be remembered as one of the most spectacular naval battles in history and one of the huge turning points in the Pacific theater, but it started out as a pure clusterfuck for the Americans. Despite going into battle with most of Japan's game plan in their pocket thanks to American codebreakers/Bothan spies, the U.S. Where it Gets Weird: There was one squadron of American dive bombers lead by Lieutenant Commander C. His squadron started dropping like flies until, in an act of sheer luck that would make even J.K. Where it Gets Even Weirder: While finding the ships at all was luck, by some kind of ridiculous freak luck McClusky's squadron arrived at the precise moment when all three Japanese carriers were reloading and rearming their aircraft. It'd be like this happening four times, and all in one battle. ...when he wasn't busy being a pimp. Commence mindfucking. Or, you know, two. Also on July Fourth.
Gauguin painting in Washington DC attacked by woman 6 April 2011Last updated at 02:22 Two Tahitian Women is to be put back on display on Tuesday morning A woman who attacked a painting by Paul Gauguin hanging in the National Gallery in Washington DC said the French artist was "evil", court records show. Susan Burns pounded Two Tahitian Women and tried to rip it from a gallery wall on Friday, officials said. The 1899 painting, which depicts two women's bare breasts, was behind a plastic cover and was unharmed. She was charged with attempted theft and destruction of property and is being held pending a mental evaluation. On Friday afternoon the accused slammed her hands against the plexiglass cover between the canvas and the frame. 'Beautiful, mysterious women' A museum security officer intervened and detained her. Ms Burns, 53, from Virginia, told police she thought the painting should be burned, according to court records. "I feel that Gauguin is evil," she was quoted as telling police. "He has nudity and is bad for the children.
Beach beast reproduces at last Catherine de Lange, reporter (Music credit: Gymnopédie No 1 by Eric Satie) On a windy day, Dutch day-trippers may be lucky enough to spot a member of the elusive Strandbeest family crawling along one of Holland's beaches. With a massive two-tonne body, the largest creature in the family, Ventosa Siamesis - see video above - stands nearly 5 metres tall, and with its articulated body a gigantic 10 metres long it is certainly a creature to behold. These beasts are constructed not from flesh and bone but by hand from plastic bottles and recycled tubing. They use wind to power their locomotion, and can trap air in a "stomach" made of plastic bottles, so they retain a power source for movement in case the wind stops blowing. One thing that stood the Strandbeests apart from real animals was their inability to reproduce - until now. Jansen has always imagined a day when his creatures would be able to replicate autonomously.
5 Spies with Bigger Balls Than James Bond Sean Connery convinced us all that to be a totally kickass spy all you needed was a nice suit, a martini and a wang that did your thinking for you. But where Bond stopped to make sure his Aston Martin was looking its best before taking out his one nemesis and his gimmick-laden crony, there are real-life spies who etched their names in history with the sheer size of their balls. Richard Sorge Turned World War II Richard Sorge was an expert marksman, fluent in several languages and sported a Ph.D. in political science (because every spy should be able to distract you with a speech on the sociopolitical impact of poverty while he shoots you with a poison wrist-dart). He was recruited by the Soviet Union and has even been referred to as "Stalin's James Bond," though it was in a French newspaper who said it and God only knows what their standard for that title is. And then, shit got real... File photo of Sorge from the Covert Super Spy Newsletter. Go on, suck my dick, Stalin. English food.
How I Learned the Truth about the State - Stefano R. Mugnaini I'll never forget my last visit to lovely Hinesville, Georgia. For it was there that I learned a valuable lesson, one I shall never forget: in a police state, we're all criminals. Think about it — how many laws have you broken today? This week? In Hinesville, I was accosted for "animal cruelty." The older of my two daughters had a rash, so we stopped at Walmart to get her some antihistamine cream. You see, we left the dogs in the car, with the windows down and a dish of water to drink. I was informed that I was being charged with criminal animal cruelty, subject to appear in court at a later date. The officer informed me that I was going to have to take the dogs to the vet to be checked out before we were allowed to continue on our way. I tried another tactic. "At what point," I asked, "was I in violation of the law?" He couldn't answer, but the heroic policeman — let's just call him "Vic Maldonado" — sprang into action. I was cuffed and escorted to the back of the squad car.