DO. NOT. REACT. Tips for surviving & mastering confrontation, with grace — in business & in love. Pop quiz, people: How do you drop an atom bomb of sudden, unexpected (and quite possibly, undesirable) information on someone you care about — without behaving like a cruel, dispassionate ogre? If you’re the unfortunate recipient of the aforementioned atom bomb, how do you respond with compassion — instead of setting off a furious chain reaction? To answer incendiary questions like these, we’re going to need a little professional help. Enter: Tina Tessina, Ph.D, L.M.F.T. Ah, sweet serendipity. I discovered Dr. I’ve evolved considerably since then, but I (still) love Tina’s all-heart, no drama approach to communication, intimacy and Grown-Up Love. And today, we’re bringing you our combined communication powers . . . so that the next time you drop (or receive) a BOMB — in business or in love — you can respond like a sagacious adult, not a reactionary toddler. If you’re the BOMB RECEIVER . . . When the bomb drops, STOP. Tell your partner: “You’ve given me a lot to think about. Try asking: AND!
Rape Culture 101 [Trigger warning.] Frequently, I receive requests to provide a definition of the term "rape culture." I've referred people to the Wikipedia entry on rape culture, which is pretty good, and I like the definition provided in Transforming a Rape Culture: A rape culture is a complex of beliefs that encourages male sexual aggression and supports violence against women. But my correspondents—whether they are dewy noobs just coming to feminism, advanced feminists looking for a source, or disbelievers in the existence of the rape culture—always seem to be looking for something more comprehensive and less abstract: What is the rape culture? It is not a definition for which they're looking; not really. Rape culture is encouraging male sexual aggression. Rape culture is treating straight sexuality as the norm. Rape culture is rape being used as a weapon, a tool of war and genocide and oppression. Rape culture is 1 in 33 men being sexually assaulted in their lifetimes. Rape culture is rape jokes.
12 (More!) Combat-Ready Comebacks Last week’s Combat-Ready Comebacks post was quite the sleeper box-office hit. Your comments were intriguing, compelling and inspiring. Most importantly, I got schooled about using the word “lame” (as in, “physically disabled”) as a synonym for “bad.” I’m riding the comeback wave, and dishing out 12 more self-assured, assertive statements — based on your impassioned requests. I wanna hear these lifescripts echoing in hallowed halls across the nation. SETTING: You’re browsing through the Discount Strumpet Aisle at Forever 21, in search of seasonal finery. Instead of saying: “No, you’re not!” If your friend ISN’T fat, try saying: “Hey, doll, you’re gorgeous. Or perhaps: “You’re fat. If your friend IS fat, try saying: “Yup, you’re fat. SETTING: You’re an inked-up vixen. “{ Insert expletive here }, you shallow cowbell!” Try saying: “That’s interesting. Or: “And you’d be prettier if you weren’t covered in all that bigotry!” Or: “I couldn’t help but overhear your comment about my body. { Nothing }
Illegally Park-ed - Page 1 - News - Orange County - OC Weekly No one disputes that an on-duty Irvine police officer got an erection and ejaculated on a motorist during an early-morning traffic stop in Laguna Beach. The female driver reported it, DNA testing confirmed it and officer David Alex Park finally admitted it. When the case went to trial, however, defense attorney Al Stokke argued that Park wasn't responsible for making sticky all over the woman's sweater. He insisted that she made the married patrolman make the mess—after all, she was on her way home from work as a dancer at Captain Cream Cabaret. "She got what she wanted," said Stokke. "She's an overtly sexual person." Officer Park: put your hands behind my back Related Stories More About A jury of one woman and 11 men—many white and in their 50s or 60s—agreed with Stokke. Park, 31, was red-faced and unable to control his twitching foot in the moments before the verdict was announced; if convicted, he would have faced prison. Meanwhile, Park was on patrol in the southwest portion of Irvine.
9 Combat-Ready Comebacks Today, I’m offering up a platter of 9 combat-ready comebacks for 3 all-too-common situations. Memorize ‘em. Customize ‘em. Walk tall, and rise above it all. SETTING: You’re strutting down the street, sipping on a pumpkin spice latte, feeling bourgeoisie and fancy-free. Suddenly, a clipboard-wielding nonprofit employee harangues you on the curb, asking for a monthly contribution to their (admittedly noble) cause. Instead of saying: “Um, uh, sure.” { Awkwardly fumble for credit card, feeling guilty, resentful & glum } Try saying: “I think the work you’re doing is commendable — and I’d be happy to jot down your organization’s URL so I can research it later — but as a rule, I avoid making spontaneous financial decisions on street-corners. “I choose three nonprofits to support each year, and that’s all my budget can accommodate. “I can’t commit to a monthly membership, but I’ll happily write you a one-time check for twenty bucks if it helps your cause. { Nothing } Try saying: “Gay? “Dude.
i am i am i am Let's all reclaim our bodies and hug each other - WARNING: Picture might be considered obscene... So it goes. Arsenic in rice: how concerned should you be? If you knew there was arsenic in your food, would you eat it? More importantly, would you serve it to your children? Recently, Consumer Reports Magazine released their analysis of arsenic levels in rice products, and the results were concerning. Popular rice products including white rice, brown rice, organic rice baby cereal, and rice breakfast cereals, were all found to contain arsenic, a potent carcinogen that can also be harmful to a child’s developing brain. “In virtually every product tested, we found measurable amounts of total arsenic in its two forms. The study not only found a significant amount of arsenic in many rice products on the market, but also that arsenic levels in the blood directly increase with greater rice consumption.(1) Several products tested had more arsenic in each serving than the 5 parts per billion (ppb) limit for adults set by the EPA as safe. (2) White rice can be a “safe” starch I don’t think it’s necessary to completely eliminate rice from the diet.
I Hate This Mess, In 2007, a British man charged with the rape of a... How To Make Good Things Happen Email This guest post was written by Diggy, author of Upgrade Reality. When wild animals are first captured and put into zoo cages they try everything to get out of that cage. They bite it, run into it with their full weight, and claw at the cage. They persist for weeks and months and they take any chance they can to free themselves. But after a few years of captivity these wild animals lose their fierce desire to be free. Are you like these wild animals in a cage? You may think your past is indicative of your future, and that you’ve been cast in an imprisoning mold. The mindset of your past being indicative of your future is a trap – an extremely easy and unnecessary trap. Your Wake-Up Call “Everything you can imagine is real.” Your reality can be whatever you want it to be. Often things are not as difficult as they seem: For years athletes couldn’t run one mile in under four minutes. This is also true for how you have lived your life from the day you were born until this very moment.
So it goes. Three Ways to Find Quiet Every Single Day By: Mary Beth LaRue In our bustling day-to-day lives, it’s far too easy to shift into autopilot, hardly even noticing the beauty and little (or sometimes very big!) miracles around us. Even during the busiest of days, when even making it to our yoga mat feels like a chore, there must be time for quiet to keep us in a state of balance. How? It’s so simple. 1. 2. 3. And lastly, practice compassion with yourself. Mary Beth LaRue is a full-time yoga instructor and writer living out her dreams in Venice Beach. Tropes vs. Women: #4 The Evil Demon Seductress First off, great video, as all in this series have been. I just have a minor gripe... I totally understand why Poison Ivy was put into the video. Again, I understand her inclusion, but I feel she is a more complicated character than simply an 'evil demon seductress' trope. What I'm saying is, people who know little of Ivy and see her as only being the embodiment of this trope should look more into the character. I'm done rambling now.