Empathic Listening The Benefits of Empathic Listening Empathic listening (also called active listening or reflective listening) is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding and trust. It is an essential skill for third parties and disputants alike, as it enables the listener to receive and accurately interpret the speaker's message, and then provide an appropriate response. The response is an integral part of the listening process and can be critical to the success of a negotiation or mediation. Among its benefits, empathic listening builds trust and respect, enables the disputants to release their emotions, reduces tensions, encourages the surfacing of information, and creates a safe environment that is conducive to collaborative problem solving. Though useful for everyone involved in a conflict, the ability and willingness to listen with empathy is often what sets the mediator apart from others involved in the conflict. "How was I different?" Be attentive.
The One Conversational Tool That Will Make You Better At Absolutely Everything Ask yourself: If you could interview like Walter Cronkite, would you get more value from your meetings? Would your mentors become more valuable? Would your chance encounters with executives in elevators and thought leaders in conferences yield action items and relationships? The answer is yes. “As someone who had little to no experience in business--outside of running my own one-man freelancing operation--all that's really saved me (so far) from madness are the skills I used as a journalist,” says Evan Ratliff, who wrote for magazines like The New Yorker before founding his startup, The Atavist. Good questions can move your business, organization, or career forward. The problem is, most of us ask terrible questions. But we don’t have to. The following advice can make you a much better interrogator, not to mention conversationalist: Don’t Ask Multiple-Choice Questions When people are nervous, they tend to ramble, and their questions tend to trail off into series of possible answers.
Job Networking Tips: How to Find the Right Job by Building Relationships What is networking? The vast majority of job openings are never advertised; they’re filled by word of mouth. That’s why networking is the best way to find a job. You already know how to network Networking is nothing more than getting to know people. Tapping the hidden job market may take more planning and nerve than searching online, but it’s much more effective. Networking is the best way to find a job because: People do business primarily with people they know and like. Job networking tip 1: You know more people than you think You may think that you don’t know anyone who can help you with your job search. Make a list of the people in your network Your network is bigger than you think it is. Think about people you know from former jobs, high school and college, church, your child’s school, the gym, social media, or your neighborhood. Yes, you do have a job network, and it’s more powerful than you think: It feels good to help others. Job networking tip 2: Reach out to your network
Don’t Get Defensive: Communication Tips for the Vigilant - Mark Goulston by Mark Goulston | 12:00 PM November 15, 2013 When we get defensive, we make it that much harder for our conversational counterparts to hear what we’re saying. We also make it harder to really listen to what *they* have to say. If you get hooked into defensiveness — and most of us do — you probably already know it. Well, I’ll tell you. After someone has said something that causes you to arch your back and want to become defensive: Strike 1 – Think of the first thing you want to say or do and don’t do that. Strike 2 – Think of the second thing you want to say or do and don’t do that, either. Strike 3 – Think of the third thing you want to say or do and then do that. The main reason to stop getting defensive is that it usually triggers the same response in the other person. If you’re struggling with what that non-defensive, non-retaliatory, solution-oriented statement might be, focus on being a “plusser.” One way of plussing is to use the phrase, “Say more about ______.”
What Great Listeners Actually Do What makes a good listener? Most people think is comes down to three components: not interrupting the speaker, following along with facial expressions, and being able to repeat back almost verbatim what the speaker has just said.... Chances are you think you’re a good listener. In our experience, most people think good listening comes down to doing three things: Not talking when others are speaking Letting others know you’re listening through facial expressions and verbal sounds (“Mmm-hmm”) Being able to repeat what others have said, practically word-for-word In fact, much management advice on listening suggests doing these very things – encouraging listeners to remain quiet, nod and “mm-hmm” encouragingly, and then repeat back to the talker something like, “So, let me make sure I understand. We analyzed data describing the behavior of 3,492 participants in a development program designed to help managers become better coaches. Of course, there are different levels of listening.
Make Nurturing Your Network A Daily Habit | Deborah Shane ToolboxDeborah Shane Toolbox | Plug In and Power Up Your Brand! Published with Permission from Andy Robinson, Career Success Blog. All too often I find that my coaching clients, faced with an impending job change — voluntary or involuntary — realize very quickly that their contact network is “stale” and rather shallow. It is MUCH easier to maintain and nourish your network on an ongoing basis rather than play “catch-up” when you find yourself in need of help from others. Your network of business, professional and personal contacts is the most valuable and transportable asset you have….period. Nurture Your Network …. Make a commitment NOW to begin getting your contact network house in order. Assimilate Names. Update Contact Information. Utilize a Contact Management System. “A, B, C” Your Contact List. Initiate Contact with Everyone Within the Next 30 Days. Include your COMPLETE contact information in your email signature block. Maintain Ongoing Contact. Give Something. Project Your Brand in All Communications. Three Final Thoughts:
A scientific guide to saying "no": How to avoid temptation and distraction 2K Flares Filament.io 2K Flares × Learning how to say no is one of the most useful skills you can develop I found, especially when it comes to living a more productive and healthy life. Saying no to unnecessary commitments can give you the time you need to recover and rejuvenate. Saying no to daily distractions can give you the space you need to focus on what is important to you. And saying no to temptation can help you stay on track and achieve your health goals. In fact not being able to say no, is one of the most biggest downfalls that successful entrepreneurs claim as their own key mistakes. But how do we actually get past the urgencies of everyday life and avoid distraction, so that we can focus the things that are really important to us? It seems like a big task, I wholeheartedly agree. How to Say No: Research Reveals the Best Way In a research study published in the Journal of Consumer Research, 120 students were split into two different groups. Here’s what happened:
Active Listening “You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.” ― M. Scott Peck The Basics The sense that we are not being listened to is one of the most frustrating feelings imaginable. Toddlers scream about it, teenagers move out, couples split up, companies breakdown. One of the main reasons this breakdown in communication occurs is that listening (like reading, thinking clearly and focusing) is a skill which we rarely consider to be something requiring knowledge and practice. There is a difference between hearing and listening. We assume that, as long as we can hear someone and understand their words that we are listening. Listening is one of the foundations of society – it is what enables us to form meaningful relationships and connections. As Mortimer J. Active listening is a technique for developing our ability to listen. As a communication technique, it is used in many professional settings but is also valuable for everyday life. As Sheldon B. Comprehending Retaining
Careers at CNIB View in Web Browser /en/about/Careers/_layouts/VisioWebAccess/VisioWebAccess.aspx?listguid={ListId}&itemid={ItemId}&DefaultItemOpen=1 0x0 0x1 FileType vdw Manage Subscriptions /_layouts/images/ReportServer/Manage_Subscription.gif /en/about/Careers/_layouts/ReportServer/ManageSubscriptions.aspx? 0x80 rdl Manage Data Sources /en/about/Careers/_layouts/ReportServer/DataSourceList.aspx? 0x20 Manage Shared Datasets /en/about/Careers/_layouts/ReportServer/DatasetList.aspx? Manage Parameters /en/about/Careers/_layouts/ReportServer/ParameterList.aspx? 0x4 Manage Processing Options /en/about/Careers/_layouts/ReportServer/ReportExecution.aspx? Manage Cache Refresh Plans /en/about/Careers/_layouts/ReportServer/CacheRefreshPlanList.aspx? View Report History /en/about/Careers/_layouts/ReportServer/ReportHistory.aspx? 0x44 View Dependent Items /en/about/Careers/_layouts/ReportServer/DependentItems.aspx? rsds Edit Data Source Definition /en/about/Careers/_layouts/ReportServer/SharedDataSource.aspx? smdl Manage Clickthrough Reports
FBI Secrets of Establishing Rapport: Interview with FBI Veteran Robin Dreeke Even if you’re the biggest introvert in the world, Robin Dreeke can get you to talk. As a 15-year FBI veteran and lead trainer for social engineering and interpersonal skills at the agency, Dreeke is a master of establishing rapport with just about anyone, and that includes the IT guy who never looks up from his keyboard. As head of the Behavioral Analysis Program, Dreeke often is asked by companies to help their leaders better communicate with their teams and increase collaboration . Dreeke says he finds the best way to establish rapport with others is by asking himself, “What do I want the other people to tell me or do for me, for the team or for the company?” Then he contemplates this question: “Why should they do it?” “In other words, not why I think they should, but why they think they should. That’s a formula any leader can use and is critical because it’s focused on developing trust, he says. AB: So what’s the fallout from such a strategy? Anita Bruzzese More Posts
Why we should all stop saying “I know exactly how you feel” Kasia Bogdanska A good friend of mine lost her dad some years back. I found her sitting alone outside our workplace, just staring at the horizon. She was absolutely distraught, and I didn’t know what to say to her. So I started talking about how I grew up without a father. But after I related this story, my friend snapped, “Okay, Celeste, you win. I was stunned and mortified. And she answered, “No, Celeste, you don’t. Often subtle and unconscious, conversational narcissism is the desire to do most of the talking and to turn the focus of the exchange to yourself. She walked away and I stood there feeling like a jerk. From that day forward, I started to notice how often I responded to stories of loss and struggle with stories of my own experiences. Sociologist Charles Derber describes this tendency as “conversational narcissism.” He describes two kinds of responses in conversations: a shift response and a support response. Example number 1: The shift response Mary: I’m so busy right now.
6 hostage negotiation techniques that will get you what you want How does hostage negotiation get people to change their minds? The Behavioral Change Stairway Model was developed by the FBI’s hostage negotiation unit, and it shows the 5 steps to getting someone else to see your point of view and change what they’re doing. It’s not something that only works with barricaded criminals wielding assault rifles — it applies to most any form of disagreement. There are five steps: Active Listening: Listen to their side and make them aware you’re listening.Empathy: You get an understanding of where they’re coming from and how they feel.Rapport: Empathy is what you feel. Rapport is when they feel it back. The problem is, you’re probably screwing it up. What you’re doing wrong In all likelihood you usually skip the first three steps. And that never works. Saying “Here’s why I’m right and you’re wrong” might be effective if people were fundamentally rational. But they’re not. From my interview with former head of FBI international hostage negotiation, Chris Voss: 1. 2.
Did You Know There Are 5 Levels of Listening? Most people who think they are good listeners underperform. There is some research that suggests they do so by as much as 60%. This overconfidence impedes their success as it prevents them from truly understanding the motivation of the other side.Nothing puts a relationship in jeopardy faster than poor listening. Husband, wife, son, daughter, boss or subordinate, people do not take long to estimate your commitment to listening, especially when 93% of communication is wrapped up in physical syntax and delivery. Given this percentage, it is not easy to convince someone else that you are listening if in fact you are not. So why do most underperform? Listening For The Gist The first level is intermittent listening; that is to say listening long enough to get the gist of what the other side is saying before we refocus on our internal voice which is formulating a reaction from our world view. Listening To Rebut At the next level, we listen to rebut. Listening for Logic Listening for Emotion
Praise versus Encouragement Most of us believe that we need to praise our children more. However, there is some controversy regarding this point. If we always reward a child with praise after a task is completed, then the child comes to expect it. However, if praise is not forthcoming, then its absence may be interpreted by the child as failure. One of the main differences between praise and encouragement is that praise often comes paired with a judgment or evaluation, such as "best" or "highest" in these examples. According to Bolton (1979, pg 181): Evaluative praise is the expression of favorable judgment about another person or his behaviors: "Eric, you are such a good boy." According to Ginott (1965): Evaluative praise.....creates anxiety, invites dependency, and evokes defensiveness. According to Taylor (1979): A real life experience, illustrating these principles, was provided by the well know cellist, Gregor Piatigorsky (1965). "Mr. "Bravo! "Splendid! Bewildered, I left the house. Sam: It's scary. Mr. Mr. Mr.