Empathic Listening The Benefits of Empathic Listening Empathic listening (also called active listening or reflective listening) is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding and trust. It is an essential skill for third parties and disputants alike, as it enables the listener to receive and accurately interpret the speaker's message, and then provide an appropriate response. The response is an integral part of the listening process and can be critical to the success of a negotiation or mediation. Among its benefits, empathic listening builds trust and respect, enables the disputants to release their emotions, reduces tensions, encourages the surfacing of information, and creates a safe environment that is conducive to collaborative problem solving. Though useful for everyone involved in a conflict, the ability and willingness to listen with empathy is often what sets the mediator apart from others involved in the conflict. "How was I different?" Be attentive.
Don’t Get Defensive: Communication Tips for the Vigilant - Mark Goulston by Mark Goulston | 12:00 PM November 15, 2013 When we get defensive, we make it that much harder for our conversational counterparts to hear what we’re saying. We also make it harder to really listen to what *they* have to say. If you get hooked into defensiveness — and most of us do — you probably already know it. Well, I’ll tell you. After someone has said something that causes you to arch your back and want to become defensive: Strike 1 – Think of the first thing you want to say or do and don’t do that. Strike 2 – Think of the second thing you want to say or do and don’t do that, either. Strike 3 – Think of the third thing you want to say or do and then do that. The main reason to stop getting defensive is that it usually triggers the same response in the other person. If you’re struggling with what that non-defensive, non-retaliatory, solution-oriented statement might be, focus on being a “plusser.” One way of plussing is to use the phrase, “Say more about ______.”
A scientific guide to saying "no": How to avoid temptation and distraction 2K Flares Filament.io 2K Flares × Learning how to say no is one of the most useful skills you can develop I found, especially when it comes to living a more productive and healthy life. Saying no to unnecessary commitments can give you the time you need to recover and rejuvenate. Saying no to daily distractions can give you the space you need to focus on what is important to you. And saying no to temptation can help you stay on track and achieve your health goals. In fact not being able to say no, is one of the most biggest downfalls that successful entrepreneurs claim as their own key mistakes. But how do we actually get past the urgencies of everyday life and avoid distraction, so that we can focus the things that are really important to us? It seems like a big task, I wholeheartedly agree. How to Say No: Research Reveals the Best Way In a research study published in the Journal of Consumer Research, 120 students were split into two different groups. Here’s what happened:
FBI Secrets of Establishing Rapport: Interview with FBI Veteran Robin Dreeke Even if you’re the biggest introvert in the world, Robin Dreeke can get you to talk. As a 15-year FBI veteran and lead trainer for social engineering and interpersonal skills at the agency, Dreeke is a master of establishing rapport with just about anyone, and that includes the IT guy who never looks up from his keyboard. As head of the Behavioral Analysis Program, Dreeke often is asked by companies to help their leaders better communicate with their teams and increase collaboration . Dreeke says he finds the best way to establish rapport with others is by asking himself, “What do I want the other people to tell me or do for me, for the team or for the company?” Then he contemplates this question: “Why should they do it?” “In other words, not why I think they should, but why they think they should. That’s a formula any leader can use and is critical because it’s focused on developing trust, he says. AB: So what’s the fallout from such a strategy? Anita Bruzzese More Posts
6 hostage negotiation techniques that will get you what you want How does hostage negotiation get people to change their minds? The Behavioral Change Stairway Model was developed by the FBI’s hostage negotiation unit, and it shows the 5 steps to getting someone else to see your point of view and change what they’re doing. It’s not something that only works with barricaded criminals wielding assault rifles — it applies to most any form of disagreement. There are five steps: Active Listening: Listen to their side and make them aware you’re listening.Empathy: You get an understanding of where they’re coming from and how they feel.Rapport: Empathy is what you feel. Rapport is when they feel it back. The problem is, you’re probably screwing it up. What you’re doing wrong In all likelihood you usually skip the first three steps. And that never works. Saying “Here’s why I’m right and you’re wrong” might be effective if people were fundamentally rational. But they’re not. From my interview with former head of FBI international hostage negotiation, Chris Voss: 1. 2.
The One Conversational Tool That Will Make You Better At Absolutely Everything Ask yourself: If you could interview like Walter Cronkite, would you get more value from your meetings? Would your mentors become more valuable? Would your chance encounters with executives in elevators and thought leaders in conferences yield action items and relationships? The answer is yes. “As someone who had little to no experience in business--outside of running my own one-man freelancing operation--all that's really saved me (so far) from madness are the skills I used as a journalist,” says Evan Ratliff, who wrote for magazines like The New Yorker before founding his startup, The Atavist. Good questions can move your business, organization, or career forward. The problem is, most of us ask terrible questions. But we don’t have to. The following advice can make you a much better interrogator, not to mention conversationalist: Don’t Ask Multiple-Choice Questions When people are nervous, they tend to ramble, and their questions tend to trail off into series of possible answers.
Praise versus Encouragement Most of us believe that we need to praise our children more. However, there is some controversy regarding this point. If we always reward a child with praise after a task is completed, then the child comes to expect it. However, if praise is not forthcoming, then its absence may be interpreted by the child as failure. One of the main differences between praise and encouragement is that praise often comes paired with a judgment or evaluation, such as "best" or "highest" in these examples. According to Bolton (1979, pg 181): Evaluative praise is the expression of favorable judgment about another person or his behaviors: "Eric, you are such a good boy." According to Ginott (1965): Evaluative praise.....creates anxiety, invites dependency, and evokes defensiveness. According to Taylor (1979): A real life experience, illustrating these principles, was provided by the well know cellist, Gregor Piatigorsky (1965). "Mr. "Bravo! "Splendid! Bewildered, I left the house. Sam: It's scary. Mr. Mr. Mr.
HOW DOES NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION WORK? NVC offers many tools for connecting with others in ways that serve life. Nonviolent Communication can dramatically improve our relationships by helping us focus our attention on: Empathic understanding of others – without compromising our values, and Honest expression of our feelings and needs – without blame or judgment In NVC, we learn to hear difficult messages with compassion and to express ourselves authentically with the help of these four steps: OBSERVATION – what we observe that is affecting our well-being FEELINGS – how we are feeling in relation to what we are observing NEEDS – the values, dreams, and preferences connected to our feelings REQUEST – the concrete, presently doable actions we request in order to respond to our needs and enrich our lives These tools help create dialogue for resolutions that respect everyone. NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION helps -- We encourage you to learn more by reading Marshall’s book: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion.
6 Exercises To Strengthen Compassionate Leadership Disney has been known for its litigious nature in the past, going so far as to change copyright law in order to keep Mickey Mouse out of public domain. That's why it's kind of weird that a movie filmed at Disney World, unapproved by the Mouse House, even exists at all. After making a splash at Sundance this year, though, the intriguing Escape From Tomorrow appears to be heading for a theatrical release--and the first trailer is now online. First-time director Randy Moore shot the film at the Florida theme park, guerrilla-style, over a series of visits with his crew and an unknown cast. The hallucinatory Escape From Tomorrow tells the tale of a father completely losing his shit over the course of a day at a certain tourism Mecca.
Science, Creativity and the Real World Gifted Homeschoolers Forum Science, Creativity and the Real World: Lessons Learned from the U.S. Homeschool Community By Corin Barsily Goodwin and Mika Gustavson, MFT A great deal of concern surrounds the lack of quality in science education in the United States. A simple Google search of “science education in America” brings up link after link on the horrific failure of standards and the many additional problems inherent in the current system of education. Moreover, the need for appropriate education for gifted students is also under attack—as it has been for many years. A 2012 study by the Fordham Institute[1] identifies four main factors for the failure of science standards to produce a flock of achievers: an undermining of evolutionary theory, vague goals, not enough guidance for teachers on how to integrate the history of science and the concept of scientific inquiry into their lessons, and not enough math instruction. ~ Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi ~William Butler Yeats Science and Homeschooling Conclusion
What schools need: Vigor instead of rigor - The Answer Sheet This was written by Joanne Yatvin, a veteran public school educator, author and past president of the National Council of Teachers of English. She is now teaching part-time at Portland State University. A version of this was originally published in the Atlanta Journal Constitution. By Joanne Yatvin Though my years in the classroom are long past, at heart I am still a cranky old English teacher who bristles at some of the neologisms that have crept into public language. Even so, I remain politely quiet when others commit such grammatical transgressions. Part of my reaction is emotional, having so often heard “rigor” paired with “mortis.” Now, more than ever, “rigor” is being used to promote the idea that American students need advanced course work, complex texts, stricter grading, and longer school days and years in order to be ready for college or the workplace. Since I believe it is time for a better word and a better concept to drive American education, I recommend “vigor.”
How being called smart can actually make you stupid | Neurobonkers A few months ago I posted a piece which has become my most popular blog post by quite a landslide. The post covered various techniques for learning and looked at the empirical evidence for and against their efficacy based on recent research. This post is my follow up, in which I look at the case for one tip for learning that it seems really could have a big impact. A growing body of evidence from the last two decades suggests that our attitude towards our own potential for intelligence has a considerable impact on our lives, furthermore we are incredibly vulnerable to having this attitude or "mindset" moulded for better or worse, by how people praise us in a way that is both shocking and problematic. Counterintuitively, it has been repeatedly demonstrated that praising people for their intelligence rather than their effort can actually make people perform drastically worse over time, avoid future challenges and form negative attitudes to learning and towards themselves. References:
How The Memory Works In Learning How The Memory Works In Learning By Dr. Judy Willis, M.D., M.Ed. Teachers are the caretakers of the development of students’ highest brain during the years of its most extensive changes. This introduction to the basics of the neuroscience of learning includes information that should be included in all teacher education programs. Teaching Grows Brain Cells IQ is not fixed at birth and brain development and intelligence are “plastic” in that internal and environmental stimuli constantly change the structure and function of neurons and their connections. It was once believed that brain cell growth stops after age twenty. These physical changes of brain self-reconstruction in response to experiences including sensory input, emotions, conscious and unconscious thoughts are so responsive that human potential for increased knowledge, physical skills, and “talent” in the arts is essentially limitless. High Stress Restricts Brain Processing to the Survival State Memory is Sustained by Use The Future
How your brain likes to be treated at revision time If you're a student, you rely on one brain function above all others: memory. These days, we understand more about the structure of memory than we ever have before, so we can find the best techniques for training your brain to hang on to as much information as possible. The process depends on the brain's neuroplasticity, its ability to reorganise itself throughout your life by breaking and forming new connections between its billions of cells. How does it work? Your hippocampus is forced to store many new patterns every day. So what's the best way to revise? Forget about initial letters Teachers often urge students to make up mnemonics – sentences based on the initial letters of items you're trying to remember. The mnemonic is providing you with a cue but, if you haven't memorised the names, the information you want to recall is not there. Repeat yourself Pathways between neurons can be strengthened over time. Use science to help you retrieve info Take regular breaks Avoid distractions