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Britain 'could do more' to discourage tourism Tourism chiefs have commissioned a £10m campaign based around the slogan 'You'll wish you were dead' As the latest Lonely Planet guide dismissed the country as overpriced and uninspiring, tourism authority Visit Britain asked the publishers not to forget it is also bastard freezing most of the time too. They have now requested that the cover for the UK guide be a photograph of a teenager being listlessly fingered in a Carlisle bus depot and for the prose to be re-written by a provincial insurance salesman. A Visit Britain spokesman said: “We’ll discourage every last fat, rucksack-wearing shit from strolling along the train platform while I’m trying to get to cocking work, even if it means raising the prices at Tussaud’s to £300 to look at a replica Alan Titchmarsh. “But some of Britain is actually quite pretty, so we’ve had to fill those parts with bleak mediocrity-bunkers posing as B&Bs that charge a week’s wages to sleep in a stained cot that smells like damp from the 1950s.”
World shortest fairy tale Daily Schedule More of Randall's Favorite Learning Resources [ Quiz Script | Text Completion Quiz ] What is your daily schedule? What time do you wake up and go to work or school? Listen to the conversation by pressing the "Play Audio" button and answer the questions. [ Other Audio Options: Play RealMedia | Play Window Media ] Listen to the conversation again as you read the Quiz Script. Now, discuss your own typical schedule for a weekday and a weekend. Randall's Sites: Daily ESL | ESL Blog | EZSlang | Train Your Accent | Tips For Students | Hiking In Utah Government sexual health adviser to be hatchet-faced old bag Does your rutting pass the Battenburg test? The former headmistress and Neighbourhood Watch organiser has already started work on a new leaflet for sex disease clinics entitled I Know What Filth Like You Gets Up To And I Think It’s Repulsive, from her cluttered yet immaculately tidy home in Guildford. Gerving said: “First order of business is her from number 36. No ring on her finger, two kids and neither of the dads to be seen. Mind you, with a mother like her’s she’s no better than she ought to be.” She added: “I don’t mind what people do in their own homes, so long as it’s something I could quite cheerfully sit next to while watching Downton Abbey and eating a slice of Battenburg without wanting to puke it into a bucket.” More than 300 bitter, rancid old cows will be trained by Gerving in how to glare at teenagers before being sent out to conduct sex education lessons in Britain’s deviant schools.
33 Perfectly Timed Photos You may be the best photographer in the world, but sometimes all it takes to take the best shot is being in the right place at the right moment. It doesn’t even matter if you take it with your cell or high-end DSLR. Often, you won’t even notice you made an incredible picture until you come home and transfer your photos to a computer. Show Full Text However, that doesn’t mean you should stop improving your photography skills and just wait for that one and only moment. As a popular saying goes: “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” So be prepared for it and be lucky! Update: Perfectly Timed Photos (PART III) is out! Thanks for sharing! 3x per week 30,000,000+ monthly readers Error sending email Photo Credits: bukagambar.com Photo Credits: taringa.net Photo Credits: engine.co.ua Photo Credits: underwatercompetition.com Photo by Simon Dawson Photo Credits: iq-1.livejournal.com Photo Credits: nature-wallpapers Photo Credits: dailymail.co.uk Photo Credits: kolyan.net
Cours d'Anglais Gratuits - Accueil Planned Parenthood Opens $8 Billion Abortionplex TOPEKA, KS—Planned Parenthood announced Tuesday the grand opening of its long-planned $8 billion Abortionplex, a sprawling abortion facility that will allow the organization to terminate unborn lives with an efficiency never before thought possible. During a press conference, Planned Parenthood president Cecile Richards told reporters that the new state-of-the-art fetus-killing facility located in the nation's heartland offers quick, easy, in-and-out abortions to all women, and represents a bold reinvention of the group's long-standing mission and values. "Although we've traditionally dedicated 97 percent of our resources to other important services such as contraception distribution, cancer screening, and STD testing, this new complex allows us to devote our full attention to what has always been our true passion: abortion," said Richards, standing under a banner emblazoned with Planned Parenthood's new slogan, "No Life Is Sacred."
36 More Perfectly Timed Photos Last time we asked you to send in the best “perfectly timed photos” you’ve taken during your photography career or seen on the Internet. Thank you to all the pandas who have emailed and posted all these funny pictures in our comment section! As we talked before, you may be the best photographer in the world, but sometimes all it takes to take the best shot is being in the right place at the right moment. It doesn’t even matter if you take it with your cell or high-end DSLR. However, that doesn’t mean you should stop improving your photography skills and just wait for that one and only moment. “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” So be prepared for it and be lucky! Image Credits: andyfoulds.co.uk Image Credits: strangecosmos Image Credits: REUTERS/Luke MacGregor Image Credits: Marko Popadic Image Credits: meflipalamoda.blogspot.com Image Credits: adme.ru Image Credits: itaintholywater Image Credits: Adde Adesokan Image Credits: zokstersomething Image Credits: weknowmemes
Spring is a Great Time for Sex One of the longest winters on record has drawn to a close. As the snow melts away and warm breezes begin blowing through the new season, the American people will begin the slow process of healing themselves from the psychological and spiritual ravages of the coldest and hardest months. In or-der for this heal-ing process to be carried out as quickly as pos-sible, The Onion appeals to the citizenry to do their duty by taking a good, long, deep breath; rolling up their sleeves; and getting to work on their fucking. For nearly half a year we have been cooped up inside, usually with the same few people, rebreathing the same stale air and wearing too many bulky clothes. Everyone knows that, for pure fun, you can’t beat the simple good times to be had while fucking. In our national struggle to end the winter doldrums, we must not ignore the fact that the power of fucking and the healing power of spring are actually one and the same.
End of the tunnel