background preloader

Pathways to Bliss: Joseph Campbell on Why Perfectionism Kills Love and How to Save Your Relationship

Pathways to Bliss: Joseph Campbell on Why Perfectionism Kills Love and How to Save Your Relationship
“Where the myth fails, human love begins,” Anaïs Nin wrote in her diary in 1941. “Then we love a human being, not our dream, but a human being with flaws.” Indeed, just like perfectionism kills creativity, it also kills love — the more we mythologize and idealize the person we love, the more disillusioned and disheartened we grow as we come to know their imperfect humanity which, if untainted by these blinding ideals, is the very wellspring of true love. That is what playwright Tom Stoppard captured in what is perhaps the greatest definition of love, in his notion of “the mask slipped from the face,” the stripping of the idealized projection, the surrender to the beautiful imperfection of a human being. His focus on marriage is especially timely and poignant today, when the institution of marriage is being reimagined to be more inclusive and more just, which also means it’s being challenged to rise to higher standards of integrity. Campbell writes: Two people meet and fall in love. Related:  Perfectionism

Beat your impulse to procrastinate by calming your inner reptile Season 4, Episode 11: Escape Perfectionism Once and for All [Podcast] Welcome to Season 4, Episode 11 of the This Is Your Life podcast. Stu McLaren is filling in for my regular cohost Michele Cushatt. In this episode, we discuss how to escape perfectionism once and for all. Perfectionism is the enemy of productivity and success. Listen to the Audio Subscribe to Podcast in iTunes Watch the Video In this episode, you’ll discover: The vital importance of distinguishing between perfection and excellence. Read the Transcript You can download a complete, word-for-word transcript of this episode here, courtesy of Ginger Schell, a professional transcriptionist, who does all my transcriptions. Join the Conversation My favorite part of doing these podcasts is participating in the conversation they provoke. Binge on All 13 Episodes! If you want to listen to more episodes, you will find all thirteen audio episodes of Season 4 here. Ask Me a Question If you have a question, comment, thought or concern, you can do so by clicking here. Subscribe to the Podcast Share the Love

Why are our kids so miserable? Melbourne, Australia He admits it: José Lopez always dreamed of going to America and using his training in information technology to make his fortune. But even if he hadn’t been put off by the rhetoric from across the border about building walls and banning people based on their religion, there were 52 times more applicants for visas to emigrate to the United States from his native Mexico last year than were made available under a complex quota system. Which is why Lopez has come to find himself in a classroom in Melbourne boning up on his English and preparing for a new life in Australia, a country that invites skilled, well-educated immigrants like him with comparatively open arms. “I wanted to go to Silicon Valley, but I don’t feel like I’m welcome in the United States,” Lopez said. Much, much more of a happy face. “Australia can capitalize” on British and American complacency, Australia’s Migration Council, which floated the idea, observed. It already has. “He’s frustrated,” she said.

Five Ways to Find Perfection in Your Imperfections “This is our perfection: to find out our imperfections”– St. Augustine (as paraphrased by Sr. Joan Chittister) I was born a perfectionist. One of my earliest memories of my perfectionism was the habit of making my bed every morning as a kid. To be a kid who makes his bed is extraordinary in itself. Ensuring my bed was perfectly made was a sign of something deeper. I craved predictability because I was also a severe stutterer. No matter how hard I tried to hide my imperfect speech, it wouldn’t cooperate. I was ashamed. As I reached adolescence and early adulthood, it slowly dawned on me that the work of my life was not to stamp out all my imperfections but to let the imperfection itself become perfect. One day, I simply decided to accept my speech, just as it was. I want the same for you too. 1. Yes, this sounds like an oxymoron, but I have found it to be true in my life. Only after I exhausted myself trying to be perfect did I see the truth about the impossibility of the task. 2. 3. 4. 5.

You probably know to ask yourself, “What do I want?” Here’s a way better question Everybody wants what feels good. Everyone wants to live a carefree, happy and easy life, to fall in love and have amazing sex and relationships, to look perfect and make money, and be popular and well-respected and admired and a total baller to the point that people part like the Red Sea when you walk into the room. Everyone would like that—it’s easy to like that. If I ask you, “What do you want out of life?” A more interesting question—a question that perhaps you’ve never considered before—is what pain do you want in your life? Everybody wants to have an amazing job and financial independence—but not everyone wants to suffer through 60-hour work weeks, long commutes, and obnoxious paperwork, to navigate arbitrary corporate hierarchies and the blasé confines of an infinite cubicle hell. Happiness requires struggle. At the core of all human behavior, our needs are more or less similar. People want an amazing physique. People want a partner, a spouse. Everybody wants something.

The 2 Types of Perfectionism: One Helps While The Other Sabotages You share share share share A certain type of perfectionism can lead to depression, anxiety and eating disorders. A dark type of perfectionism focusing primarily on anxieties about being perfect can hurt many areas of people’s lives, a new review reports. Perfectionism of this type involves constantly worrying about reaching impossibly high standards and making mistakes. It also involves worrying about letting others down. The psychologists found that the personality trait was most strongly linked to burnout at work. This may be because high performance in the workplace can often go unrewarded. In contrast, a related personality trait which focuses on striving for perfection is linked to more positive outcomes. People who set themselves high goals and work towards them pro-actively do better than those who focus more on their anxieties. The conclusions come from a review of 43 different studies conducted over 20 years. Dr Andrew Hill, the study’s lead author, said: Dr Hill said:

How to Raise Nature-Loving Kids in a Media-Loving World – 365Outside “It smells good out!” Junior declared, standing in the open doorway after dinner. It had been an unseasonably mild week, the first hints of spring revealing themselves in a warm southerly breeze and jackets left hanging inside. A day of rain had washed everything and now tonight, the sky was clearing again and bulbs were just beginning to push through the rich soil. The air felt extra oxygenated, smelling of dirt and grass and fresh clean nothingness. “What’s that mama?” “Those are frogs, sweetie. A late afternoon ice hike with daddy. I once wrote about six ways that I convince my kids to go outside on a daily basis. So how did I get so lucky? 1. A full-moon walk in the midst of a snowstorm. We have a few family traditions that involve time spent outdoors, but my favorite is our full moon walks. 2. The sheer awe and excitement of playing in fresh snow on a frozen lake! It is easy to forget how magical our world is. 3. 4. 5. Use peer pressure to your advantage. 6.

Anne Lamott on Writing and Why Perfectionism Kills Creativity Anne Lamott’s Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life (public library) is among my ten favorite books on writing — a treasure trove of insight both practical and profound, timelessly revisitable and yielding deeper resonance each time. Lamott adds to the collected wisdom of great writers with equal parts candor and conviction, teaching us as much about writing as she does about creativity at large and, even beyond that, about being human and living a full life — because, after all, as Lamott notes in the beginning, writing is nothing more nor less than a sensemaking mechanism for life: One of the gifts of being a writer is that it gives you an excuse to do things, to go places and explore. Another is that writing motivates you to look closely at life, at life as it lurches by and tramps around. I started writing when I was seven or eight. I still encourage anyone who feels at all compelled to write to do so. But, one might wonder, why? In a sentiment reminiscent of E.

Almost everyone who is unhappy with life is unhappy for the same reasons Pernicious Perfectionism: 3 Pervasive Patterns If you are a perfectionist, you know all too well how this way of being can trap you. You set high expectations for yourself, which can lead to success, and boost your self-esteem. But with those lofty goals can come a reciprocal mountain of self-criticism and judgment, which gets in the way of the success you seek! Are you stuck in Pernicious Perfectionism? Three Typical Patterns of Perfectionism Rigid perfectionistic beliefs have been linked to everything from anxiety disorders to suicidal ideation, not to mention the paradoxical decrease in performance. Here are three typical patterns of perfectionism and the common thought, feeling, and action tendencies underlying them. Amy: The Overachiever The Pattern: Perfectionism had worked for Amy growing up in a highly critical family. Most of the time, she was successful in her pursuits and she received praise from others. Jay: The ‘Failure’ The Pattern: Jay grew up in a family of over-achievers. Donna: The Procrastinator

20 Manageable Things 20-Somethings Can Do In 2016 To Be Successful You have no idea how old you are. Yes, you know the number of years you’ve been alive, but your true age is equal to the amount of years you have left. If you’re 26 and you’re going to die next week, you’re older than an 80 year old person who has a couple of years left to live. People sit on two sides of the fence when it comes to us twenty somethings. Some say it’s a time for exploration. Others say it’s a time to get serious about your career path going forward. I say it’s time to get serious about your path going forward regardless of how old you are. Learn Read as many books as you can. Take Risks Your twenties is the best time to take risks because you don’t have a ton of responsibility. Experiment You’re not going to have your life figured out in your twenties. Find a Mentor Find someone who is already successful and what you’re trying to do. Start A Business If you have the entrepreneurial bug, your twenties are a great time to start a business. Start Saving You know you need to save.

Related: