John Steinbeck on Falling in Love: A 1958 Letter Nobel laureate John Steinbeck (February 27, 1902–December 20, 1968) might be best-known as the author of East of Eden, The Grapes of Wrath, and Of Mice and Men, but he was also a prolific letter-writer. Steinbeck: A Life in Letters (public library) constructs an alternative biography of the iconic author through some 850 of his most thoughtful, witty, honest, opinionated, vulnerable, and revealing letters to family, friends, his editor, and a circle of equally well-known and influential public figures. Among his correspondence is this beautiful response to his eldest son Thom’s 1958 letter, in which the teenage boy confesses to have fallen desperately in love with a girl named Susan while at boarding school. Steinbeck’s words of wisdom — tender, optimistic, timeless, infinitely sagacious — should be etched onto the heart and mind of every living, breathing human being. New York November 10, 1958Dear Thom:We had your letter this morning. via Letters of Note
Soulmates, Twin Flames and Kindred Spirits — What’s the Difference? Photo by: Cameron Gray Love. It exists within all people, places and things. It is inextricably linked to God or Spirit. It is the most powerful force in the universe. In the grand scheme of things, Love encompasses all, so why is there a need to distinguish one type of love from another? Before you continue please know that all unconditional forms of love are no better or worse than each other. Soulmates, twin flames and kindred spirits are all phrases that have been used to describe relationships that touch our souls and change our lives forever. Kindred Spirits Kindred spirits are individuals that resonate at the same level, or frequency, as us. Physically, a kindred spirit could be anything: a close friend, a confidant, a family member, a teacher, a lover, a pet, or even a land form. Kindred spirits often play a very passive role in our lives. Soulmates Soulmates are people in our lives whom we connect with on a deep level. There are a few different types of soulmate. Twin Flames
The Greatest Definition of Love Literary history is as strewn with colorful attempts to define love — including some particularly memorable ones — as modern psychology is with attempts to dissect its inner workings. But perhaps the most powerful and profoundly human definition I’ve ever encountered comes from Czech-born British playwright Tom Stoppard’s 1982 play The Real Thing (public library) — a masterwork of insight on the heart’s trials and triumphs in human relationships. In the second act, when the protagonist’s cynical teenage daughter probes what falling in love is like, he offers a disarmingly raw, earnest, life-earned answer: It’s to do with knowing and being known. Complement this gem from the altogether brilliant The Real Thing with the stirring 1958 letter of advice on falling in love that John Steinbeck sent to his teenage son, Susan Sontag’s lifetime of reflections on love, and Sherwin Nuland on what everybody needs.
For When You Think That No One Will Love You You can never quite remember the actual moments when someone says that they love you for the first time. You wait for it so long, practice how you will respond, prevent yourself from saying it before them (you wouldn’t want to look desperate), and then it happens, and it’s like you go temporarily deaf. There is a ringing, like a TV show that has cut off to go to an emergency announcement. Besides, everyone who has ever said that to you before has left, so you might as well not even listen. “I love you” will mean nights staying up watching someone sleep next to you, wondering why they haven’t left you already, wondering when they will. So you have chosen aloneness. And if you need to get laid, you can. Sometimes, you think that no one has ever loved you. Sometimes, you wonder if everyone is faking it, even the people who seem to have it all down to a science. You think that no one ever will, because how could they?
Albert Camus on Happiness and Love, Illustrated by Wendy MacNaughton In this new installment of the Brain Pickings artist series, I’ve once again teamed up with the wonderfully talented Wendy MacNaughton, on the heels of our previous collaborations on famous writers’ sleep habits, Susan Sontag’s diary highlights on love and on art, Nellie Bly’s packing list, Gay Talese’s taxonomy of New York cats, and Sylvia Plath’s influences. I asked MacNaughton to illustrate another of my literary heroes’ thoughts on happiness and love, based on my highlights from Notebooks 1951–1959 (public library) — the published diaries of French author, philosopher, and Nobel laureate Albert Camus, which also gave us Camus on happiness, unhappiness, and our self-imposed prisons. The artwork is available as a print on Society6 and, as usual, we’re donating 50% of proceeds to A Room of Her Own, a foundation supporting women writers and artists. Enjoy! If those whom we begin to love could know us as we were before meeting them … they could perceive what they have made of us.
Formula for Love: How Long Should You Wait to Text Back? A few years ago there was a woman in my life—let’s call her Tanya—and we had hooked up one night in Los Angeles. We’d both attended a birthday party, and when things were winding down, she offered to drop me off at home. We had been chatting and flirting a little the whole night, so I asked her to come in for a drink. At the time, I was subletting a pretty nice house up in the Hollywood Hills. I wanted to see Tanya again and was faced with a simple conundrum that plagues us all: How and when do I communicate next? Eventually I decided to text her, because she seemed to be a heavy texter. Here was my text: “Hey—don’t know if you left for NYC, but Beach House playing tonight and tomorrow at Wiltern. Also in Sociology Famous For Being Indianapolis By Jonathon Keats When Kim Kardashian was 4 years old, a University of California economist named Moshe Adler wrote a six-page paper explaining the means by which she would eventually attain worldwide renown. Hmmm ... I’m so stupid!
How to Love: Legendary Zen Buddhist Teacher Thich Nhat Hanh on Mastering the Art of “Interbeing” by Maria Popova “To love without knowing how to love wounds the person we love.” What does love mean, exactly? We have applied to it our finest definitions; we have examined its psychology and outlined it in philosophical frameworks; we have even devised a mathematical formula for attaining it. And yet anyone who has ever taken this wholehearted leap of faith knows that love remains a mystery — perhaps the mystery of the human experience. Learning to meet this mystery with the full realness of our being — to show up for it with absolute clarity of intention — is the dance of life. That’s what legendary Vietnamese Zen Buddhist monk, teacher, and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh (b. Indeed, in accordance with the general praxis of Buddhist teachings, Nhat Hanh delivers distilled infusions of clarity, using elementary language and metaphor to address the most elemental concerns of the soul. If you pour a handful of salt into a cup of water, the water becomes undrinkable. Donating = Loving
The Pain Of Being In Love With Someone You Can Never Be With Love is a tricky thing. It varies in intensity and in the specificity of emotions. It is sometimes the most beautiful thing in the world and, at other times, it’s the most horrid thing we’ve ever come face-to-face with. It’s odd how one thing could be the cause of so many contrary feelings. But that’s what makes love so beautiful – it’s the closest thing to perfection that exists in the world, the only thing that can easily and comfortably encompass both good and evil, beautiful and ugly. It’s the closest thing to a flawless whole that man has ever claimed to have been part of. When we think of love, we think of the happy kind of love, the kind that is the beginning of something beautiful – something that breathes life. There is, however, another kind of love, a much darker and sadder kind of love. Contrary to popular belief or popular wishful thinking, love doesn’t always end happily. Sometimes, on rare occasions, it results in the wedging apart of the two who love each other the most.
The Four Qualities of Love The teachings on love given by the Buddha are clear, scientific, and applicable… Love, compassion, joy, and equanimity are the very nature of an enlightened person. They are the four aspects of true love within ourselves and within everyone and everything. – Thich Nhat Hahn Happiness is only possible with true love. True love has the power to heal and transform the situation around us and bring a deep meaning to our lives. There are people who understand the nature of true love and how to generate and nurture it. During the lifetime of the Buddha, those of the Brahmanic faith prayed that after death they would go to Heaven to dwell eternally with Brahma, the universal God. A vihara is an abode or a dwelling place. Continuing the Buddha’s spirit through the four qualities of love The Buddha respected people’s desire to practice their own faith, so he answered the Brahman’s question in a way that encouraged him to do so. Love Maitri/Metta Without understanding, your love is not true love.