The science and mystery of love, according to relationship psychology Tennesha Wood is a professional matchmaker but admits she can’t perfectly predict when a couple will hit it off. “People give me really specific descriptions,” Wood says. “They might say, ‘I want a 6-foot-tall Black man with nice teeth and a bald head.’” Wood is the owner of The Broomlist, a matchmaker agency for Black professionals, and her clients will often tell her exactly whom they’re looking for. She’ll set up a date with someone who fits the description. Matchmaking involves a lot of skills you might find in a therapist — sharp questions, active listening, steady coaching — but it is not a perfect science. This is one of the great mysteries of life, and there’s a scientific sub-discipline devoted to it: relationship psychology. It turns out they grapple with the same question as matchmakers, romance authors, poets, and many others. The question seems simple, but it’s not trivial. Scientists don’t have all the answers, and they often disagree on which answers are even possible.
10 Tips for Cultivating Creativity, From the Director of the Lifelong Kindergarten Group at MIT The challenge is not how to “teach creativity” to children, but rather how to create a fertile environment in which their creativity will take root, grow, and flourish. There’s a common misconception that the best way to encourage children’s creativity is simply to get out of the way and let them be creative. Although it’s certainly true that children are naturally curious and inquisitive, they need support to develop their creative capacities and reach their full creative potential. Supporting children’s development is always a balancing act: how much structure, how much freedom; when to step in, when to step back; when to show, when to tell, when to ask, when to listen. In putting together this list, I decided to combine tips for parents and teachers, because I think the core issues for cultivating creativity are the same, whether you’re in the home or in the classroom. For each of the five components, I’ve suggested two tips. 1) Show examples to spark ideas 2) Encourage messing around
100 ways to slightly improve your life without really trying 1 Exercise on a Monday night (nothing fun happens on a Monday night). 2 On the fence about a purchase? Wait 72 hours before you buy it. 3 Tip: the quickest supermarket queue is always behind the fullest trolley (greeting, paying and packing take longer than you think). 4 Bring fruit to work. 5 Consider going down to four days a week. 6 Everyone has an emotional blind spot when they fight. 7 Plant spring bulbs, even if they’re just in a pot. 8 Send a voice note instead of a text; they sound like personal mini podcasts. 9 Keep a bird feeder by a window, ideally the kitchen. 10 Always bring ice to house parties (there’s never enough). 11 Get the lighting right: turn off the overhead one, turn on lots of lamps (but turn off when you leave the room). 12 Sharpen your knives. 13 Feeling sluggish at work? 14 Buy a cheap blender and use it to finely chop onions (it saves on time and tears). 15 Keep your children’s drawings and paintings. 17 Don’t be weird about how to stack the dishwasher. 67 Sing!
Simone de Beauvoir recommends we fight for ourselves as we age | Psyche Ideas Elderhood is what the French existential philosopher Simone de Beauvoir called the ‘crusher’ of humankind. Experiences of growing older vary radically, but lies and silencing can turn elderhood into a shameful and frightening calamity, even as medical and biotechnologies are increasing health and life spans. In her 60s, Beauvoir wrote a 650-page book La vieillesse (1970) – translated as Old Age or The Coming of Age – to reveal the truth about ageing. She argues that ageing isn’t only a biological decline: society crushes ageing bodies through ageist discrimination. For Beauvoir, the existential question lurking underneath the crisis of old age is: ‘Can I have become a different being while I still remain myself?’ One of the reasons people face this crisis as they age is the tendency to treat old age as a ‘normal abnormality’. Some adapt to their ageing so well that they barely notice it. But, for most, elderhood grinds away at the possibility of achieving goals and completing projects.
How A.D.H.D. Can Affect Your Relationships Those who struggle with impulsivity might take unnecessary risks, or they might opt for immediate rewards, such as the pleasure of playing a video game, instead of focusing on mundane tasks that need to get done. People with A.D.H.D. are also often forgetful about what they’re supposed to be doing and tend to have big, emotional reactions that are stronger than what a situation might warrant — which can lead to explosive conflict. Contrary to the assumption that people with A.D.H.D. are always unfocused, many can focus intently on the things that interest them. But if they are especially attentive to a loved one during a relationship’s honeymoon phase and that intense interest eventually fades, a pattern can emerge where the non-A.D.H.D. partner feels unloved. While this can be incredibly frustrating to the partner who does not have A.D.H.D., understanding these symptoms is a step toward embracing feelings of compassion and empathy over continual resentment. Dr.
Freud versus Jung: a bitter feud over the meaning of sex On 27 February 1907, at Berggasse 19 in Vienna, Sigmund Freud fell in love. The object of his affection was Carl Gustav Jung: 19 years younger than Freud, the young psychiatrist was already the clinical director of the prestigious Burghölzli Hospital and a professor at the University of Zurich. Jung had gained international recognition for his invention of the word-association test, and his practice was renowned for its gentle incisiveness. But when Jung read Freud’s The Interpretation of Dreams (1900), he was startled by Freud’s theory, and decided to go to talk with the man himself. And talk they did: for 13 hours, they plumbed the depths of the unconscious, the methods of psychoanalysis, and the analysis of dreams. Freud was hugely impressed by Jung’s intellect, but his desire to sweep Jung into the psychoanalytic world was also politically motivated. In Freud’s mind, the greatest obstacle faced by ‘the Cause’ was anti-Semitism. Jung’s first gift to Freud predated their meeting.
The Sweet Spot: Paul Bloom explains why a good life is painful Can we live a good life without suffering? Notice that I used the word “good” and not “happy.” It doesn’t make any sense to ask whether we can suffer and be happy at the same time, but can we live a full and meaningful life without certain kinds of suffering? I just watched an episode of The Twilight Zone that explores this in a way only that show could. A new book by the psychologist Paul Bloom, called The Sweet Spot, says this story captures the strangeness of human psychology about as well as anything can. The book isn’t pro-suffering, and Bloom is very careful to distinguish “chosen” suffering from “unchosen” suffering, but it is an attempt to explain why we sometimes seek out hardship and struggle, and why the conventional image of humans as purely pleasure-seeking and pain-avoiding isn’t so much wrong as incomplete. I reached out to Bloom for the latest episode of Vox Conversations. Below is an excerpt from our conversation, edited for length and clarity. Sean Illing Paul Bloom Give
Intentionality 1. Why is intentionality so-called? Contemporary discussions of the nature of intentionality are an integral part of discussions of the nature of minds: what are minds and what is it to have a mind? Why is intentionality so-called? Although the meaning of the word ‘intentionality’ in contemporary philosophy is related to the meanings of such words as ‘intension’ (or ‘intensionality’ with an s) and ‘intention,’ nonetheless it ought not to be confused with either of them. Furthermore, it is worthwhile to distinguish between levels of intentionality. The concept of intentionality has played a central role both in the tradition of analytic philosophy and in the phenomenological tradition. 2. Contemporary discussions of the nature of intentionality were launched and many of them were anticipated by Franz Brentano (1874, 88–89) in his book, Psychology From an Empirical Standpoint, from which I quote two famous paragraphs: 3. Ava believes that Lionel Jospin is a Socialist. 4. 5. 6. 7. 11a. 12a.
20 Signs You're Living Your Purpose When you don't follow your calling and you are not maximizing your potential, you feel that you are missing out on something BIG. Being stuck in this place affects your happiness, your health, your relationships and it can be very painful. However, when you are true to yourself and living your purpose, life takes on a whole new meaning, you feel fulfilled, happy and free. Here are 20 signs that you are living your purpose: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. The world needs you to show up being free, happy and fulfilled! When you don't follow your calling and you are not maximizing your potential, you feel that you are missing out on something BIG. Here are 20 signs that you are living your purpose: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. The world needs you to show up being free, happy and fulfilled!