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6 Shockingly Evil Things Babies Are Capable Of

6 Shockingly Evil Things Babies Are Capable Of
As anyone who's ever encountered babies in the wild can tell you, they're shiftless little balls of deception and greed. Those of us who stand up to walk, and sit down to poop may not be Mother Theresa, but it turns out we had a long way to go from our babbling drooling selves. Yes, unless you're a borderline sociopath today, you were probably at your worst before you ever uttered a word. It's science! It seems crazy that a barely functioning human infant could be cunning enough to lie to get out of trouble, but it's true. Oh shut up, you piece of shit. Perhaps even more surprising is that, when they know they've done something wrong, the little bastards will distract their parents to avoid getting caught. Why Did I Do That?! Lying is considered an important part of a child's development. According to science, lying isn't something that happens when a normal baby get's corrupted by TV--it is normal human behavior. Pictured: You, if your parents were flightless birds. Survival.

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6 Adorable Cat Behaviors With Shockingly Evil Explanations There seem to be two kinds of people in the world: those who don't understand cats, and those who think cats are kind of douchebags. Unfortunately for cat lovers, science has kind of come down on the side of that second group. Research has revealed that a lot of the quirky and even cute things your kitty does are actually signs that your cat is kind of a dick. Meowing to Imitate a Baby Human Cats have many different ways of communicating, but the meow is every cat's go-to vocalization when it wants to tell us something; be it, "I'm hungry," "pay attention to me" or "I just took a dump, go clean it up." However, far from the one-dimensional barking sound that dogs use to communicate, cats are like living stereo equalizers that are able to fine tune the pitches and tones of their meows... so they can better manipulate you into doing what they want. In fact, further studies have proven that a cat's cry for food or attention shares a remarkable similarity in frequency to a baby's cry.

5 Popular Forms of Charity (That Aren't Helping) Giving to charity is one of the most selfless things you can do. You're giving away your hard-earned money and expecting nothing in return, save the personal satisfaction of making the world just a little bit better (and the unquantifiable moral superiority you get to feel for a while). It's easy, too -- literally all you need is whatever cash you can spare and a tiny bit of awareness as to who you're going to give it to. So by all means, do it. #5. What You Think You Do By wearing a Livestrong bracelet or a pink ribbon, or perhaps growing a mustache for Movember, you're doing important work by drawing the public's attention to an issue that needs support. Why You Shouldn't Do It Sure, awareness campaigns are great ... if they're for an obscure yet noteworthy issue that needs publicity. Take breast cancer: Despite the many, many, many awareness campaigns thrown at us by everyone from our co-workers to goddamn KFC, breast cancer death rates have stayed steady over the last decade. #4. Getty

Michael Jackson Balding, Incredibly Thin and Had Tattooed Facial Just after Michael Jackson’s sudden death in June last year, rumors started circulating that the late singer was severely emaciated and bald. Although such allegations were frequently shot down, the coroner's report released on Monday confirms them, and adds new, graphic information. Sixty-one photographs of the former pop prince were taken prior to and throughout the procedure. According to the report, Jackson’s hair was “sparse and connected to a wig.” “There is frontal balding and the hair can be described as short and tightly curled,” the report claimed. Jackson hair line was tattooed on, as were other facial features. SLIDESHOW: Scenes of Life and Death of Michael Jackson. “There is a dark skin discoloration resembling a tattoo on the anterior half of the scalp. The autopsy report also described Jackson, 50, as “thin”, weighing just 136 pounds while being 69 inches (5'9") in length. “Jackson was extremely underweight for his frame. “I love him so much,” Ortega recently told us.

The 5 Most Horrible Things Nobody Tells You About Babies Hollywood comedies about parenthood depend entirely on making raising a kid look a ridiculous, hectic mess. Then, eventually the leading man finds out that in the end, the rewards make it all worth it. That's mostly because for whatever reason, baby murder is still taboo in modern Hollywood comedies. When you have a real kid, you realize there's plenty of stuff those movies don't show you. If they did, their zany comedy about a single father finding a baby on his doorstep would quickly become a nightmare inducing horror that would shut down the genitals of any aspiring parent. Maybe that's why you don't see... #5. In the movies, the setup is always the same. Photos.com What most parents aren't prepared for is the day the baby decides to evacuate 20 tons of waste from his system every 10 minutes for 24 hours straight. This turns it into an open wound. The next time the baby starts to cry, you'll get out your poop disposal equipment, remove the diaper and recoil in horror. #4. #3.

5 Things You Won't Believe Are Making You Dumber Tell people that their diets or habits are making them fat or out of shape and they shrug -- we hear that crap every day. Tell them that their habits make them stupider and you're about to have a fight. We all know that our brain is a part of our body, but nobody likes to think of their intelligence as something that can get weak and flabby due to things that are out of our control. Science says otherwise. Studies have shown ... #5. Getty Have you ever been in a situation where you had to work with other people (like a meeting at work or forming groups in school) and suddenly felt like everyone involved was suddenly dumber than normal? GettyThe subtle science of hate. It turns out that just being in meetings and group situations can drain your brain. So, the more competitive the group is, the dumber some of its members will become. Getty"Can't we just handle this separately and talk about it later? This gets even more complicated if your work group includes both men and women. #4. #3.

What English Sounds like to People in other Countries As a neat little exercise, I have compiled a list of videos to show what English sounds like to people around the world. As English speakers, we have a lot of fun imitating what certain languages sound like to us, such as French, Italian, and Chinese. One Great example from Family guy. Let’s turn the tables and see what other people think we sound like. 1. Italian singer, songwriter, comedian, actor, and tv host Adriano Celentano wrote this amazing in 1972. 2. This is what English sounds like to a little Japanese boy. 3. This strange French fellow does a surprisingly good imitation of English, along with a few other languages. 4. Valentina Hasan attempting Mariah Carey’s “Without You” on the Bulgarian version of American Idol. 5. An Argentine band, Masticar, wrote this song in the mid-90s to show how they felt English sounds. 6. Here is a short clip of a German guy talking in fake English. 7. He also tries to do other languages as well, amusing. 8. 9. This is very, very strange… 10.

7 Creepy Video Game Easter Eggs You'll Wish Were Never Found Video game Easter eggs can be a fun way to motivate players to continue exploring a game they've completed ... or they can be terrifying experiences that make sure the players never go near that game again. We've told you about those Easter eggs that took years to be found; here are some more that we wish had remained undiscovered. #7. Portal 2 -- Hidden Messages and Rape-y Sounds Portal 2 brought us everything we loved about the first game (portals) and left out everything we hated (cake-related meme horseshit). Who knew a game about ripping holes in reality could get creepy? For instance, in one of the earlier test chambers of the game, you can find an abandoned room hidden off to the side of the level, much like the abandoned rooms found in the original game. Above: Either a screen grab from Portal, or literally any alley in Philadelphia. If video games could smell, we're pretty sure Portal would stink of this guy's poo. Rat Man's DenUm, spoilers? #6. Unless you count the Monkey People.

7 Mind-Blowing Ways Jobs Are Being Outsourced to Animals In this economy, millions of workers know what it's like to have their job outsourced to another country, or to get replaced by a robot. It's hard to hear that all of your advanced skill and dedication can be replaced at a fraction of the cost. What would be worse than that? Hearing that your job is now being done by an animal. Because we're telling you, animals are figuring this stuff out. Also, they don't complain and they don't get paid. #7. Getty First of all, yes, this is a tiny horse wearing sneakers. guidehorseHe's as stunned as we are. It's not a cute photo staged for one of those adorable animal calendars you get for your mom at Christmas -- that shoe-wearing horse is on the job. Like humans, horses differ in size. npr"Haha! They actually have several advantages over their canine competition, in addition to being wonderful conversation starters. guidehorseTheir spring/summer collection is almost too much. However, there are downsides to guide horses. guidehorseNo, but seriously.

Cell Phones are Dangerous, But This May Be Far Worse... An increasingly alarmed army of international scientists have reached a controversial conclusion: The "electrosmog" that first began developing with the rollout of the electrical grid a century ago and now envelops every inhabitant of Earth is responsible for many of the diseases that impair or kill them. During the past 100 years, we have methodically filled in the electromagnetic spectrum far beyond what occurs in nature. Recently, several developments have highlighted the growing hazards of EMF pollution and the crucial need to address them. In 2007, the Bioinitiative Working Group released a 650-page report citing more than 2,000 studies (many very recent) that detail the toxic effects of EMFs from all sources. Chronic exposure to even low-level radiation (like that from cell phones), can cause a variety of cancers, impair immunity, and contribute to Alzheimer's disease and dementia, heart disease, and many other ailments.

6 Beneficial Things They Made You Stop Doing in School It's easy to think of a classroom as a battle of wills between kids who want to dick around all day and teachers who actually want to make them learn. But it's not that simple. A lot of the things that will get you yelled at in a classroom are, in fact, beneficial to learning. They're just really annoying to other people (and the teacher). Consider this the next time you hear ... #6. Getty Teachers must look at the cell phone as the modern plague on their profession. Getty"You can have it back at the end of the semester, if it doesn't sell on eBay." But teachers have a reason to hate texting above even other high-tech time-wasters like portable games. Everybody should stop and take a deep breath, because texting actually improves both your language skills and your ability to pay attention in class. Getty"Holly balls, I understand calculus!" Wait, What? Yes, you read that right. Mark van LaereIt's not Hemingway, but it is a form of literacy. Sounds counter-intuitive? #5. Right. #4.

5 Ways to Trick Your Body Into Being More Awesome You might know that the main way our body regulates its biological clock (and circadian rhythm) is through light. So when your brain is detecting light, it has your body behave as it should in the daytime (higher energy, greater strength, more bowel movements, etc.), and when the brain notices that the environment is dark after an extended period of brightness, then it imagines you're about to go to sleep, and it releases hormones (like melatonin) that make you sleepy. What you might not have known is that scientists recently found a second clock, and instead of depending on light, this one is food-based. The food-clock desires this. Imagine you're a predator out hunting for food (and Jesse Ventura), but all the regular animals you would eat are nowhere to be found. Photos.comThe slaying of pizza rolls has set countless new biological mornings. It makes sense -- your brain is now under the impression that if you want to survive, you can only go hunting at night.

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