background preloader

Why I Will Never Have a Girlfriend -

Why I Will Never Have a Girlfriend -
Tristan Miller German Research Center for Artificial Intelligence[1] 20 December 1999 Why don't I have a girlfriend? This is a question that practically every male has asked himself at one point or another in his life. Not the author, though. Lest anyone suspect that my standards for women are too high, let me allay those fears by enumerating in advance my three criteria for the match. That said, I now present my demonstration of why the probability of finding a suitable candidate fulfilling the three above-noted requirements is so small as to be practically impossible—in other words, why I will never have a girlfriend. Number of people on Earth (in 1998): 5 592 830 000[4] We start with the largest demographic in which I am interested—namely, the population of this planet. …who are female: 2 941 118 000[5] I'd've thought that, given the title of this essay, this criterion goes without saying. …in "developed" countries: 605 601 000[5] …currently (in 2000) aged 18 to 25: 65 399 083[4][5]

The Philosophy of Kissing Dear Flummoxed, That's a very good question; nowadays most sex education courses focus on secondary and tertiary sources, so much so that few people really get exposed to the classics in this field any more. I'll try to make a brief but clear summary of some of these important types of kisses: Aristotelian kiss a kiss performed using techniques gained solely from theoretical speculation untainted by any experiential data by one who feels that the latter is irrelevant anyway. Hegelian kiss dialiptical technique in which the kiss incorporates its own antithikiss, forming a synthekiss. Wittgensteinian kiss Godelian kiss a kiss that takes an extraordinarilly long time, yet leaves you unable to decide whether you've been kissed or not. Step 7. Take the bottom piece of the can and start to ruffle the perimeter of the can with your thumb. (Figure 10.) · Isopropyl alcohol works well with the stove but it does not burn as clean as denatured. · You will notice the aluminum strip creates an inner wall to the stove. · You can set your cooking pot right on top of the stove and cook. · Although, no amount of blowing will extinguish the flame. · Please! Scoop on Poop by Brenna E. Lorenz All contents copyright © 1998 Brenna Lorenz, Megaera Lorenz, Malachi Pulte. All Rights Reserved.Reproduction of any part of site without express permission is strictly prohibited. Note: This is the original Scoop on Poop. Poop Photo Gallery! What is poop made of? About 3/4 of your average turd is made of water. Why does poop stink? Poop stinks as a result of the products of bacterial action. Why is poop brown? The color comes mainly from bilirubin, a pigment that arises from the breakdown of red blood cells in the liver and bone marrow. What other colors of poop are possible? Poop is mostly shades of brown or yellow, but other colors can arise under certain circumstances. What is the cause of yellow poop? According to Michael F., one cause of this is Gilbert's Syndrome. What is the cause of green poop? (Question submitted by ap, CrAzYMiC98 and several others) Why is bird poop white? (Question submitted by Sarah Beth) Unlike mammals, birds don't urinate. What causes diarrhea?

Drunken Fairies - How To Be Happy at Work Your job might not be the best, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy when you are at work. In fact no matter how bad your job is you can smile all day long after following these simple steps. The images are self explanatory so no need for additional words. See, it’s that easy! Popularity: 22% [?]

6 Insane Coincidences You Won't Believe Actually Happened America's Freak Luck During the Battle of Midway The Battle of Midway may be remembered as one of the most spectacular naval battles in history and one of the huge turning points in the Pacific theater, but it started out as a pure clusterfuck for the Americans. Despite going into battle with most of Japan's game plan in their pocket thanks to American codebreakers/Bothan spies, the U.S. Navy had little to show for it in the early hours of June 4, 1942. Where it Gets Weird: There was one squadron of American dive bombers lead by Lieutenant Commander C. His squadron started dropping like flies until, in an act of sheer luck that would make even J.K. Where it Gets Even Weirder: While finding the ships at all was luck, by some kind of ridiculous freak luck McClusky's squadron arrived at the precise moment when all three Japanese carriers were reloading and rearming their aircraft. It'd be like this happening four times, and all in one battle. ...when he wasn't busy being a pimp.

TM): Great quotes by comedians Great quotes by comedians ----- Begin NetScrap(TM) ----- Great quotes by comedians "If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me." --Bobcat Goldthwait "I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and run to my sister's house and ask her for money." --Kevin Meaney "My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. funny air traffic controllers quotes and amusing aviation conversations Due to the nature of these stories, flight terminology below may not always be technically correct, and may also be edited or explained in parts for the benefit of non-aviation folk. I am grateful for these ATC and aviation quotes and stories sent to me by various people. Thank you. From S Dee (14 Nov 2011): a lesson in making assumptions.. I overheard this amusing exchange while waiting for passengers to board my island-hopper, July 2010, Penzance field, UK.. Visiting light aircraft (in a posh English accent): "Penzance tower, Cessna Light G123 request approach instruction and landing?" (The above story is a lesson in making wrong assumptions - especially where an immovable obstacle is misinterpreted to be movable - in this case producing acute embarrassment as the stance was motivated by a wish to impress a girlfriend. From R Brown (19 Apr 2011): Also from R Brown: I worked at an international airport in the Middle East a few years ago. And also from R Brown: From Hal (19 Apr 2011):

Is Getting Naked Good For Your Brain? This article argues the health benefits of nudity, noting that clothes deprive our brain neurons of vital stimulation, since they strangle our range of motion and cause most of our epidermis to atrophy. “Going shoeless is now recognized as an anti-Alzheimer’s, brain-boosting activity because the sole sensation entices your brain into growing extra, efficient neuron connections, while also increasing brain flexibility.” “Plus, clothes are a breeding ground for filthy fungi and bad bacterium, causing yeast infections, urinary tract infections, and rotting toenails.” It also notes the historical precedents for nudity — including the 70,000 Germans who attended naked co-ed schools and naked church services in North Africa, Bohemia, the Netherlands, and England. Even famous people were nudists, including Alexander Graham Bell, Leonard Nimoy, and science fiction author Robert Heinlein. But in addition to all this, clothes are just a huge money/time-suck. 2Share 2666Share