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Why I don't cook at home

Why I don't cook at home

Going Through a Rough Patch It's the quintessential symbol of Halloween: the Jack-O-Lantern. Fortunately, it's also one of the easiest designs for a baker to make. Just take one round cake, ice it in orange, add a cartoony face, and...voilá! Er. Voila! That's...not a cake. [rolling up sleeves] Voila! Is that...plastic? Cheater. Voila! A Pumpkin Poo-nicorn. [through gritted teeth] Voi-la. What the...what IS that? Allow me to retract that last statement. Knock, knock. Well? Hm. [blinking] Um... [more blinking] Dorota, Carra M., Melody N., Shanna T., Andrew M., Ted, Donny & Amanda, Kaitlin K., & T.A., don't ask me; I'm going with "abstract jack-o-lantern."

Bizarre Traffic Accidents Bizarre Traffic Accidents Weird | October 22, 2010 / views: Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/weirdex/public_html/includes/functions_core.php on line 260 19,613 For some of these photos, I wonder how it is possible that something like this happened. Seems unreal to me... What do You think? Student Hides Rick Astley's Song In College Paper Panties for Geeks’ Girlfriends Panties for Geeks' Girlfriends Fun | October 18, 2010 / views: Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/weirdex/public_html/includes/functions_core.php on line 260 19,430 Girls, these panties are the best choice if Your boyfriend spends much time in front of computer.

Happy Boss'es...Boss'...Bosses...Bossy Day! Quick! How do you spell the singular possessive of "boss?" Nooo... Well, there IS an apostrophe...but no. You're getting closer. Not that letter. Wait. A-HA!! [rubbing temples with eyes closed] Um. Now, "possessive" means that... I'm really starting to question your taste level. And you still spelled "you're" wrong. Look, I don't think avoiding the issue is the answer. [sigh] Alright, look, you want to see the perfect cake to get your boss? Then here: Mission accomplished. Jeneec K., Eric, Annette, Michelle O., Jennifer N., Angela P., Mandy W., Kate C., & Anony M., I say from now on we call it "Bossy Day." Note from John: Yes.

Ten possible pranks to play on a friend (No survey, no effort!) Facebook Fan Page: Ten possible pranks to play on a friend (No survey, no effort!) Swap the number of their partner and their mum in the phonebook of their mobile, embarrasing and potential devastating, but well worth it! Order a taxi from every single local taxi company to their house, all with their name… I advise using a new sim card! Depending on how serious you are, prostitutes can be used too!! Take their iPhone/iPod Touch and move every single application to another page, takes ages to get sorted! Lean a bin filled with water against their door so when they open it all chaos breaks out! Coat their soap in clear nail varnish so when they rub it doesn’t create any suds! Hide an alarm or two within their bedroom and set them to 3am, set their phone alarm for good measure. DOUBLE: Swap two of your friends TV remotes (have to be the same!) Find a nice moist dog poo, place it in a plastic bag, wrap the bag so it is almost bursting, and leave under the handle of their car!

No Offense Since our posts here on CW invariably manage to offend someone - carrot lovers, grammar Nazis, Canadians - we've decided that *today's* commentary won't be offensive to anyone. Literally. In fact, it's going to be SO inoffensive that I'm trying not to fall asleep as I type thikjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj Huh? I forgot to mention that I'll be randomly choosing cakes from our archives, so there's really no telling what cakes we'll end up with. Okay, here goes. "Hey-o! Huh, this inoffensive stuff is easy! Okay, next we have cake #245... Hm. Alright, so this is kind of hard difficult. Cake #8,062: [biting lip] Uh. [looks up e-mail] Well, according to Stetson here, this is actually a bakery display in Colombia. Yeah, I think I'm hitting my stride again. Next! Cake #4,207: [crickets chirping] OH COME ON!! Okay, last one. Cake #2,093: I give up. Denise, Lisa M., Stetson J., Brindy W., Karin D., & Megan C., if you're still reading this, thanks.

Down With EPP! Friends, countrypersons, cake lovers. Today I come to you on a matter of grave concern. (And no, I don't mean that one.) You all know of my longstanding stance on that most unholy of creations; the cupcake cake. That acronym? And it stands for... Edible Photo Printing. No, not Hannah Montana. A hat...wearing a guy? I don't even... Ok, you have GOT to be... Sound guy: Um. 'Cause I'll wait. Sound guy: No no, please. You're sure. Sound guy: Yeah, yeah, we're good! [meaningful glare] Sound guy: [innocent smile] Alright. Thanks to Grace W., Dana W., (not related) Silvia C., Lara K., Kelli, and of course my favorite Wreckporter, Jo...

A Floridian's Fall Trip [running in] YOU GUYS! Did you know it's FALL?!? Seriously! Fall! I think I just pooped a pumpkin! At least I'm not the only one. So, now that I know it's officially "Fall," I think I'll kick off my flip-flops, crank the air down to 78 (which may take a while, since it's [checking temperature] ooh, down to 92!) Let's see... Uh, perhaps we're "going" a bit too literally. Well, thank goodness for big plastic leaves, at least: I mean, just try to imagine this pair without them. And what says "Fall" better than a bunch of plastic leaves? A bunch of plastic leaves with the WORD "Fall," that's what. Well, one thing's for sure: when the Pod People come, this will make them think twice before going after the Wreckerators. You know, an optimist would say these scarecrows are half icing, half plastic: ...a pessimist would say they're just half-a$$ed. It's a swirl! GLITTER SWIRLY SPRINKLE FALL CAKE! So in closing... ...Happ Fall Ya'll

Ba-Loony It's the beginner's basic: one round(ish) glob o' icing, and one string. And yet... Yeeeeah. Er, sorry, but I'm afraid writing it doesn't make it true. Well, I AM seeing something that starts with a "B"... [looking around] Er... [waving] Hi, kids! Dude. You know what to do when you see packs of wild balloons running in opposite directions, right? Thaaat's right: Check the expiration on all your prescription meds. Look at this next Wreck long enough, and you'll begin to ask yourself some interesting questions: Questions like, "Which way is up? "Oh. Look out, Kerri. Which reminds me: I bet it's a girl. Early C., Tracy C., Heather P., Tiffany H., Vikki, Kim M., Kerri K., & Stacey, I'd say something about the sprinkles, but that just seems rude, you know?

Split Over Musical (Price) Differences Split Over Musical (Price) Differences Customer: “Do you have [popular album]?” Me: “Yep. It’s right over here.” Customer: “That’s expensive.” Me: “That’s pretty average” Customer: “I bet [competitor] is cheaper.” Me: “I doubt it. Customer: “I don’t know. Me: “I don’t think they will be, but they are right upstairs if you want to take a peek and come back. (The customer leaves and comes back 15 minutes later with our competitors bag.) Me: “Oh, were they cheaper?” Customer: “No, they were a lot more expensive.

In Honer of Our Hero's My fellow Americans, today is a day to say: Or perhaps: But only if you know Evan, of course. The head of the Statue of Liberty. No, wait. Aha! "FREE Dom!" Whoever "Dom" is. Today is also a day to celebrate that black slime alien guy from Star Trek: Only we must do it patriotically: Perfect. And so, in conclusion, and in "honer" of "Vetrans" Day... [smirk] ...allow me to say to all of our wonderful veterans: O.o Perhaps I should rephrase that. [head tilt] Naaah. Thanks to Sandy K., Holly J., Jeff D., Sue D., Monica E., Tori L., Dana S., and anyone else who can successfully spell "heroes," "veteran," and "honor" after reading this post.

Wet The Appetite Wet The Appetite (A young woman approaches the front register with a dead Siamese fighting fish in a cup.) Customer: “I want a refund on my fish. All the fish I buy here keep dying! This is my 3rd replacement. I don’t understand what could be wrong except that you sell sick fish!” Me: “I’m very sorry for that miss. Customer: “Well when I first get one it’s completely fine. Me: “Ok, well what were you feeding it? Customer:“Feeding it? Me: “Yes of course they do. Customer: “Wow, really?!

How Different Age Groups Celebrate Halloween All artwork and content on this site is Copyright © 2015 Matthew Inman. Please don't steal. TheOatmeal.com was lovingly built using CakePHP All artwork and content on this site is Copyright © 2015 Matthew Inman. Please don't steal. TheOatmeal.com was lovingly built using CakePHP

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