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Improv Everywhere. Stand-Up Comedy & Funny Jokes | Watch Stand-Up Comedy Videos. Peter Kay Quotes from KiTT NeT. Famous Quotations - GARLIC BREAD! 1) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, Thyroid problem? 2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. 3) My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father. 4) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. 5) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. 6) I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. 7) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. 8) My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade. 9) Sex is like a game of bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. 10) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law.

Click to GO TO NEXT PAGE. Mitch Hedberg Quotes LOL - Walnut Creek - Yelp. I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle. I went to the park and saw this kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don't know why, that's what they're supposed to do. Now if he had had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been impressed. If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptible... I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number. I wrote a script for a guy, and he said he liked it but he thought that I need to rewrite it. I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same. That would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food and the good food would cover for the bad food when it got to your stomach.

I saw a six pack of soda-pop for $1.20. My friend said to me "Man, this weather is trippy. " I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shishkabobs. Fully - Features.