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Improv Everywhere. Stand-Up Comedy & Funny Jokes | Watch Stand-Up Comedy Videos. Peter Kay Quotes from KiTT NeT. Famous Quotations - GARLIC BREAD! 1) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, Thyroid problem? 2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. 3) My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father. 4) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. 5) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. 6) I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. 7) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. 8) My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade. 9) Sex is like a game of bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. 10) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law.

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