Natural Non-Toxic Nail Polish : Piggy Paint. Parents keep child's gender secret. Campaign success: Hamleys toyshop scraps sexist signs. Lisa Bloom: How to Talk to Little Girls. I went to a dinner party at a friend's home last weekend, and met her five-year-old daughter for the first time.
Little Maya was all curly brown hair, doe-like dark eyes, and adorable in her shiny pink nightgown. I wanted to squeal, "Maya, you're so cute! Look at you! Turn around and model that pretty ruffled gown, you gorgeous thing! " But I didn't. What's wrong with that? Hold that thought for just a moment. This week ABC News reported that nearly half of all three- to six-year-old girls worry about being fat. Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. That's why I force myself to talk to little girls as follows. "Maya," I said, crouching down at her level, looking into her eyes, "very nice to meet you. " "Nice to meet you too," she said, in that trained, polite, talking-to-adults good girl voice.
"Hey, what are you reading? " "I LOVE books," I said. Most kids do. "YES," she said. "Wow, amazing! " "I'll go get it! Raising him purple: a defense of gender neutrality in early childhood. One of the stereotypes about feminists is that we’d have everyone raise their children completely gender-blind, ignoring and eliminating any sex-based variables that pop up, seeking to create a generation of complete androgynes, indistinguishable from each other, with equality achieved through absolute sameness.
Which is complete poppycock, of course. Except, well, it kind of isn’t. Because I do think there is value in raising our children in a gender-neutral manner. Not in the stereotypical way, perhaps, in that my end goal is as far from creating a generation of androgynes as one can get, but yes, in that I wish we would dress all our infants and toddlers the same regardless of sex, give them the same toys, talk to them the same — even perhaps give them the same names, because so much of gendering is unconscious, and we are unlikely to treat a “Suzette” the same as a “Steve”, no matter how enlightened we think we might be.
But individuals? OK, got that out of the way? Gender neutral parenting, gender stereotyping, and the “genderless baby” Odds are, you’ve already heard about the Toronto couple who are “hiding” their youngest child’s “gender” — I know I’ve seen stories about it show up in my various social media feeds dozens of times in the past couple days, and had no fewer than half a dozen people send me links or ask my opinion directly.
I was even contacted for comment for an article about the family. To be honest, I think I gave a particularly enthusiastic quote mostly because I’m very tired of this family — and any family who steps outside the mainstream in attempts to avoid or counter the bigotry therein — being so put down and criticized. That said, I don’t think it’s as simple as “everyone should do this!!!” To start with, let’s get it clear that what Witterick and Stocker are doing isn’t “hiding Storm’s gender” or “keeping the baby’s gender a secret”: someone’s gender, like their sexuality, is something which only that person can reveal for themselves. (Still with me? Next: is it a good thing that they’re doing?