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When mankind finally makes the big leap from Earth to space, it's probably not going to be the time-warping black holes or mouth-raping aliens that do him in. In fact, tomorrow's astronauts will be on the lookout for dangers that are laughably mundane. For every one dude who gets awesomely exploded by lasers or asteroids, hundreds will die of ... Budget cuts and recession drama may have temporarily shelved America's dreams of a moon colony, but Russia's -- not so much. The word on the street is that Vlad Putin not only wants a permanent Russian base on the moon by 2030 but also wants to harvest helium from our nearest space neighbor.
The universe hates you. Let's get that out of the way right now. The universe loathes your guts and is infuriated by the way you dress, and the stupid way you talk sends it into a murderous rage. It's just one bad morning and an empty coffee canister away from driving to your house and shanking you in the neck. With a supernova.
Our two favorite subjects at Cracked are the elusive concept of human happiness and Batman . This article is about the first one. If you're looking for an answer to "How can I be happy?" then the response from the experts is, "You're asking the wrong question."
There is no field of science that feels more like "playing God" than genetic engineering. It doesn't matter how pro-science and forward-thinking you are -- there's something weird about dicking around with the building blocks of life. To help set your mind at ease, here are some of the most baffling and bizarre experiments going on right now. Mice That Chirp Like Birds
These are not examples of random crackpot medical experiments. All of the following were performed by well-respected, influential physicians and researchers during their time. What we're trying to say is that these individuals have thrown down the proverbial gauntlet of badassery, making most of modern-day medicine look really, really lame. #6.
Modern medical science is a far cry from the "Eh, let's just chop it off" approach of yesteryear. But even with today's resources, situations arise where normal medical practices just won't get the job done. That's when it's time to think outside the box. The following are surgeries that prove that even the smartest of doctors can have crazy ideas. But is an idea really that crazy if it works? Yes.
In real life, people don't suffer freaky events like getting struck by lightning or getting part of their brain removed and then suddenly find themselves with new superpowers, like heat vision or flight. However, people do apparently suffer freaky events and then gain the ability to do art. It's a poorly understood phenomenon, but according to the experts who've studied them, these people aren't just messing with us. #6.
The human body can do amazing things. If you need proof, just type "parkour" into a search engine. But every so often, we're told a story so remarkable that it's almost impossible to believe it. And we should listen to that instinct.
There is nothing we take for granted as much as sanity. No matter what "crazy" unexpected thing might happen at the office tomorrow, you still know that you're not going to show up and find, say, your boss replaced by a talking guitar. But as we have explored before , there are mental disorders that can mess with your perception of reality in unimaginable ways, while often leaving the rest of your mind untouched. Disorders like ... Imagine you get into an argument with your asshole roommate about the unpaid rent.
After millennia of research, experts still don't know very much about the human brain. As such, most of what you have picked up on the subject from pop culture is just laughably wrong. In fact, we'll bet you even heard some or all of these brain myths in school at some point ... #6. "Alcohol Kills Brain Cells!"
Addiction is a funny thing in our culture -- people who are actually addicted to a substance actively deny it ("I just like to smoke!"), while other people claim addiction for every random thing they happen to enjoy ("I'm addicted to these delicious candy bars!"). But as science gets a better understanding of how addiction works in the brain, suddenly a whole lot of our everyday habits make more sense. Things like ...
There are those who want to improve the world around us and who do so in intelligent, well-thought-out ways. Then there are those of us whose desire to help the environment is mostly based on being bored or shallow or wanting to fit in after we get lost in Whole Foods. Unfortunately, most of humanity is made up of the latter type. Also unfortunately, a lot of the half-assed stuff we do not only doesn't help but actually ends up making things worse for everyone. Rescuing Oil-Covered Birds
It's easy to think of a classroom as a battle of wills between kids who want to dick around all day and teachers who actually want to make them learn. But it's not that simple. A lot of the things that will get you yelled at in a classroom are, in fact, beneficial to learning. They're just really annoying to other people (and the teacher).
In a landscape littered with unscientific and downright stupid weight loss products, it takes something extra stupid to get our attention. Fortunately, weight loss is a big business, and some of the products on the market today seem purely intended to find out how far they can go before we call bullshit. After all, surely nobody is really out there buying ... Weight Loss Sunglasses One of the nicest gifts our ancestors left us is our sense of disgust.
So this last year, I've been trying to do the old lose-weight-get-strong thing, so I can fit into a bikini and smash through walls. You know, the same thing millions of other Americans are striving for. Deep down, we all want to be She-Hulk.