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1980s sitcoms were notorious for shoehorning lessons into each episode that kids or functionally retarded adults could apply to their own lives. But every once in a while, those lessons were so bleak that the sitcom had to abandoned the "com" part of the equation. These are the episodes that scarred a generation. #5. Punky Brewster : Punky Loses Everyone She Loves Punky Brewster was a hit kid's television show during the mid '80s based on the exploits of a socially precocious orphan and her quirky group of friends.
We think of Hollywood as a liberal and socially progressive land of hippies, what with its endless fundraisers and giving awards to movies that teach us that intolerance is wrong. Yet in certain ways, movies are still way behind the times. We've pointed out before how certain weird movie stereotypes refuse to die, but there are larger, sadder trends that seem like they'll never go away.
Children's cartoons usually present idyllic worlds full of innocence and wonder. Even when there's some darkness, strife or conflict within them, the universes themselves are quirky, adventurous and just generally a hell of a lot more fun than this shitball we all spin around on. Except that's not always the whole story: If you dig a little deeper, you'll find that some kids' shows are actually taking place in dystopian hell dimensions that make our world look like Candyland. #6.
Writing a movie is hard work, and when all is said and done, there are always going to be a few small subplots that get ignored in the third act. But sometimes a filmmaker forgets an important plot thread. And by "important," we mean "one that was actually way more important than the main plot."
If the Internet is to be trusted (and we don't see why it shouldn't be), the best way to solve a movie mystery once and for all is to argue about it incessantly in blog posts, message boards and chatrooms. If you don't believe us, do a Google search for " Inception ending" and see what comes up ( we dare you ). Or, simply wait 10 minutes after this article is posted and scroll down to see what our own comments section is saying. Some movie and TV mysteries, however, weren't intended to be mysteries at all, and often are just the result of the director getting cute at the last minute.
At some point, we've all seen the finale of a TV show or movie and thought, "I could have written a better ending than that ." (We're still bitter about 24 not ending with Jack Bauer exploding from all the accumulated urine in his body, like our write-in campaign suggested.) That's why there is a thriving culture of fan theories that flood the Internet in anticipation of every show, movie or book. Though these theories turn out to be wrong approximately 100% of the time, we like to point out the ones that really do seem to improve on what the actual writers came up with.
The magic of movie-making is that directors have the luxury of leaving the boring shit out. One minute Kate Winslet is whistling her heart out in the middle of a corpse-filled ocean; the next, she's a decade too old for a part on The Golden Girls . That's what they call editing, kids! The thing is, that casual jump from A to B is also used as a writer's crutch to gloss over the stuff they didn't have the time to think through -- little things like "continuity," "logic" and "whether or not our protagonist just did some accidental murder."
Even if you've never left your hometown, you have a mental picture of virtually every famous city in the world. That's what movies are for, right? You'll never go to Moscow, but you know what you'll find there -- huge buildings with onion-shaped roofs and lots of snow. Well, we're sorry to say that Hollywood really doesn't seem to do all that much homework on some of these locations. That's why you may come away thinking ... Washington, D.C., Has Skyscrapers
Whether you're watching a bunch of environmentally conscious shows during NBC's " Green Week " or taking in cautionary tales like The Day After Tomorrow , it's obvious Hollywood cares about our fragile environment. Or at least they want us to think they do. When it comes time to getting just the right shot, wiping out a big hunk of ecosystem is considered a small price to pay.
As we've previously explained , Hollywood has some weird ideas about how easy it is to survive falls from great heights and, say, explosions that occur 10 feet away from the hero. But it's almost stranger the way movies and TV exaggerate the dangers of other things. For some reason, it's not a big deal to jump away from an erupting fireball, but we're supposed to believe that encounters with the following are certain death.
Lots of people joke about reality TV being the end of civilization, and many of them are us, but we weren't really worried. Until we found out what scientists were saying. Hard data and scientific papers spell out exactly how reality television is undoing civilized society, aka " the thing that keeps us from killing and eating each other for fun ." People Watch Reality TV For Horrifying Reasons "Why People Watch Reality TV" Professor Steven Reiss, Dr. James Wiltz Ohio State University Media Psychology, 6, 363-378 (2004)
As we recently pointed out , a lack of creativity in the entertainment world is nothing new -- people have been doing adaptations, reboots and remakes since the first stories were told. What you may not have realized, however, is that some of the great landmark motion pictures were themselves just remakes of originals that nobody remembers. The Wizard of Oz (1939) We're guessing there are zero-point-zero people reading this who don't know about the multiple award winning classic children's tale of a lion, tin man, flying monkeys and witchslaughter with young Judy Garland in her star-making performance as Dorothy. But a remake? The thing was made in freaking 1939.
Hey, Hollywood, we get that it's hard to come up with new ideas. Especially when you've gotten really good at improving on the original. But it's one thing to purposefully remake a dud into a classic -- it's another to pretend you're the one who came up with the idea in the first place. How would you like it if we said we invented anorexia and scientifically impossible explosions, huh Hollywood ?
We've all grown up watching classic movie scenes where a character puts it all on the line with one massive romantic gesture to prove his or her love. No doubt many a little girl has grown up wondering why this kind of thing so rarely happens in real life. Well, the reason that stuff only works in the movies is because if you sit and think about it, the real-world implications of those seemingly romantic gestures become so unsettling that they start to look about as romantic as an unsolicited boner text. The premise here is that Drew Barrymore has a brain injury that, every night, wipes out her memory.
We never said being a lawyer was going to be easy (because it's really not) . We also never said it was going to be cool or interesting, either, but do you know who did? Hollywood. And even though we've been cool with Hollywood's lies before (the crappiest Indiana Jones movie is still a hundred times more exciting than the most interesting real-life archaeologist), when it comes to making movies about lawyers, Hollywood's goofs are so inexcusable that we wonder if anyone even bothered to Google "lawyer," "law" or "real life" before starting their screenplay ...