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a t-shirt competition guide for designers and enthusiasts. Panda Polo. Second Place winner in Derby #6, with 623 votes!
Sure, pandas are pretty to look at and wondrous to contemplate. But what have they ever done for us? Aside from raising revenues for zoos and protecting us from rampaging bamboo, not much, friend. Not much. So we're busting out our tack, grabbing our mallets, and saddling up for a bruising chukka of Panda Polo, America's hottest ailuropod sporting sensation. This shirt was designed by: Shirt.Woot member duneboo, emerging from nowhere to win the hearts and votes of our fickle Derby voters. Wear this shirt to: one of those regular old polo clubs.
Don't wear this shirt to: any event connected to PETA, the World Wildlife Fund, or Panda Express. GI Metro. From Monday through Thursday this week, Shirt.Woot will be selling some of our favorite non-winning designs from the first few weeks of our Derby.
There may be no second acts in American lives, but it turns out there are second acts in American t-shirt design competitions. You're trying to get to the liver? See, what you wanna do is take the red line past the stomach, then switch trains at the small intestine. Счастливый Пятидесятый День рождения! The Apathy Monster. Third Place in Derby #22 (Other Words Of The Year), with 252 votes!
When Penguins Bribe Polar Bears. Because we like holidays too, overnight orders will arrive by 12/27.
First Place in Derby #21, with 675 votes! Welcome to Antarctic Sensations Resorts, sir! I trust your trip down wasn’t too uncomfortable? Allow me to help you out of your coat. No? I've Heard of the 70's. Editors’ Choice Week: designs that may not have won a Derby, but did win a place in our hearts.
Awwww. Remember Three’s Company? Fonzie was on that, you know. My mom told me all about it, or maybe I saw it on Nick At Night. Lady out of water. First Place in Derby #31(Water), with 870 votes!
Sailors tell the story of the woman made of water. They say she comes silently, like a slow tide, drawn by the harvest moon. Do the Robot! All Pop, No Lock 2nd place in Derby #96: Dance, with 934 votes!
Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten violent with the meatbag. But enough is enough. Oh yeah, everybody thinks the robot is hilarious – except those of us who actually have to live as robots. If you could only move your arms and legs in stiff, right-angled jerks, you wouldn’t have much tolerance for some doofus in a sweatsuit and goggles imitating you, either. Wear this shirt: backwards to be at the cutting edge of urban fashion circa 1989. Music industry. We’re not working today.
Overnighted orders will arrive on Tuesday. There’s an old saying about legislation and sausages, often attributed to Otto von Bismarck—a guy who knew a little something about both. If you care about music, though, you probably do want to see it being made. And not just in the rock dives, jazz clubs, open mic events and halftime marching band shows where it’s produced in small batches by trained artisans practicing sustainable musicmaking techniques. No, you’ll also want to see the huge mass-music factories with lax quality standards where Top 40 hits are churned out one after another, using low-grade raw materials and generating all kinds of corrosive by-products. On the Prowl. 1st Place in Derby #74: One Continuous Line, with 706 Votes!
Nice try, leopard. We appreciate the effort, jaguar. You’ve done some good work, lion. But let’s face it: of the Big Four wild cats, can’t nobody touch the tiger. It’s the biggest. Dinosaurs Who Are Communist for Some Reason. October Evolution Little-know fact: Karl Marx was almost born an Iguanadon.
New Waves. At Least, We Don’t Think It’s A Video-Game Reference They are the very model of a loudly vocal minority: “Why doesn’t Shirt.Woot sell more artistic grownup-type shirts?” A cartoon penguin gives them fits. Strike! 1st place in Derby #42: Join the Revolution! Facade. Who says you can’t have it all? This luxury 83-bedroom, 64-bath home is the face of contemporary upscale living, with sweeping columns, a watchtower, and multiple rotundae. A gigantic public clock and your own personal bell tower ensure that you’ll always be on time, while fire escapes in either wing provide safety and peace of mind. A sterling example of Neo-Classical Victorian Italianate Early American anthrotecture like this won’t be on the market long. The Bluebird of Hopelessness. Enough with the bravado. Enough with the posing. Enough with the mystic Chinese or Celtic or Runic or Japanese characters that probably mean something far more embarrassing than what you think they mean.
What this world needs is more honest tattoos. Next time, instead of that meaningless fantasy tat you were going to get, try UNEMPLOYABLE in big Olde English lettering across your throat. Or maybe cover your chest with the mugshot from your most recent DUI, rendered in the style of Boris Vallejo if that makes you feel better. The Walrus vs The Eggmen. Risky Business. 2nd place in Derby #42: Join the Revolution! , with 685 votes! “Dunno what Marx and Lenin are guffawing about—there’s no way they can take all of Europe, much less hold it. It’s always the same with these two: Tirelessly blustering about their ‘scientific’ approach while willfully ignoring the facts on the ground. Che’s got a better strategy: There are only two points from which to attack South America.
Yeah, South America is the ticket for Guevara. This shirt was designed by: James “the Animal” Cho, who has a reckless disregard for verisimilitude where strategy boardgames are concerned. This being our super-special Civilization Revolution Derby, James will be taking home some extra prizes to help break up his tedious routine of endorsing Woot check after Woot check. Love of Money. Why is everybody always picking on pigs? By nature the pig is as intelligent and clean as any household pet – hey, rolling in the mud is a smart way to keep cool. Treacherous Waters. Music Pirate. To the Top in the Style of Da Vinci. All Hands on Deck.
The Tycoon of ICE. $ Karl Marx said that communism would just have to happen all by itself.