6 Nobodies Who Turned Into Superheroes without Warning. Experts sometimes fail us. Police officers and firemen can't be everywhere at once. Fortunately, on those rare occasions when qualified individuals can't be found, a random nobody is sometimes waiting in the wings, ready to toe-kick fate in the genitals and save the day. #6. The Construction Worker Who Dove Under a Subway to Save a Man The Nobody: Wesley Autrey was a 50-year-old construction worker and Navy veteran living in New York City.
The Clutch: Autrey was waiting on the subway platform with his kids when a man named Cameron Hollopeter (which is the porniest name since Big Dick Gigglefist) fell to the floor and began convulsing. Getty"Cameron Hollopeter: Lived fast, died at about 63 mph. " With no real plan in mind, since the seconds it would take to develop a plan would be just enough time for Hollopeter to be erased by the train, Autrey jumped onto the tracks, not wanting his two daughters to witness the horrific squishing of a human being via train. But amazingly, they were alive. 6 Things You Won't Believe Science Can Do With DNA.
DNA gets a bad rap. It's the most sophisticated substance in existence, and thanks to CSI we think of it as murderer semen. Or we watch it proving that talk show guests who everybody (including them) hopes never reproduce have done exactly that. All this, despite deoxyribonucleic acid being so smart that most people consider even being able to say it a bit fancy. GettyWhich is odd, as the fanciest DNA often isn't passed on. Many people see DNA as something magical written down long ago that just tells you how things are going to be. Which is a pity, because that attitude is pretty much the opposite of science. . #6. Anyone can build things to fetch stuff out of DNA, but it takes years, it shits quite a lot and by the time they're old enough to know what you want, they're old enough to be playing Xbox instead.
GettyThe instant your chromosomes get out, they act like they've escaped a Nazi prison and you were the guard. That's why science cut out the middleman. . #5. . #4. Shueisha. 5 Reasons Women Will Rule the Future. Do me a favor. Reach down between your legs, and grab a handful. Then use this guide to determine how you should read the following article. Getty If you came up with two shuddering, army-filled GLOBES of untold testosteronic power ... CONGRATULATIONS, you are a man.
If you came up with NOTHING because all you've got down there is a pathetic inside-out handbag of an excuse for reproductive organs ... SORRY, you are a woman. The trends are clear. Fellas ... this is what we're up against. #5. Kate's Playground We're up against boobs. Don't believe me? CIA World Factbook Look at it -- girly pink staining everything like so much spilled bubblegum nail polish. Of course even the valiant repressive efforts of our nation's schoolteachers don't change the facts.
A) Males have a lower life expectancy than females, by about seven years. B) Men are also more likely to die doing something awesome, like gang violence, a knife fight in a bar alley or a big fiery shootout with Mexican police. . #4. . #3. The 5 Creepiest Disappearances That Nobody Can Explain. Back in the Dark Ages, people disappeared all the time. Crusades, disease and nearly nonexistent bookkeeping made it easy to slip through the cracks without so much as a footprint left behind. Luckily, the modern world makes such disappearances damn near impossible -- when people vanish, it usually turns out they were killed or kidnapped, or at least they were very likely to have been. The point is, usually we have some kind of an answer. Which makes it all the more mind-boggling when people actually do vanish into thin air, under very weird circumstances.
Like ... #5. Pennlive For 20 years, Ray Gricar was the district attorney of Centre County, Pennsylvania. He never returned. But hey, mystery schmystery, right? Getty"Tell her I send my love. That's pretty much what the cops must have figured when Gricar's car was found outside an antiques store. A search ensued. CnettvAlthough thankfully not too damaged to run Windows ME. It Gets Weirder: GettyHey, what a coincidence! Yep. Getty"Haha! #4. 7 Historical Figures Who Were Absurdly Hard To Kill. Death comes for every man, but that doesn't mean you have to make it easy for the bastard.
These are the men who, despite whatever terrible things they may have done in life, earned a place in our hearts with their amazingly badass deaths. Edward Teach a.k.a. Blackbeard Why He Had to Go Blackbeard or Edward Teach was a famous English pirate and a massive asshole by all accounts. He had between fourteen and sixteen wives, most of them about a biscuit older than Dakota Fanning. One wife in particular would be routinely forced to run a train with the crew while Blackbeard watched and "buffed his peg leg" so to speak. He'd also occasionally murder his first mate, just to keep everyone on their toes. "I can't even remember why I was mad at you. " How He Went Down Blackbeard eventually retired to North Carolina to spend his senior years rolling around in gold coins.
Rather than running from the two enormous ships sent to kill him, Blackbeard boarded Maynard's ship. Go ahead. 6 Superheroes Who Completely Lost Their Shit. One of the things Stan Lee is credited with in Marvel comics is how he made superheroes relatable. He took larger-than-life characters and gave them human problems. After Spider-Man is done insulating his fists to punch someone with an electric face, he gets picked last for kickball as Peter Parker. That's something a reader can wrap their head around. Like when Thor goes to the drug store and can't find a human condom to fit his screaming Nordic penis. "By Odin's all-seeing eye, I can give to my loins only this empty grocery bag, and to you only this heeding: Valhalla awaits your birth canal! " Before Stan Lee, comics related to kids by just having the heroes hang out with kids, usually without pants.
I'm not sure when gay was invented, but it definitely wasn't around when the people at DC finalized the Robin costume. Colossus is a Shitty Cosmonaut. The X-Men are joining some astronauts on a rocket destined for outer space. Imagine what it must have been like for that rocket pilot. Ms. The 5 Most Ridiculously Awful Computers Ever Made. Bitch all you want about the computer you're using now, about how it's short on RAM and infected with spyware and Windows Vista, but that machine stands on the shoulders of giants. Retarded giants. What we're trying to say is that in order to get you the machine that functions at the level it does, the PC industry went through many, many horrible designs and ill-conceived products. So you can bitch about the cheap Gateway laptop you've been using for five years, but at least it's not... The 3com Audrey (2000) A good sign that something unfortunate is afoot at your technology company is when someone proposes naming your new computer after a dead actress.
Say Audrey Hepburn for instance. Also cause for concern is when they decide to market it as an Internet appliance instead of a computer, as Internet appliance sounds a bit like a dildo that checks your stocks for you. "And after the frosting, we'll search Craigslist for some sexually creative serving suggestions! " The Coleco Adam (1983) 5 Real Life Soldiers Who Make Rambo Look Like a Pussy. We all understand that action movies are cheesy escapism.
After all, could one commando really take out a whole compound full of bad guys? Actually, yes. It turns out the history books are full of stories of soldiers doing things so badass they'd hesitate to put them into a film for fear of killing the realism. Like these five, for example. #5. Who Was He? Simo Hayha had a fairly boring life in Finland. Since the majority of fighting took place in the forest, he figured the best way to stop the invasion was to grab his trusty rifle, a couple of cans of food and hide in a tree all day shooting Russians. Can you spot Hayha? Of course when the Russians heard that dozens of their men were going down and that it was all one dude with a rifle, they got fucking scared.
They started by sending out a task force to find Hayha and take him out. Then they tried getting together a team of counter-snipers (which are basically snipers that kill snipers) and sent them in to eliminate Hayha. . #4. Exactly.
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