BPD WAIFS; Rescuing The Woman Who Doesn't Want To Be Saved. BORDERLINE WAIFS AND UNSUNG HEROES; Rescuing The Woman Who Doesn't Want To Be Saved.
By Shari Schreiber, M.A. www.GettinBetter.com Given the hundreds of letters I get from men who desperately "want to help" the Borderline after their troubling affair has ended, I suppose this article's time has finally come. I understand that you tirelessly tried to assist her, teach her and rescue her during that relationship, and you're wrestling with letting go of this fixation, weeks or months later. You may even be keeping your perceptions about what really went on in your dynamic under wraps, for fear of hurting her feelings--or risking that she won't speak to you again. In essence, you're still walking on eggshells, and putting her needs first. The Borderline Waif seldom exhibits the harsh or volatile traits we've come to associate with other BPD types. Since 'helplessness' is the Waif's core emotional theme, options and choices that are healthier/more productive, are generally avoided.
Narcissistic daughter - Families.com. Narcissistic Men Despise Independent Women. BLOG.THENARCISSISTINYOURLIFE.COM: Narcissists Play "I have Changed" Card. Characteristics of Narcissistic Fathers. This page is one of the most visited on this site and since I’ve read that 75% of all narcissists are men, that makes sense to me.
I don’t know if the way narcissistic fathers act is the same as narc moms act (view here) but when I found the lists I put farther down on this page, reading them struck a chord in me and I flashed back to one of my stepfathers. By doing this blog, I’ve come to realize that my 2rd stepfather was a horrible narcissist, abusive to all, violent, cold, extremely controlling and cruel…even while being ver-r-r-y charming, handsome and successful.
Hey, snakes and poisonous bugs can be pretty too… Boy-oh-boy did he get mad one time when I was 12 years old. I interrupted his singing in the kitchen while he cooked and I’ll NEVER forget that look…pure hatred and evil….and I felt terrified by just a look. Looking back, I realize that two of my mother’s four husbands left her via divorce and the last one died. :Angry Man" Anita Killi (View original source here.) From Narcissistic Fathers to Narcissistic Mothers: breaking the code of silence. Ever since women opened forbidden doors on Father Abuse and Patriarchy, it's been okay to talk about Dad and his selfishness, his entitled misuse of power and control.
I remember the 1970's when the truth of the nuclear family was exposed. Talk shows like Phil Donahue encouraged victims to stop protecting male abusers and reclaim their lives by restoring their power. Speaking up does that. Speaking up breaks the silence, eroding illegitimate power over vulnerable people, especially children. We've unpacked the patriarchal system emphasizing narcissistic values like control, self-reliance, and independence; while, at the same time, limiting appreciation for non-narcissistic values like compassion, empathy, connectivity.
In 2012, we are opening doors once again only this time, we are breaking the code of silence about narcissistic mothers. A friend wrote to me: "One memory that stands out about my mother is her telling the dentist not to use novacaine. More on Whether Narcissists Are Happy. Continuing with this discussion about whether narcissists are happy and when their happiness leaves them.
For example, I know a narcissist who turned viciously on her sister and parents within weeks of moving away to college. She tried to get herself adopted by the wealthy people who owned a college bar and restaurant she worked at. She told the cadre of students who belonged to that place outrageous lies about her sister and parents. Lies to make them all feel sorry for her as abused by her family – when of course, she was the abuser.
She was undone by a twist of fate. In an addition, an older cousin, who had come to visit their father and had always smelled a rat in this girl, noticed the odd manner in which these students were relating to the mother and sister, putting two and two together to realize that they had been told some of the narcissist's patented vicious lies about her family. How outraged were they? Normal people don't make normal people THAT mad. Back to the story. March 2008. I have a question for anyone out there who can answer it.
I would like to know why therapists - yes, therapists, not just preachers - think that a victimized person must forgive in order to heal. To keep things from getting all fogged up, we must be clear on what we mean by forgiveness. The word has a definite meaning: it is forgiving a portion of the debt incurred by the offender as your ante in a mutual act of reconciliation.
But the word is suffering a terrible bout of bastardization these days, having the guts torn out of it by being used as vague codeword for somehow managing to "stop hungering and thirsting for justice," for somehow "erasing your anger. "