background preloader

Amusing

Facebook Twitter

Funny Anti Jokes. Jpg00000.jpg (426×469) LOTS OF PUNS. ...A guy goes into a nice restaurant bar wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission.

LOTS OF PUNS

So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in -- just don't start anything. " ...This mushroom walks into a bar and starts hitting on this woman... ...This horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, buddy, why the long face... ...These two strings walk upto a bar... ...This grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Hey!

...This baby seal walks into a bar and the bartender says,"What'll ya have... " Things People Said. Ordinary people can be drop dead funny.

Things People Said

Latest additions: 1/21/11 Human speech is directly responsible for almost every thought and emotion we have throughout life's journey. The complexity of language and the complex messages we use it to communicate leave the possibilities wide open for just about anything. Among other things, people can say things that are funny. We pay good money to see comedians say funny things, and a lot of them come through. This page features humor that bypasses that. Slips and Gaffes Accident Reports -- Descriptions of accidents as written on insurance claim forms. Questions, Suggestions, and Complaints Forest Service Feedback -- City folk suggest improvements to the outdoors. Things Kids Say Kids' Ideas About Love -- 5 to 10 year olds expound on love and marriage. Stupidity Warning Labels -- In today's litigious society, products need ridiculously obvious instructions.

Famous People Yogi Berra -- Verbal blunders from one of baseball's legends. 24 Humoristic Toilet Inscription. If Historical Events had Facebook Statuses. US Department of Laughs. The US government has a new website, It's another attempt at scare mongering in the style of the old "duck and cover" advice after WWII.

US Department of Laughs

The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything! Here are a few interpretations. If you have set yourself on fire, do not run If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud. If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.

Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you! The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand. Michael Jackson is a terrorist. Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. If a door is closed, karate chop it open. If your building collapses, give yourself a blowjob while waiting to be rescued. Top Ten Best Cosplay - Top Ten List - FastTopTen.