Low income college graduates excluded from elite institutions, upward mobility. 5 Big News Stories That Left Out the Most Important Part. News stories are often more about the shock factor than the actual relaying of information. The news media is in and out quicker than a high school kid on prom night, hyping up the most outlandish elements of a story and then dropping it like it's an infant (for the sake of this simile, the news media is the parent of a future TLC reality show star). And apparently, that's just the way we like it. That's too bad, because these stories look very different when you hear how they ended ... #5. Faster-Than-Light Neutrino Disproves the Theory of Relativity! Getty Scientists seem to take a perverse sort of pleasure in trying to prove Albert Einstein wrong, we guess because calling the smartest man in history out on a mistake means that everyone else moves up one notch.
WikipediaGood call, dumbass. Yeah, eat that, Einstein! But They Forgot to Mention ... Do you have a GPS unit in your car, or perhaps your phone? Getty"Awww yeah, dial that tachyonic antitelephone, you dirty bitch. " #4. . #3. 6 Sensible Things You Should Never Do in a Zombie Outbreak. If you have any kind of active fantasy life, you've got at least a vague idea of what you're going to do when society turns into zombies.
Maybe you've picked a favorite weapon or a defendable location. People argue about the best zombie survival plans like it's a religion, and it sort of is, because unless something extremely unlikely happens, we will have wasted billions of hours on pointless speculation and planning. This is not an article to debunk survival methods. I've read The Zombie Survival Guide, and if you like your chances of looting a karate shop and cutting down a horde of corpses with a 15-pound monk's spade, I'm happy that your stupidity will finally yield a spectacular death. After all, we're talking about a make-believe world, so you might as well be Jackie Chan in it. And Jackie, this article is here to make sure you have the greatest post-apocalypse you can have. That doesn't necessarily mean survival.
You know who doesn't have to deal with that shit? 5 Ways the Modern World Is Killing Nostalgia. Remember when you were a kid and you did, you know, stuff? Hold on to that. Hold on to the act of remembering, because we're killing it as surely as E! Is killing the definition of entertainment. Modern technology, as awesome as it is, also hates your sense of nostalgia and is circle booting it in a field like so many unreliable copy machines.
"But Ian," you begin, unbuttoning your blouse, "I remember all kinds of things from my childhood! " And sure you do. Now. . #5. Getty Remember not so long ago when you'd hear a song in a commercial, or maybe it'd pop up at random on the radio, and you'd nearly shit yourself because you loved that song when you were 12 and haven't heard it since then? When's the last time that happened to you with a song, and how old was the song? You will never again fully enjoy that feeling of hearing a song that you really love but haven't heard in forever, because if you really love it, you'll just download it. . #4. Ever watch Antiques Roadshow? #3. 4 Words That Someone Should Have Invented by Now.
I bump into things a lot, I stutter, I'm not tall enough to scare anyone and I sweat so much that no business can actually insure me if I'm doing any work that involves regularly using my hands. As a result, I deal exclusively with words as my job, right here at Cracked.com. Words are literally the only thing I can be trusted with (and I'm not even grate with words all the thyme, if I'm being honest). I've spent a lot of time around words, so I've learned which ones are terrible and should be removed from the dictionary entirely, but I've also found our collective vocabulary seriously lacking.
Every once in a while, I see moments where I have to explain a situation in full sentences, because one word to represent that situation doesn't exist. And I hate using lots of words instead of one word, because I am a whirling, twirling, spinning, terrifying, motherfucking hurricane of efficiency. I've collected a few words that I think will save me (and you!) A lot of time. . #4. Suggested Word(s) 6 True Stories That Will Restore Your Faith in Humanity. Fun fact: If people were actually as bad as we say they are, civilization could not exist. So while the headlines are dominated by our weekly mass shootings, the reality is that day to day, we common folk make little sacrifices for each other and let insults slide and feel bad when we act like douchebags.
Once the riot is over, cops and rioters will both stand and make small talk in the same line at Burger King. Via Chicago Tribune"If anyone disagrees with this place having the best chicken nuggets, I will change your mind with pepper spray. " We have a whole thread on our forum where we collect little bits to restore your faith in humanity, and I check on it every once in a while to remind myself why I shouldn't utter the magic world-ending incantation that old wizard taught me years ago. So let's sit back and celebrate ... #6. Photos.com The mob was there to deliver a very clear message: "If the terrorists want to kill you, they'll have to kill us, too.
" Completely Unrelated Bonus Video: 5 Seemingly Harmless Things That Are Stressing You Out. Ever fly into a rage for no reason? You think you're calm, but something comes along and pricks your balloon, and suddenly you're screaming at the car in front of you to JUST GO JESUS CHRIST IT'S GOING TO BE YELLOW FOR LIKE THREE MORE SECONDS. It's almost like you were stressed out and on the verge of snapping for hours before that. But that's strange -- you didn't feel stressed out. There's no life crisis going on at the moment. Well, the hormones that trigger what we call "stress" are affected by all sorts of seemingly harmless things that science is just beginning to understand.
Like ... #5. Getty People spend a lot of time moaning about cubicles, but these days lots of offices have done away with them in favor of an "open plan" where everybody can see everybody else (just think of The Office sans the wacky antics, because, well, that's it). GettyNow scroll down very gradually so the slow reader at the back can keep up. The Stress Factor: Technically, it's not about the office per se. 6 One-of-a-Kind Things You Won't Believe Had Duplicates. They say that there's nothing new under the sun, and that applies to more things than you realize. Whether you're talking about famous historical events or entire cities, the real world often winds up feeling a lot like Groundhog Day. #6. The Titanic's Older Sibling (Actually Was Unsinkable) Via Wikipedia - US Public Domain You know the story of the Titanic by heart, and thanks to James Cameron, you probably even know it in 3-D.
Photos.com"We just assumed half our passengers would want to die at any given moment. " The One You Didn't Know About: There were actually three Titanics. Via Webnode.com"Why can't you be more like your sister? The Olympic made its intentions known right out of the gate when it arrived in New York after its maiden voyage and the sheer size of it sucked in and smashed up smaller ships in port. Photos.com"Permission to shit myself, sir? " In 1934, the Olympic crashed into yet another ship, killing seven people (none of them from the Olympic)
. #5. Photos.com #4. 6 Shockingly Evil Things Babies Are Capable Of. As anyone who's ever encountered babies in the wild can tell you, they're shiftless little balls of deception and greed. Those of us who stand up to walk, and sit down to poop may not be Mother Theresa, but it turns out we had a long way to go from our babbling drooling selves. Yes, unless you're a borderline sociopath today, you were probably at your worst before you ever uttered a word.
It's science! It seems crazy that a barely functioning human infant could be cunning enough to lie to get out of trouble, but it's true. Baby You was such an asshole that you started lying before you could even speak. Scientists have found that by the age of just six months mini-you was already "fake crying" and "pretend laughing" to get attention.
Oh shut up, you piece of shit. Perhaps even more surprising is that, when they know they've done something wrong, the little bastards will distract their parents to avoid getting caught. Why Did I Do That?! Pictured: You, if your parents were flightless birds. 7 Mind-Blowing Ways Jobs Are Being Outsourced to Animals. In this economy, millions of workers know what it's like to have their job outsourced to another country, or to get replaced by a robot. It's hard to hear that all of your advanced skill and dedication can be replaced at a fraction of the cost. What would be worse than that? Hearing that your job is now being done by an animal. Because we're telling you, animals are figuring this stuff out. Also, they don't complain and they don't get paid. The ranks of career-minded animals now include ... #7. Getty First of all, yes, this is a tiny horse wearing sneakers. guidehorseHe's as stunned as we are.
It's not a cute photo staged for one of those adorable animal calendars you get for your mom at Christmas -- that shoe-wearing horse is on the job. Like humans, horses differ in size. Npr"Haha! They actually have several advantages over their canine competition, in addition to being wonderful conversation starters. GuidehorseTheir spring/summer collection is almost too much. #6. Fnal.gov"Yay! #5. . #4. 5 Scientific Explanations Behind Everyday Nuisances. #2. Salt That Clumps in the Shaker Clumped-up salt is a common nuisance and a gateway to many an awkward situation, as anyone who has been walked in on while hammering the salt shaker with an ice pick can attest to.
It's one of those things that just seem to happen no matter what -- you store the stuff in a closed container in the darkness of your spice rack, yet the next time you fancy a dash on your fries, you can count on having to spend some time spice-punching the rock-hard formation that has somehow grown out of the grains. But it's not as if you can do anything about it. That's just how salt works, right? GettyYou're a cold bastard, salt. The Science: The problem is that your salt acts as a magnet -- for water. Can It Be Fixed? You might have been to a restaurant or diner somewhere that showed you the answer. GettyWell, some of them are maggots.
The only problem is that the rice grains need to be periodically replaced, lest they soak up too much to handle their task. . #1. 5 Reasons Immortality Would be Worse than Death. If you're reading this, congratulations on having achieved the primary goal with which we begin each day: You have avoided death. We're big on this idea of not dying. We love stories of immortal vampires and invincible superheroes, each of us wishing on some level that was us. If we didn't have to worry about death, we could finally get shit done.
But could we? Evolution Will Turn You Into a Freak Contrary to what many people believe, humans are still evolving. Science has no idea where future mutations might lead us by that point, so it's anyone's guess what your neighbors will look like in the future. Their bodies and brains are going to continue to adapt to an ever-changing world. One thing we do know: You won't be getting any lovin'. Basically, it's nature's complicated "the triangle doesn't go in the square hole" law, with a bunch of subset rules that will kill off your children if you decide to take a hammer to the triangle. Nobody Can Ever Find Out Sounds pretty sweet, right? 5 Things You Won't Believe Are Making You Dumber. Tell people that their diets or habits are making them fat or out of shape and they shrug -- we hear that crap every day.
Tell them that their habits make them stupider and you're about to have a fight. We all know that our brain is a part of our body, but nobody likes to think of their intelligence as something that can get weak and flabby due to things that are out of our control. Science says otherwise. Studies have shown ... #5. Meetings (And Group Projects in General) Slow Down Your Brain Getty Have you ever been in a situation where you had to work with other people (like a meeting at work or forming groups in school) and suddenly felt like everyone involved was suddenly dumber than normal? GettyThe subtle science of hate. It turns out that just being in meetings and group situations can drain your brain.
So, the more competitive the group is, the dumber some of its members will become. Getty"Can't we just handle this separately and talk about it later? #4. GettyLook at that dumbass. 5 Popular Forms of Charity (That Aren't Helping) Giving to charity is one of the most selfless things you can do. You're giving away your hard-earned money and expecting nothing in return, save the personal satisfaction of making the world just a little bit better (and the unquantifiable moral superiority you get to feel for a while). It's easy, too -- literally all you need is whatever cash you can spare and a tiny bit of awareness as to who you're going to give it to. So by all means, do it. Just please, please avoid messing it all up with one of these mistakes. #5.
What You Think You Do By wearing a Livestrong bracelet or a pink ribbon, or perhaps growing a mustache for Movember, you're doing important work by drawing the public's attention to an issue that needs support. Why You Shouldn't Do It Sure, awareness campaigns are great ... if they're for an obscure yet noteworthy issue that needs publicity. Via IndependentYou can't get breast cancer if you die of a heart attack. The reason behind this is three-pronged: #4. Getty #3. 6 Mind-Blowing Things People Built in their Backyard. If you are lucky enough to have a backyard instead of just, say, an alley full of garbage cans or the ass end of your neighbor's trailer, you probably feel like a hero just for keeping the grass cut.
Maybe if you're really ambitious, you've done some landscaping, or maybe you're handy and have built a deck. It really doesn't matter -- whatever you've got back there doesn't compare to these mind-boggling one-man projects ... #6. The Miniature Paris firewireblog.com"This is the third time you've used 'A giant hand was blocking the bridge' as a late excuse. " This may look like a Photoshopped image of a giant, nuclear-powered Frenchman descending upon Paris, but the Frenchman is actually regular-sized.
It's the city that is tiny. Firewireblog.comPeople with scale models of world cities in their backyard are 14 percent less likely to end up selling drugs. Working in his shed all by himself, Brion built his miniature Paris out of old concrete blocks, baby food jars, soup tins and other junk. 5 Ways to Trick Your Body Into Being More Awesome. You might know that the main way our body regulates its biological clock (and circadian rhythm) is through light. So when your brain is detecting light, it has your body behave as it should in the daytime (higher energy, greater strength, more bowel movements, etc.), and when the brain notices that the environment is dark after an extended period of brightness, then it imagines you're about to go to sleep, and it releases hormones (like melatonin) that make you sleepy. What you might not have known is that scientists recently found a second clock, and instead of depending on light, this one is food-based.
The food-clock desires this. Imagine you're a predator out hunting for food (and Jesse Ventura), but all the regular animals you would eat are nowhere to be found. Photos.comThe slaying of pizza rolls has set countless new biological mornings. It makes sense -- your brain is now under the impression that if you want to survive, you can only go hunting at night. 7 Real Suits That Will Soon Make the World A Cooler Place. 14 Photographs That Shatter Your Image of Famous People. 6 Saints With Superpowers Straight from the Marvel Universe. 5 Bad Ideas for Dealing With Bullies You Learned in Movies. 10 Common Words You Had No Idea Were Onomatopoeias. 5 Real Animal Friendships Straight Out of a Disney Movie. 6 Isolated Groups Who Had No Idea That Civilization Existed.
The 6 Most Certifiably Insane Acts of Writing. 5 Simple Things That Every Bad Cook Does Wrong. 5 Ways College Accidentally Prepares You for the Real World. 5 Ways You Don't Realize Movies Are Controlling Your Brain.