6 Movie Mysteries the Characters Should've Solved Way Sooner. Secrets drive the plots of some of the best movies. Memories are erased, alibis are fashioned, characters are killed or imprisoned and Jedi knights are kept working on farms for far too long, all to keep us guessing, interested and watching. That being said, sometimes a secret is only as good as the writers' ability to cover huge gaps in logic -- gaps that, when you think about it, are so huge that you can drive a bus through them, such as how the hell no one figured out Bruce Wayne was Batman in the Dark Knight trilogy. #6. The Dark Truth Behind Robert's Magic Trick in The Prestige Robert Angier (Hugh Jackman) is a magician hell-bent on winning a battle of wits against a rival magician to see who can better perform a specific trick, because this is 19th century England and women would have sex with you for such a thing. "No syphilis and magic tricks? Deal. " "I'M ALIVE! Perhaps because the greatest sin against nature is hiding your sin against nature. #5.
. #4. "Mary Jane! 5 Film Franchises Based on One Character's Stupid Decision. Remember that flashback scene in The Lord of the Rings when Elrond and Isildur are right at the center of Mount Doom, and all Elrond needs to do to save Middle-earth from centuries of war is elf-kick that dipshit and his ring-coveting ass into the boiling lava of oblivion? Had he just done what everyone in the audience was screaming at him to do, the movies would have just been 10 hours of hobbits getting drunk. Well, this kind of thing happens all the time -- one poor decision leads to an entire film series worth of conflict. For instance ... #5. Batman Exists Because Ra's al Ghul Doesn't Screen His Applicants Christopher Nolan's Batman series begins in a Bhutanese prison, where Liam Neeson's Ra's Al Ghul (who apparently has a key) recruits Bruce Wayne to be trained as a member of the League of Shadows.
"Come on, you're embarrassing me in front of my minions. The best way to show your commitment to not killing your enemies is by blowing them up. But hey -- free training, right? #4. . #3. 5 Terrifying Implications of Surviving a Horror Movie. At the end of a romantic movie, the goal is pretty much to be in love with someone, even if you win the booby prize and get Molly Ringwald.
The end of an action movie usually sees a character vindicated in some way, having overcome nefarious asshattery. The end of a horror movie is successful for a character if he or she is still alive (and a lot of times they don't even manage that). It's no wonder then that, by the end of a movie, if some characters do survive, we tend to overlook what it implies -- that they're going back to normal life.
Given what they just endured, that can be worse than the crap they just survived. #5. Land of the Dead Land of the Dead was George Romero's fourth bite at the undead apple -- even though he had made six or seven dead movies at this point (but some of the others don't count, including official remakes and a few unofficial sequels). Smells like teen spirit! The answer is no. Especially not the right to bear arms. #4. Say buuuuuuzz? #3. "Prescription? From Jackie Chan to Carrie Fisher: The 10 Most Unlikely Celeb Porn Stars. Post-Fame Porn Stars There are various reasons a recognizable actor might appear in pornography.
Maybe their career has slowed a bit and having sex is the only way they can get anyone to point a camera at them, maybe they have a crippling sexual addiction, or were simply too dumb to know how to work the "delete" button. Either way, it's all extraordinarily depressing. Screech from Saved by the Bell (Dustin Diamond) "Screech" claimed it was pure accident that the unfortunately named Screeched: Saved by the Smell, featuring a real, even more unfortunate Dirty Sanchez, got released. He's since capitalized on the career shift as despicably as possible, appearing at porn conventions and trying to push a line of adult products modeled after plaster molds of his man-parts. (tie) Joanie Laurer (aka former WWE Star Chyna) Early last year Colin Farrell attempted to block the distribution of a 13-minute sex tape he made with ex-girlfriend and Playboy Playmate Nicole Narain.
Carrie Fisher and Friends. The 6 Most Accidentally Creepy Movie Romances. Hollywood is no stranger to creepy romances: We've seen movies about aliens doing it with human women, 100-year-old vampires dating high school teens and Woody Allen hooking up with young starlets, among other unlikely atrocities. And yet, somehow, the writers always find new ways to top themselves, coming up with new and more disgusting ways to creep everyone out without even meaning to.
Here are six more famous movies where the filmmakers tried to add a little romance and ended up unleashing unintentional nastiness at best, pure existential horror at worst. #6. Source Code -- Jake Gyllenhaal Kills a Man, Then Steals His Life and Girlfriend The Movie Romance Source Code is about a time-altering device that can't send a person's body back, but can transport his mind. Time travel, brought to you by math and the color blue. Why can't Jake Gyllenhaal just travel through time like normal people? The Creepy Implications "We don't have those laws in the future. . #5. "So let's get busy. " #4. The Filthiest Joke Ever Hidden in a Children's Movie. One of the most beloved and oft-quoted moments in the ridiculously beloved and oft-quoted film Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory is the sequence in which the unbalanced candymaker displays his newest invention: lickable wallpaper.
As the children and their guardians go to town on the wallpaper, Wonka declares: "Lick an orange. It tastes like an orange. The strawberries taste like strawberries! The snozzberries taste like snozzberries! " We laugh, because "snozzberries" is obviously a fanciful, fictional word, and nobody knows what they really were. Except that Roald Dahl, the book's author, knew exactly what snozzberries were: They're dicks. It turns out the guy who thought a story about an insane recluse casually murdering a group of children had a pretty fucked up sense of humor.
In 1979, Dahl decided to revisit snozzberries in his adult novel My Uncle Oswald. The term "snozzberry" comes up when Yasmin Howcomely recounts her experience with George Bernard Shaw: "Ow. " "Very effective. " The 5 Most Excessively Creepy Children's Educational Videos. If there's one thing that the whole world can agree on, it's that teaching children is the highest calling. But what's the best way to teach them? Through rote memorization? Through repeated quizzing? Through interactive puzzles and games?
Or is it somehow simpler than that? Well, according to these educational children's videos, that answer is a firm and resounding "Yes. . #5. What do you get when you throw a handful of serial killers into an empty room with nothing but a notepad, a bicycle and a pound and a half of mescaline? The video introduces 10 adorable children who are planning an innocent bike ride to the park for a nice, pleasant picnic.
And little do you know that that's a good thing, because they're actually all terrifying monkey monsters with black holes for eyes: Wait, this isn't how children always look? In downright biblical fashion, each of the monkey-children is stricken dead by fate (fate drives a garbage truck on the weekends to make ends meet). Fedoras: Not. See that? The 6 Creepiest Things Ever Slipped Into Children's Cartoons. Whether they realize it or not, parents leave their children in the care of cartoon writers for several hours every week--which is about as wise as telling your kids that a candy-dealing leprechaun lives at the bottom of the swimming pool.
For every wholesome lesson about sharing and togetherness, there's at least one deeply disturbing reference they've managed to slip past the censors. And some times, it's not exactly subtle. Animaniacs - Fingering Prince The whole secret to the success of a cartoon like Animaniacs is to appeal both to the kiddies who like animated slapstick, and to the college kids who like the quick inside jokes clearly intended to sail over the toddlers' heads.
For example, we have the episode "Hercule Yakko"--an oblique reference to Agatha Christie's Hercule Poirot that no child would get--where the Warner siblings act as detectives on board a cruise ship as they look for a stolen diamond. But then Yakko tells Dot to "dust for prints. " The show's kind of fucked up. X More inexplicably horrifying episodes of TV shows (ph) If you think that watching nothing but family-friendly shows with your children or younger siblings is hell, imagine what it must be like to actually make those things for a living. It'd be like having the Dora the Explorer theme stuck in your head all day, every day, for the rest of your life. That's probably why sometimes, the makers of these cartoons or sitcoms flip out and decide to create something nightmarish in an apparent "screw you" to the audience. But what's surprising is that these episodes then get greenlit and air on national television.
Like ... #5. Family Matters was ostensibly a sitcom about the elevator operator from Perfect Strangers, Harriette Winslow, and her cop husband, but it soon became centered on their impossibly annoying nerd neighbor, Steve Urkel. "I hide in plain sight, Mr. Early in the episode, Urkel's doll gets struck by lightning and comes alive. Which is a legitimately impressive achievement for someone with rigid plastic fingers. #4. Via Fanpop.com #3. 5 Old Children's Cartoons Way Darker Than Most Horror Movies. Entire television empires now exist thanks to cartoon characters cursing and taking on dark subject matter. Shock humor works best when it's coming out of a character from South Park or Family Guy because we still think of cartoons as wholesome kid stuff. After all, that's the way it was prior to, say, the 1990s. Right? Not quite.
And in fact, some of the most nightmarish cartoons predate your grandparents ... #5. Bimbo's Initiation (1931) -- Torture, Sexual Insanity and Betty Boop The only way to describe this 1931 cartoon by Fleischer Studios (Disney's biggest rival at the time, best known for stuff like Popeye and Superman) is "hell. " The story follows Bimbo the dog, a forgotten cartoon mascot of the '30s, who falls down a manhole and meets a strange race of black-faced candle-headed people, one of whom chants at Bimbo, "Wanna be a member? Horrified, Bimbo says "no" in what is quickly revealed to be the worst decision of his life. "Hello, Bimbo.
. #4. "It's the '30s, kid. . #3. Nope.