Written

Facebook Twitter

Random Thoughts of People Our Age. Anagrams. Dad Punishments. Courtroom Testimony. These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Courtroom Testimony

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? Google Earth. Me: “Thank you for calling [bank], may I please have your 16-digit account number?”

Google Earth

Customer: “I can’t.” Me: “That’s fine, may I please have your SS number so I’m able to find you?” Customer: “No!” Me: “How can I help you today?” Customer: “I need my balance right now!” Me: “Okay, I can help you with that, but I need to be able to look you up in the computer. Customer: “I’m on a cell phone. Me: “Umm…okay? Customer: “I’m busy!

Me: “I can as soon as I’m able to look you up in the computer. Customer: “I’m not going to do your job for you! (At this point, I’ve had enough.) Me: “Okay, sir. Customer: “Yes.” Me: “Can you please take it out of your wallet and hold it above your head?” Customer: “Okay, I’m doing that.” Me: “Thank you, may I please put you on hold while I contact NASA to move the satellite to your location and send us a picture?” Customer: “Okay, just don’t take too long about it!” (I place the customer on hold and go on break. Avatar vs Pocahontas. The Jeep Nanny. FOUND by Travis in Baltimore, Maryland Found in the gutter on Ramsay Street.

The Jeep Nanny

I am most struck by the comment about the stove. It seems to say, “Look, I’m not really thrilled about the dope-shooting in my house, but I could live with it if you were just a little more conscientious about turning off the stove when you were done.” Some people are never satisfied. No doubt, if they did turn off the stove, “Me” would start complaining about the needles left lying around. Some Similar Finds:

DOMINOS-PIZZA-COMPLAINT. Women and Men. A Letter of Thanks from Grandma [PIC]