Crumpets. I've been feeling quite patriotic towards my British side for the past week. For obvious reasons. I gotta find me one of those. Complete with a shiny red uniform and a tragic past. Oh yeah. So, for breakfast on the big day, we obviously had to have crumpets. It's alright, baby. Sorry to freak you out. Crumpets 3 t sugar 1 t salt 1 T yeast 1 stick butter, melted 2- 2 1/2 C warm water 1 t soda 2 1/2 C flour Comine the sugar, salt, and yeast. Auntie Anne's Pretzels: Copycat Recipe.
I don't know about you guys, but the last few times I have been to the mall there has been NOTHING cool to speak of. I mean, seriously, nothing is even worth trying on. Last time, Piggie and I drove almost an hour to get to a decent mall and didn't get a single thing. Stopped at Target on the way home- found a dress within eight seconds. Not to mention the Target sunglasses, purse, books, dinnerware, make-up, chocolate, and etceteras that I am currently basking in. Seriously, it just gets better and better every time I go there. Every night I pray to God that he will someday give me the courage to fulfill my lifelong dream and hide in a rack of clothes during closing time so I can stay there ALL NIGHT.
I can tell you one thing. But getting back to how much I hate the mall, I have to say, there is no way that any lack of coolness could ever completely keep me away from that wasteland. Mall pretzels. Anyways, they WERE better. It starts out with some dough. You must roll them thin. Fluffy White 60 Minute Sandwich Bread. Today, I almost died. I practically sliced my finger off. CLEAN OFF THE BONE. Almost. It all started when I was making some bread. And I thought, "Hey, I'll put some melted butter in the dough. Psh. So I took brick of butter out of the fridge and decided to cut it in half with a dinner knife. So, as you may know, butter is slippery. Guess where those two horrible objects are now. Now, as you may recall, I don't handle injuries well. "Tay, get me a bandaid.
And he was just kind of like, "Wha-? "No, Tay! "What? "I SAID, I NEED A BIG ONE! " "Ooo. *Dad enters scene* "Okay, Yammie, let me see it. " "Okay. " *Prolonged pause* "You're gonna have to let go of it. " "I CAN'T. "Yammie, you're not gonna die. "STITCHES? "No, I don't have the right anesthetics. "I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GET IT AMPUTATED. "That's because you're squeezing it so hard. "I CAN'T. "Just let go. Well, as it turned out, Dora was as good as any old stitches. Doesn't the sight of a fifteen-year-old boy sifting flour just warm your soul? Hawaiian Sweet Rolls {The Fluffiest Rolls I've Ever Made} Sooo, this post was actually going to happen last night, but... I got a little distracted. Of course, it started with the usual exploration of Pinterest, but somehow it ended up at this wonderful website.
Let's just say seven-year-old Yammie would have considered this glittering princess paradise her very own heaven on earth. And the current twenty-year-old Yammie? So. Anyways, I did actually make you some food. Yep. The other secret for fluffy rolls is patience. It depends on the temperature of your house and stuff, but it took about an hour for mine. There. Look at those babies. Instead, I only took a million and five. Also... Are those tears of joy I see streaming down your face? Amish White Bread Recipe. Best challah (egg bread) I only know one Yiddish phrase (well, two, if you can count farshikkert, which is a pretty awesome way to say someone is three sheets to the wind), but conveniently, it is my favorite. A shonda for the goyim means, roughly, that someone of the Jewish faith is not only doing something shameful (shonda), but doing it in front of non-Jews, which of course is an entirely worse offense.
Like, it would be bad enough to, say, eat ham and cheese on matzo on Passover (or, I suspect, ever and boy, do I have a great story about that but first let me see if I can get my mother to pay me not to share it) but it would be doubly more awful to do it in front of a person outside your faith. You would, in fact, bring shame upon your entire people, mostly because when given the choice between the most or least dramatic interpretation of an event, I think can safely say that my people will generally opt for the former.
A shonda, indeed. Well, I aim to get us swiftly up to speed. Bread-phobic? 1. 2. 3. 4.