If the Avengers Were 10 Times Manlier. The 6 Saddest Attempts to Follow Up Pop Culture Classics. Just because you've created one masterpiece doesn't mean everything you touch is going to be gold (we're looking at you, seasons 2,3 and 4 of Heroes).
For further proof, just take a look at the real and grossly ill-conceived follow-ups to some of these beloved classics. After Captain America: Fighting American Joe Simon and Jack Kirby were true visionaries: They created Captain America in late 1940, a full year before the U.S. got involved in World War II, and they had him punching Hitler in the face as early as March 1941. When Marvel Comics put out the first issue of Captain America, the character became an overnight sensation.
Simon and Kirby were immediately flooded by fan mail and even death threats from Nazi sympathizers. 6 Common Movie Arguments That Are Always Wrong. Everybody loves sharing their opinions on the Internet, sometimes about important, world-changing things like politics, religion, human rights or cat declawing, and sometimes about unimportant things, like movies.
And as everyone knows, the best part about sharing opinions is the chance to smugly tell other people that their opinions are wrong. Almost every heated movie discussion has someone pulling out one of these stupid, nonsensical lines. 5 Things You Don't Learn About High School Until Too Late. I'm not one of those guys who's going to tell you that high school is the best years of your life, because quite frankly, I don't believe that they are.
I don't look back on the experience with glassy eyes and a sigh of nostalgia, little cartoon hearts floating around my giant, fluttering eyelashes. And I most definitely don't agree with adults who say, "You've got it easy -- all you have to worry about is going to school. " That type of vapid, shallow statement is made by people who have forgotten what it was actually like, the type who plan their 10-year reunion while attending their five-year one. But there are a few things I did learn long after I graduated that would have made the whole thing a lot easier.
Maybe kids today are already wise enough to see these things, but back when I was in school, it would have been nice to know that ... #5. 6 Tiny Mistakes That Caused Apocalyptic Explosions. 6 Horrifying Implications of the Harry Potter Universe. We have a feeling that Harry Potter is never going away, in the sense that franchises like Batman and Star Wars never went away (and Star Wars never got its own amusement park).
And why not? It's the perfect storm of wonder, charm and innocent, family-friendly adventure that everyone can enjoy. 5 Insane Cases of Imposters Passing for World Leaders. Looking like a famous actor or musician means you can probably make a decent living doing impressions, making special appearances or doing porn.
Looking like a world leader, though, means you might end up helping win a war, being hunted by foreign governments or ... doing porn. We're not kidding. All of that happened to the following people, including the porn, whether they liked it or not ... #5. Fake British Officer Helps Win the Battle of Normandy. 5 Actors Who Do the Exact Same Thing in Every Movie. Everyone assumes that directors and writers decide what happens in a movie, but many times the movie star is the most powerful person involved with the project.
For instance, when Jim Carrey wanted to make a movie about his favorite number, The Number 23 hit theaters across the country. A much more entertaining abuse of this star power occurs when huge movie stars decide they look awesome doing something, and proceed to force that something into every movie they make. For instance ... #5. The 7 Most Stupidly Overpowered Hunting Weapons. Hunting: It is an age-old dance.
It is a sacred covenant between the predator and the prey ... and the guy bristling with a half-dozen giant cannons and sporting only the most advanced cloaking technology. Sure, it's not "fair" to the animal, and sure there's no "sport" in it, and sure it makes you "kind of a dick," but answer us this: If deer like living so much, why didn't they invent high explosives, huh? If that logic made sense, well then, buddy, have we got some stupidly overpowered hunting gadgets for you: .577 Tyrannosaur Rounds The .577 Tyrannosaur round is, well, let's just say they don't name something "the T-Rex" because of its subtly engineered grace: The one on the left is the T-Rex; the fourth is an ordinary shotgun round.
The 7 Most Horrifying Parasites on the Planet. As soon as your doctor says you've got parasites in your body, you don't need to hear any more details.
They're all horrible, right? How can it get worse than little tiny worms or something feeding on your insides? Actually, it can get way, way worse. 7 Great Men in History (And Why You Should Hate Them) Some historical claims are irrefutable: Hitler was a dick; Einstein was a brilliant sex maniac.
A few other claims, however, are not quite as black and white. In honor of Labor Day, the only federal holiday that doesn't pay homage to a historical event or person, we've uncovered some 100-percent true reasons you should probably hate some of history's greatest heroes. Historical Figure: Patrick Henry. 7 Popular 'Chick Flicks' That Secretly Hate Women. Hollywood filmmakers like their women like they like their coffee: shrill, stupid and submissive.
And usually not black. As evidence, all you need to do is look at the "romantic" movies which are targeted toward women, yet somehow embrace every negative assumption about females that males have ever dreamed up. Movies like... In what we've determined to be an actual documentary, Mel Gibson is an alcoholic, cigar-chomping, divorced chauvinist prone to unsolicited butt-slapping and overt boob-ogling. 6 Comic Book Easter Eggs That Stuck It to The Man. All of us should have jobs where we can slip passive-aggressive "screw yous" to our enemies or our bosses right there in the work we produce. It must be very satisfying. Or at least you'd think so, considering how many of these "screw you" Easter eggs have been hidden in comics over the years. Marvel Writer Encodes an Insult to His Boss Al Milgrom was an artist, writer and editor who worked at Marvel for almost 25 years before he quit and started working freelance.
The 5 Most Ridiculously Sexist Superhero Costumes. Female superhero costumes are the comic industry's "No Cooties" signs: They prove that the people who designed them think about girls (a lot) but don't really know how they work and are making sure it stays that way. I am not an enlightened man. I consider the wipe-clean cheerleader costume a greater advance in clothing technology than the spacesuit. But the only "strong" in many "strong female comic book characters" are the oblique muscles required to point their ass and boobs in the same direction. 'The Skulls': A 10 Year Old Movie That's Already Baffling. Every once in a while, we here at Cracked like to hand over the site to a writer or animator whose work we really enjoy.
It's our little way of saying "We forgot to write something today. " This week, we have an update from Patrick Cassels's movie review site, 10-Year-Old Movies. The site gives a look at random films on the occasion of their 10th Anniversary, giving them way more consideration than they probably need a decade later. -Concerns elderly rich perverts in robes (see: Eyes Wide Shut, The Ninth Gate) Worst Life Ever: The Story of Kazuyuki Fujita's Skull. Kazuyuki "Iron Head" Fujita made a fighting career out of having a thick skull. This is that skull's story. Like many mixed martial artists, Fujita started as a wrestler. Unlike many mixed martial artists, he never learned a second skill.
It would take him 60 minutes to describe to you what he thinks a kick is, and he attempts submission holds the same way he tries on hats-- confusedly pulling in random directions with no results. 5 Real Ways to Get High Straight Out of Science Fiction. Eventually technological advancement comes to every profession even if that profession is just burn-out, hippy, or full-time junkie. Its been a long time coming, but apparently science has finally gotten the message and realized that even drug abuse can be made better, faster, and stronger. With that in mind, here are some new, readily available drugs that seem more like science fiction than pharmaceutical fact. The 6 Most Baffling Nobel Prizes Ever Awarded. A whole lot of people complained last year when Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize for what was apparently two months of ground-breaking work in the fields of teleprompter reading and ab maintenance. 5 Artists Who Stopped Sucking Out of Nowhere.
The 10 Most Important Things They Didn't Teach You In School. 11 Bad-Good Horror Movies You Need To See. The First High School Movie for Rich Bullies. Occupy the High School Senior Parking Lot: A Manifesto. Movement: [noun] a natural event that involves a change in the position or location of something. -Wikipedia Dear Principal Carver, Vice Principal Marshall, Faculty and Staff, We, the class of 2012, urge you to pause for a minute from your duties of forcing the "rules" of the "American't Dream" down the throats of today's youth and look out your windows at the world. There you will see us, putting aside religion, gender and tons of other conflicting stuff to stand united at the edge of a really really big precipice in American history, and more specifically, the curb.
A Guide to Holiday Cocktails Written After Drinking Them All. Holiday drinks, much like candy canes and pfeffernusse cookies, have only survived as long as they have because humanity spends eleven months each year forgetting how disgusting they are. We allowed barely edible seasonal treats to gain traction in our culture because we tricked ourselves into thinking we enjoy them. Why You Should Beware of Schools from Late Night TV Ads. Kids, do you want to grow up and design video games for a living? 9 Quirky Things Every 'Cool' Workplace Is Required to Have. The 8 People Who Will Ruin Your Attempt to Lose Weight. It's damn hard to lose weight and just generally get in shape. Americans are getting fatter every year, and 80 percent of people who lose weight gain it all back. 10 Days As a Skyrim Widow: The Dark Side of Gaming Addiction. 6 Obnoxious Ads That Don’t Even Try to Sell Their Products. 5 Characters Who Totally Missed the Moral of Their Own Movie.
The 6 Most Unintentionally Hilarious Superhero Reinventions. 5 Ridiculous Sex Myths From History (You Probably Believe) 6 Groups Who Don't Work as Movie Bad Guys Anymore. 6 Ridiculous History Myths (You Probably Think Are True) The 5 Biggest Mismatches in Movie Fight History. 8 Kids Movies That Lied to Us. 5 Things That Make You Happier Than They Probably Should. 5 Reasons Megatron Should Have Fired Starscream Years Ago. 10 Old Toys That Made Sense In Their Era (And Nowhere Else)