The Party. At some point during my childhood, my mother made the mistake of taking me to see an orthodontist.
It was discovered that I had a rogue tooth that was growing sideways. My mom and I were told that the tooth, if left unchecked, would completely ruin everything in my life and turn me into a horrible, horrible mutant. Unless I wanted to spend the rest of my natural life chained in a windowless shed to avoid traumatizing the other citizens, I was going to need surgery to remove the tooth.
I was accepting of the idea until I found out that my surgery was scheduled on the same day as my friend's birthday party. My surgery was in the morning and the birthday party wasn't until the late afternoon, but my mom told me that I still probably wouldn't be able to go because I'd need time to recover from my surgery.
But it was too late. And then she would let me go to the party. I first started to regain consciousness while we were driving on the freeway. THE PARK!! THE WALMART DRINKING GAME by Matt Houghton - Artist: Roxie Vizcarra. To set the record straight: I’m a man who likes to drink.
Excessively. I like to drink at bars, in clubs, at friends’ apartments, in my own apartment, with homeless people unless they’re scary or look diseased, while taking a dump and so on and so forth. Included in that is while playing drinking games. A shot every time a fight breaks out on Jerry Springer. Or maybe a swig every time a turned-over playing card is a king, or hell - even simply the color red. Every time you see a mother pushing a cart with obese child in it, take one shot. Every time you see what appears to be a single mom under the age of 20, take one shot. Beards-full.jpg (JPEG Image, 3000x709 pixels) - Scaled (33%) Hyperbole and a Half. Yes We Can! 10 reasons to avoid talking on the phone. The God of Cake. My mom baked the most fantastic cake for my grandfather's 73rd birthday party.
The cake was slathered in impossibly thick frosting and topped with an assortment of delightful creatures which my mom crafted out of mini-marshmallows and toothpicks. To a four-year-old child, it was a thing of wonder - half toy, half cake and all glorious possibility. But my mom knew that it was extremely important to keep the cake away from me because she knew that if I was allowed even a tiny amount of sugar, not only would I become intensely hyperactive, but the entire scope of my existence would funnel down to the singular goal of obtaining and ingesting more sugar. My need for sugar would become so massive, that it would collapse in upon itself and create a vacuum into which even more sugar would be drawn until all the world had been stripped of sweetness. I had tasted cake and there was no going back. My mom had prepared the cake early in the day to get the task out of the way.
FOUND Magazine. Dogs Don't Understand Basic Concepts Like Moving. Packing all of your belongings into a U-Haul and then transporting them across several states is nearly as stressful and futile as trying to run away from lava in swim fins.
I know this because my boyfriend Duncan and I moved from Montana to Oregon last month. But as harrowing as the move was for us, it was nothing compared to the confusion and insecurity our two dogs had to endure. Our first dog is - to put it delicately - simple-minded. Our other dog is a neurotic German shepherd mix with agonizingly low self-esteem who has taken on the role of "helper dog" for our simple dog. Neither dog is well-equipped with coping mechanisms of any kind. When we started packing, the helper dog knew immediately that something was going on. When the soul-penetrating pathos she was beaming at me failed to prevent me from continuing to put things in boxes, the helper dog became increasingly alarmed. Unfortunately for the helper dog, it took us nearly a week to get everything packed up. Bear grylls he simply walks into mordor. Top craigslist: BEAT IT WITH A REAL JO-BRO - m4m.
I'm a serious bro looking for a equally/more serious bro with fancy footwork.
The idea is to tie our wrists together ala the "Beat It" video and then each JO/knife fight in a profound spiritual act of consensual hetero awesomeness. I would have done this way sooner but have little faith in humanity. Things My Boyfriend Says. FOUND Magazine. Lolcat-i-question-the-general-assumption-that-feli1.jpg (JPEG Image, 500x638 pixels) Psssh-Woman.jpg (JPEG Image, 559x600 pixels) FOUND Magazine. 92768.strip.sunday. LGBT Laughs, justmycupofteaa: I like this. A lot. on imgfave.