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In a rapidly shrinking world, it's becoming more and more important to have translations that are both lightning-fast and actually understandable. To underline how hard this is, here's that sentence translated from English to Thai to Russian to Japanese and back to English, courtesy of Google Translate: Become increasingly important in order to convert the world to fall faster, as well as lightning, to understand the actual. And as much as that sucked, it's nothing compared to these doozies. A Missed "I" Gives Us Martians Back in 1877, Italian astronomer Giovanni Schiaparelli reported a rather shocking discovery: There were "canali," or canals, on Mars. Since canals are artificial by definition, this caused a shitstorm of speculation about the possibility of a long-vanished race of Martians who must have made the structures to irrigate their crops.
If you want to research UFO sightings, we hope you like bullshit.
We have previously pointed out that the kind of coincidences you'd dismiss as bad writing if you saw them in a movie happen all the time in real life. In fact, history is full of bizarre coincidences that get downright creepy ... John Wilkes Booth's Brother and Abe Lincoln's Son Edwin Booth, perhaps unfairly known today as the brother of assassin John Wilkes Booth, was once upon a time known as the greatest actor in American history . In fact, certain theater historians and steampunk enthusiasts would probably argue that he still is today. His reputation as an actor was described as "mythic," and a statue of him stands in Manhattan's Gramercy Park to this very day.
We have detailed demographic information about our readers, so one thing we know is that most of you reading this have fairly obscene and borderline illegal sex on an almost weekly basis. But no matter how nasty you like to get in your leather-studded Bone Chamber, there are multiple species of the animal kingdom who still put you to shame. Like...
Humans are like goats. We'll eat any damned thing. Just ask the people who make PowerBars. In fact, you'll find foods in this world that don't even seem possible. Not just that they could exist, but that people would actually stick this stuff in their mouths without a gun to their head. We've found six dishes that seemed to have sprung from Satan's own cookbook.
These old Disney movies are a little bit like your aging Uncle Frank. Honestly, he means well when he points out that Will Smith is "well-spoken." It's just that he, like the assemblage of clips below, dates from a time when people were unfairly characterized by their ethnic background (the acceptable methods are, of course, religion, geography, sexual preference and income). The Merchant from Aladdin
We get it. Guys are tough to figure out: There's like 24 possible combinations that you can make with 1) beer 2) food 3) sex and 4) sports. No wonder their girlfriends have to resort to lady magazines to gain insight into the buzzing hive that is the male mind.
One of the small comforts of watching a movie is knowing that, yeah, those guys might be idols up on the big screen, but off-camera they're probably just like the rest of us: 30 pounds overweight, living in an abandoned semi-truck cab and selling weed for denture money. But every now and then, we come across actors whose real lives are even more incredible than their fake ones. Like ...
Christmas is the biggest shopping holiday of the year. So it's no surprise that companies spend every December absolutely bombarding us with ads full of cheerful, wholesome, uplifting messages to capitalize on all that goodwill and turn it into something useful: money. And then there are the ads that seem to want nothing to do with cheer and goodwill, but rather to unsettle you someplace deep in your soul, so that you will never be "right" again.
I recently purchased three bags of apples, five packs of caramel wrap, and 100 razor blades, which can mean only one thing: it's Halloween time! A time when millions of children are at risk. Oh, not just those trick or treating at my door, but around the world. I'm talking about the mentally traumatizing affects of certain children's costumes. Seemingly innocent, merry disguises that lead to years of psychotherapy. Can purchasing the wrong costume for your child really cause mental illness?
Do you know what is even worse than a touchy subject like cat declawing that suddenly turns everyone around you into the Hulk? A touchy subject that turns everyone around you into Dear Abby. Try mentioning any of the below things to a large group of people -- or just try not hiding any of these things from a large group of people -- and you will have so much condescending advice on your hands that you could, I don't know, build a really annoying house out of it. You'll be surprised at how many people you like and respect will suddenly turn into advice columnists from hell. Just mention you are trying to lose a few pounds, and you will be inundated with Diet Experts. Some of them may understand the science, and some of them may have lost weight themselves, and sometimes both, but you can probably bet on neither.
On some level we already know that language shapes the way we think. We're automatically more afraid to fight a guy named Jack Savage than somebody named Peewee Nipplepuss, even if we've never seen either of them before. It's totally illogical, but you probably run into an example of that every day, and don't notice it. While we tend to think words are just sounds we make to express ideas, science is finding that language is more like a fun house mirror, warping what we see in mind-blowing ways. For instance ... Speaking English Makes Us More Likely to Blame People
Everybody needs a hobby, but people find release in many surprising ways. A mechanic might unwind by knitting, a ballet dancer might take up boxing. But what do you do to unwind after, say, a long day at the genocide factory? Just ask these guys:
In Cracked's continuous effort to make your local haunted house look like a boring pile of dog turds, we once again present the creepiest real places on Earth. Whether it's due to their bizarre histories, suspicious coincidences or good ol' human insanity, these are the locations even the die-hardest of atheists wouldn't venture into without a crucifix and a Super Soaker full of Pope-blessed water. Located smack in the middle of a swamp in the heart of Aztec country is the popular tourist destination La Isla de las Munecas , or Island of the Dolls, a name missing at least two adjectives and the word "fucking."
Remember being bored out of your skull because your parents dragged you to some stupid museum when you were a kid?