The Six Flags Mascot: Like Being Kicked in the Eyes By AIDS. Dear Six Flags Corporation, I am part of a minority in America, in that I dont have cable. Like the proud Somalians, I must resort to piracy if I am to fulfill my material and entertainment needs. That is, until last week when my TV inexplicably started having all the major network channels where once there was static. I guess the Somalian analogy there would be getting sniped in the face, but in a good way. And though I have since been enjoying occasionally-flickering episodes of House and the Simpsons/Family Guy hybrid that The Simpsons has become, Ive also been repeatedly reminded why I canceled my cable in the first place.
No, Im not talking about commercial breaks, episode preemption or Two and a Half Men. Fuck. Lets make one thing clear: This man has no business giving me advice on anything post-Cold War Era, let alone my choice of amusement park. Whered you get this guy? Theres only one thing Id buy from this man. And come on: More Flags. Its a nonsensical turd of a slogan. What They Really Meant: The Billy Bob Thornton Tantrum. Here on the Cracked Blog, it's often in our interest to mock celebrities. We call it "our beat," because usually reading articles about celebrities makes you want to beat them. But frankly, it can get stale.
It's pretty easy to do--most celebrities are terrible people or incredibly screwed up--and after a while you just start feeling sad for them. That, and you realize you're spending many hundreds of hours of your life writing about people you wouldn't cross the street to spit on. But occasionally, that old magic comes back.
Some video or news item reminds you why you started doing this in the first place. Billy Bob Thornton's interview on the CBC radio show Q was such an event for me. In honor of such a grand occasion, I sent away for (and promptly received) the DVD copy of said interview. When not reading minds, Michael serves as head writer for and co-founder of Those Aren't Muskets! Cracked TV - The 8 Most Unintentionally Hilarious Amateur Music Videos. Cracked TV - 6 Creative Ways To Ruin Your Own Wedding. Cracked TV - The 7 Most Incredible Displays of Pointless Talents.