Formula for Love: How Long Should You Wait to Text Back? A few years ago there was a woman in my life—let’s call her Tanya—and we had hooked up one night in Los Angeles.
We’d both attended a birthday party, and when things were winding down, she offered to drop me off at home. We had been chatting and flirting a little the whole night, so I asked her to come in for a drink. At the time, I was subletting a pretty nice house up in the Hollywood Hills. It was kind of like that house De Niro had in Heat, but a little more my vibe than the vibe of a really skilled robber who takes down armored cars. I made us both a nice cocktail and we took turns throwing on records while we chatted and laughed. One Third of Relationships Has This Problem. Does Yours? For When You Think That No One Will Love You. You can never quite remember the actual moments when someone says that they love you for the first time.
You wait for it so long, practice how you will respond, prevent yourself from saying it before them (you wouldn’t want to look desperate), and then it happens, and it’s like you go temporarily deaf. There is a ringing, like a TV show that has cut off to go to an emergency announcement. This is an emergency announcement. And you can’t even hear it. Soulmates, Twin Flames and Kindred Spirits — What’s the Difference? Photo by: Cameron Gray Love.
It exists within all people, places and things. The Pain Of Being In Love With Someone You Can Never Be With. Love is a tricky thing.
It varies in intensity and in the specificity of emotions. It is sometimes the most beautiful thing in the world and, at other times, it’s the most horrid thing we’ve ever come face-to-face with. Love, Sex, and the World Between. Why We Fall in Love: The Paradoxical Psychology of Romance and Why Frustratio... Adrienne Rich, in contemplating how love refines our truths, wrote: “An honorable human relationship — that is, one in which two people have the right to use the word ‘love’ — is a process, delicate, violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other.”
But among the dualities that lend love both its electricity and its exasperation — the interplay of thrill and terror, desire and disappointment, longing and anticipatory loss — is also the fact that our pathway to this mutually refining truth must pass through a necessary fiction: We fall in love not just with a person wholly external to us but with a fantasy of how that person can fill what is missing from our interior lives.
Psychoanalyst Adam Phillips addresses this central paradox with uncommon clarity and elegance in Missing Out: In Praise of the Unlived Life (public library). Phillips writes: Missing Out, previously discussed here, is a magnificent read in its totality.