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In The Know: Is The Government Spying On Paranoid Schizophrenics Enough? | The Onion - America's Finest News Source | Onion News Network. Prison Economy Spirals As Price Of Pack Of Cigarettes Exceeds Two Hand Jobs | The Onion - America's Finest News Source | Onion News Network. 'Warcraft' Sequel Lets Gamers Play A Character Playing 'Warcraft' | The Onion - America's Finest News Source | Onion News Network.

Ex-Pedophile Shares Tips On How To Make Your Kids Less Attractive | The Onion - America's Finest News Source | Onion News Network. Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work | The Onion - America's Finest News Source | Onion News Network. Report: Baby Skull Jewelry May Be Linked To Violence | The Onion - America's Finest News Source | Onion News Network. Breaking News: Series Of Concentric Circles Emanating From Glowing Red Dot | The Onion - America's Finest News Source | Onion News Network. Breaking News: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere | The Onion - America's Finest News Source | Onion News Network. Hot New Video Game Consists Solely Of Shooting People Point-Blank In The Face | The Onion - America's Finest News Source | Onion News Network.

Diet Book Author Advocates New 'No Food Diet' | The Onion - America's Finest News Source | Onion News Network. Scientists Successfully Teach Gorilla It Will Die Someday | The Onion - America's Finest News Source | Onion News Network. Is Using A Minotaur To Gore Detainees A Form Of Torture? | The Onion - America's Finest News Source | Onion News Network. Study: Alzheimer’s Patients Say They Do Not Have Alzheimer’s | The Onion - America's Finest News Source | Onion News Network. DNA Evidence Frees Black Man Convicted Of Bear Attack | The Onion - America's Finest News Source | Onion News Network. Social Security Scam Robs Elderly By Convincing Them They Are Dead | The Onion - America's Finest News Source | Onion News Network. Mexico Builds Border Wall To Keep Out U.S. Assholes | The Onion - America's Finest News Source | Onion News Network.