For works written from a sociological viewpoint, use subjects in the SOCIAL SCIENCE section. The Top 10 Traits That Attract A Man To A Woman. Is it her body? Hair? Scent? Sense of humor? We found out the top ten things that attract a man. Everyone knows men are visual creatures, so one would assume a guy's initial attraction will most certainly be dominated by a lady's obvious physical strengths and not the ones hidden beneath her shiny exterior.
Sure, it's a nice bonus if she's bright and congenial, but more often than not her pillowy lips, cascading hair and hourglass figure will etch the deepest impression those first few meet and greets. Sort of. YourTango teamed up with Glo.com and Chemistry.com and surveyed 20,000 people to determine the answers to all these burning questions. Here's the official list of what initially attracts a man to a woman: 1.) Here's what attracts a man to a woman in the long-term: 1.) The takeaway? Power of Attraction content is sponsored by Zestra, a safe, natural, easy-to-apply blend of botanical oils that enhances female sexual pleasure, sensation, sensitivity and satisfaction. The Top 10 Traits That Attract A Man To A Woman. What Are the Benefits of Couples Counseling Before Marriage? Counseling during your engagement can decrease the chances of divorce and set a precedent for how you cope with future problems, according to psychologist Seth Myers in his article, "Benefits of Pre-Marital Counseling: Successful Marriage," in "Psychology Today.
" Receiving premarital counseling can help reinforce healthy communication techniques and prevent destructive relationship patterns from developing. Premarital counselors may start out by asking you to share what you love about your partner. Focusing on each other's positive attributes and showing gratitude and appreciation can help build a strong foundation for a healthy marriage, says psychologist and author Shannon Kolakowski. While counseling methods vary between practitioners, couples often complete an assessment that highlights strengths and weaknesses, explore goals and differences and participate in relationship skill training, according to psychologist Renee Gilbert. LIVESTRONG.COM Most Popular. Gottman's Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse - Couples Therapy Inc ~ Worldwide. Research has shown that there are some patterns of interaction in a relationship that are very destructive to love: the four things that really destroy marriages.
The four interactions below are the most important of these, according to research by John Gottman, Ph.D. It is a problem if you do it at home, and you will learn to recognize it and I will help you to stop it, if you do it in therapy. He calls them “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. First Horseman – Criticism The first one is criticism. Can’t I Complain? Of course. Criticism Vs. A complaint is not like a criticism. A criticism is an attack on the person. Here is an example: You have discovered that the toilet seat is up. Complaint: “The toilet seat is up again. Criticism: “What’s wrong with you? What’s Wrong with Criticism? Criticism is really a problem, because you’re suggesting that the problem is really THE OTHER PERSON.
With a complaint, the couple kicks the problem around, like a soccer ball. Second Horseman – Defensiveness. The Effects of Criticism on Relationships. Again and again in my work with couples I see the destructive effect criticism can have on a relationship. In this article I would like to explore what my three favorite relationship experts have to say about criticism and its effects on relationships.
Drs. John & Julie Gottman The therapists who have done the most research on the effects of criticism on relationships were undoubtedly Drs. John and Julie Gottman. The two are famous for their “love lab,” in which hundreds of couples were screened, interviewed and observed over the course of two decades. They came up with a metaphor to describe four communication styles that can predict the end of a relationship. CriticismContemptDefensivenessStonewalling For the purposes of this article I will only be focusing on the first and second of these “horsemen.”
Criticizing your partner is different than offering a critique or voicing a complaint. For example, a complaint might be: “We haven’t gone on vacation together in so long! Stan Tatkin. How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship. Conflict gets a bad rap. We automatically assume that conflict will collapse a relationship.
Some of us avoid conflict like the plague, thinking that if we close our eyes to a potential clash, it doesn’t exist. “Engaging in conflict isn’t going to end the relationship, it’s avoiding the conflict [that might],” according to Michael Batshaw, LCSW, a New York City-based psychologist who specializes in couples and author of 51 Things You Should Know Before Getting Engaged. He said that, “No problem is too small to acknowledge in a relationship.” Michigan relationship expert Terri Orbuch, Ph.D, agreed, and said, “sweat the small stuff.”
Her almost 24-year research study with the same couples found that if you don’t address the small issues in your relationship, they just evolve into a bigger problem that’s then “really hard to unpack.” But how do you make sure that conflict doesn’t ruin your relationship and instead helps it grow? But just remember that these are general guidelines. 11 Hints for Resolving Relationship Irritations. Dirty socks left on the floor — the fifth time this week — texting during your dinner date, forgetting to take the trash out — again — and what seems like endless interruptions when you talk. These are just some of the irritations couples deal with on a day-to-day basis. But while we’re taught not to sweat the small stuff and to pick our battles, it’s these tiny transgressions that can build and become big stumbling blocks in a relationship. (For instance, a longitudinal study of 373 married couples found that happy couples do sweat the small stuff and work to resolve these issues right away.)
So how do you resolve relationship annoyances without nitpicking, nagging or tiptoeing around your partner (and fuming on the inside)? Three couples specialists offer their tips for finding a happy medium and fostering a fulfilling relationship. 1. Get to the real issue. As psychologist David Bricker, Ph.D, says, “it’s never about the socks, it’s what you didn’t get from your father.” 2. 3. 4. 5.
8 Surprising Myths About Relationships. There are hundreds of myths about relationships, according to Terri Orbuch, Ph.D, a Michigan clinical psychologist and author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great. The problem with persistent myths is that they can erode a relationship’s happiness, she said. When you think a relationship should be a certain way, and yours isn’t, frustration sets in.
And “frustration is the number one thing that eats away at a relationship,” Orbuch said, and “it’s directly tied to these myths.” That’s why it’s so critical to bust the below misconceptions. So without further ado, here are eight myths about relationships that might surprise you. 1. Fact: “The strongest most enduring relationships take lots of hard work,” said Lisa Blum, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist in Pasadena and Los Angeles, who specializes in emotionally-focused therapy with couples. She likened a healthy relationship to a good garden.
But how do you know if you’re working too hard on a relationship? 2. 3. 4. 5. 5 Steps to a Successful Marriage. “It doesn’t take hard work to keep a relationship happy or stable over time,” says Terri Orbuch, Ph.D, psychologist and author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great. According to her research, consistent, small and simple changes create a successful marriage. Below, she outlines the five steps from her book for a happy and healthy marriage, and gives practical suggestions that couples can try right now. These tips are valuable for anyone in a relationship, whether you’ve walked down the aisle or not. Science-Based Steps Orbuch’s steps are based on an ongoing long-term study funded by the National Institutes of Health. Since 1986, she’s followed the same 373 couples, which were married that year. Couples were chosen from marriage licenses from one Midwestern county, and then approached to participate in the study.
Couples were interviewed together and as individuals, and completed a variety of standardized measures on subjects like well being and depression. 1. 2. 3. 7 Simple Steps to Improve Your Relationship. There are so many books and articles written about how to communicate effectively that it often can be overwhelming knowing what to believe. Below are some of the most important factors couples need to focus on to improve their relationship. My ideas are based on my observations of working with hundreds of couples over the last 10 years. 1. Seek to understand before trying to be understood. One of the most common negative patterns I see in my work with couples is the cycle of criticism and defensiveness. This often happens when you hear something you perceive as an attack or criticism from your partner, which leads you immediately to defend yourself.
This pattern sets both of you up not to be heard. 2. Many issues get out of control because once this dynamic of criticism and defense is under way, the interaction often moves very quickly. If you notice that your discussion is moving too quickly, intentionally put on the brakes and slow down the exchange. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. Attention Couples: Becoming a Skilled Listener and Effective Speaker. It’s likely that just about every person would say they’re a good listener. But listening isn’t an innate ability all people possess; it’s a skill we need to cultivate.
And it’s a critical one for couples, because the foundation of successful communication is being able to truly listen to each other, without “constructing a counter argument in your head,” according to Michael Batshaw, LCSW, a relationship expert and author of a blog about getting engaged. Even if you agree on a topic, “if listening is ineffective, there will be sparks,” said Susan Heitler, Ph.D, a Denver clinical psychologist and author of the book The Power of Two: Secrets of a Strong & Loving Marriage.
In fact, if you and your partner are getting into frequent spats, your listening skills may be to blame, not that you chose the wrong partner or the problem is too difficult, Heitler said. (Interestingly, people tend to pay the least amount of attention to building their listening skills, she added.) Body language counts. Happy Marriage Depends on the Husband’s Attitude | NLP Discoveries. A team of researchers from the University of Chicago has discovered that in longer marriages, the health and personality of the husband may be crucial to avoiding conflict and maintaining happiness.
The study, published in the Journal of Marriage and Family surveyed older adults who were participating in the National Social Life Health and Aging Project and compared the characteristics of husbands and wives between the ages of 63 and 90 years old whose marriages had lasted an average of 39 years. The study discovered that when the husband showed a higher level of positivity, the wife in a couple reported less marital conflict. Interestingly, positivity levels had no effect on their husbands’ reports of conflict. According to Professor of Urban Sociology and director of the Center on Aging at NORC Linda J.
Furthermore, men who described themselves as extroverts or as neurotic tended to have wives who had more complaints about the quality of the marriage. 1. 2. A. B. C. Boundaries. Attention Couples: Becoming a Skilled Listener and Effective Speaker. Communication Pitfalls & Pointers for Couples; Psych Central. Communication is the bedrock of relationships. But when two people with different backgrounds, perspectives and concerns get together, there are many things that can go wrong along the way. Susan Heitler, Ph.D, a Denver-based clinical psychologist who works with couples and authored the book The Power of Two: Secrets of a Strong & Loving Marriage, shares five common communication pitfalls and practical ways to overcome them. 1.
Pitfall: Not knowing the rules. Constructive communication has various principles, some of which you or your partner might not know naturally. For instance, your childhood has a lot to do with how you communicate. Also, some people don’t realize that when they’re communicating, they might be doing something that’s hurtful to their partner. When it comes to criticism, a wife who feels she’s not being listened to might say, “When I had problems with my co-workers, you blew me off.” Instead of criticizing your partner, discuss your concerns. 2. 3. 4. 5.
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