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BuzzFeed Video. The Demartini Relationship Bundle. 30 Ways to Improve Your Relationship. 75 Ways to Show Love. Sustainable Love - Tara Parker-Pope on Happy Marriages. But for many couples, it’s just not enough to stay together.

Sustainable Love - Tara Parker-Pope on Happy Marriages

They want a relationship that is meaningful and satisfying. In short, they want a sustainable marriage. “The things that make a marriage last have more to do with communication skills, , social support, stress — those are the things that allow it to last or not,” says Arthur Aron, a professor who directs the Interpersonal Relationships Laboratory at the State University of New York at Stony Brook. “But those things don’t necessarily make it meaningful or enjoyable or sustaining to the individual.” The notion that the best marriages are those that bring satisfaction to the individual may seem counterintuitive. Not anymore. Caryl Rusbult, a researcher at Vrije University in Amsterdam who died last January, called it the “Michelangelo effect,” referring to the manner in which close partners “sculpt” each other in ways that help each of them attain valued goals.

Dr. To measure this, Dr. In experiments by Dr. Why our relationships fail - Robin S. Cohen, Ph.D. How do we first begin to experience love?

why our relationships fail - Robin S. Cohen, Ph.D.

Perhaps as babies, as early psychoanalysts Fairbairn and Guntrip believed, the only way we could feel loved was by having our needs met. The language of bodily transformation was the language of love. Mommy feeds us, changes our diaper or picks us up and we feel satisfied. This feeling of satisfaction and security may be the early equivalent to feeling loved. Love becomes represented by how satisfied and safe our caretakers make us feel; how easily and well they transform our bad feelings into good ones. Why We Love: 5 Must-Read Books on the Psychology of Love.

It’s often said that every song, every poem, every novel, every painting ever created is in some way “about” love.

Why We Love: 5 Must-Read Books on the Psychology of Love

What this really means is that love is a central theme, an underlying preoccupation, in humanity’s greatest works. But what exactly is love? How does its mechanism spur such poeticism, and how does it lodge itself in our minds, hearts and souls so completely, so stubbornly, as to permeate every aspect of the human imagination? Today, we turn to 5 essential books that are “about” love in a different way — they turn an inquisitive lens towards this grand phenomenon and try to understand where it comes from, how it works, and what it means for the human condition. No superlative is an exaggeration of Alain de Botton‘s humble brilliance spanning everything from philosophy to architecture.

Every fall into love involves [to adapt Oscar Wilde] the triumph of hope over self-knowledge. Sample her work with this fantastic TED talk on the brain in love: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.: Is This Love or Emotional Dependency? One of my clients, whose ex-girlfriend recently broke up with him, asked me the following question: I think I still love her, but is this love or just emotional dependency?

Margaret Paul, Ph.D.: Is This Love or Emotional Dependency?

Many times I ask myself if falling in love comes from the wounded self because (for me at least) it feels as if I can't live without the other person. When I give love from the heart, I don't expect anything back, but when I "fall in love" I think this is a different energy. Which Part of You Is In Love? Falling in love can come from two different inner states. The Science of a Happy Marriage. Stuart Bradford Why do some men and women cheat on their partners while others resist the temptation?

The Science of a Happy Marriage

To find the answer, a growing body of research is focusing on the science of commitment. Scientists are studying everything from the biological factors that seem to influence marital stability to a person’s psychological response after flirting with a stranger. Their findings suggest that while some people may be naturally more resistant to temptation, men and women can also train themselves to protect their relationships and raise their feelings of commitment. Recent studies have raised questions about whether genetic factors may influence commitment and marital stability. Over all, men who carried a variation in the gene were less likely to be married, and those who had wed were more likely to have had serious marital problems and unhappy wives.

Although the trait is often called the “fidelity gene,” Mr. No pattern emerged among the study participants who imagined a routine encounter. 31 Ways To Know You're In The Right Relationship. As anyone living in the age of depressing divorce rates knows, a happy long-term couple is almost like a unicorn: If by some miracle you encounter it, you can't stop staring, and you have a feeling no one will ever believe you when you tell them you saw it.

31 Ways To Know You're In The Right Relationship

The Internet is filled with articles on how to decide when to end it, how to recognize when your relationship is toxic, codependent, one-sided, stagnant, asexual, manipulative. But we don't talk all that often about what defines a happy relationship. Picture it: You're dating someone new. You're waiting to feel the toxic stagnant codependency.