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Great Truths About Life. This page is brought to you by UC Berkeley Parents Network Back to the Jokes & Quotes Collection 1.

Great Truths About Life

No matter how hard you try, you cannot baptize cats. 2. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3. If you sister hits you, don't hit her back. 10/1/30/9:39pm. Encyclopedia of Humor. 1 I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way.

Encyclopedia of Humor

So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. 2 Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. Great Quotes by Great Ladies. Old age ain't no place for sissies.

Great Quotes by Great Ladies

-Bette Davis A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. -Rhonda Hansome The phrase "working mother"! Douglas Adams Quotes. He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.

Douglas Adams Quotes

Douglas Adams He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Mitch Hedberg Jokes. Jokes cleaned up for this website.

Mitch Hedberg Jokes

I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. Profquotes. TM): Great quotes by comedians. Great quotes by comedians ----- Begin NetScrap(TM) ----- Great quotes by comedians "If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.

TM): Great quotes by comedians

" --Bobcat Goldthwait "I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. Mitch Hedberg quotes. Things People Said: Courtroom Quotations. The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.

Things People Said: Courtroom Quotations

Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child? "Witness: "I only have one, you know. " Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. 64 Funny, Inspiring and Stupid Money Quotes From Famous People. Wise Bread Picks People love quoting famous people.

64 Funny, Inspiring and Stupid Money Quotes From Famous People

Whether the celebrity in question is a genius or not, we love a good sound byte. We've collected quotes from presidents, movie stars, philosophers, athletes, and even Paris Hilton on everybody's favorite topic: Money. (See also: How Money Can Destroy Your Dreams)