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This page is brought to you by UC Berkeley Parents Network Back to the Jokes & Quotes Collection 1. No matter how hard you try, you cannot baptize cats. 2. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3. If you sister hits you, don't hit her back.

Great Truths About Life

Great Truths About Life
10/1/30/9:39pm - Polyvore
1 I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. 2 Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. Encyclopedia of Humor Encyclopedia of Humor

Great Quotes by Great Ladies

Great Quotes by Great LadiesInside every older lady is a younger lady -- wondering what the hell happened. -Cora Harvey Armstrong Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies. The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. -Helen Hayes (at 73) Great Quotes by Great Ladies
Douglas Adams Quotes He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which. Douglas Adams He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife.

Douglas Adams Quotes

Mitch Hedberg Jokes

Mitch Hedberg Jokes Jokes cleaned up for this website. I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling.
Great quotes by comedians ----- Begin NetScrap(TM) ----- Great quotes by comedians "If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me." --Bobcat Goldthwait "I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout.

TM): Great quotes by comedians

TM): Great quotes by comedians
Things People Said: Courtroom Quotations The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity. Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"Witness: "I only have one, you know." Lawyer: "Now, Mrs.

Things People Said: Courtroom Quotations

64 Funny, Inspiring and Stupid Money Quotes From Famous People 64 Funny, Inspiring and Stupid Money Quotes From Famous People Wise Bread Picks People love quoting famous people. Whether the celebrity in question is a genius or not, we love a good sound byte. We've collected quotes from presidents, movie stars, philosophers, athletes, and even Paris Hilton on everybody's favorite topic: Money. (See also: How Money Can Destroy Your Dreams)