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Zombie Apocalypse

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5 Popular Zombie Survival Tactics (That Will Get You Killed) Everybody has a zombie contingency plan. A unique and ingenious stratagem they've spent hours contemplating that ensures they and their loved ones will stay alive in the event of a zombie apocalypse. The only problem? You've got the exact same essential plan as everybody else: go raid the gun store, get out of the cities as fast as possible, find a sturdy base to fortify and hole up in, use a melee weapon whenever possible to conserve ammo and--if the worst does come to pass and you find yourself facing down a crowd of the undead--take your time, aim carefully and make every shot a head shot. Jesus, you're not going to last five minutes.

Here's why: #5. Raiding the Gun Store First things first: You need a firearm. The only problem being: So does everybody else. The closest gun shop to your house is also the closest gun shop to a thousand other people's houses, and at least a few dozen of them are going to get there before you. . #4. One man's traffic jam is another's buffet line. #3. . #2. . #1. Awww. Radiation Dosage Chart. Physics Is Beauty (Video)

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Zombie Apocalypse Survival Gear - True Swords. 6 Signs You're About to be Attacked by Zombies. Every Saturday, Cracked lets someone from another website do the update for us. They get to show off their stuff to our fans, and we get to be lazy while someone else does our job for us. In the latest example of our convenient selflessness, former Cracked writer Matt Wilson of the International Society of Supervillains lays out some sure signs you're about to be swarmed by the living dead.

It's as if it's almost Halloween or something. Your first instinct during a crisis is to go to your mall. As seen in: Dawn of the Dead (original and remake), Dead Rising Why it's a sign: Imagine a horde of zombies swarming down the main street of your town. That's because there are two types of people in this world: those who think of malls as grossly unsafe places to seek shelter during a zombie apocalypse, where the undead masses could hide out in clothes racks and toy bins and where glass doors serve as a flimsy barrier between them and the undead hordes outside.

Zombies are incredibly patient. How 7 Iconic Movie Characters Would Do In a Zombie Attack. There's not a movie on Earth that wouldn't be drastically improved by the addition of zombies. Whether it's a romantic comedy, a buddy cop flick or a documentary about global warming, the inclusion of a sudden attack by relentless, blood-thirsty zombies is a surefire way to make any movie more compelling, more thrilling and more award-winning.

To demonstrate this principle, we've hired a team of elite screenwriting geniuses who, using the finest Pentium computers available, are busy rewriting the classic movies of our age to include zombies. Below we present some of their work: Character studies used to illustrate how various iconic movie characters would handle a full scale zombie outbreak. John McClane (as seen in Die Hard) The Setup: John McClane, a New York cop, is visiting his wife in L.A. where they're soon trapped in the upper stories of the Nakatomi building by a group of Europeans. Available Weapons: Allies: None. Defensive Situation: Mental and Physical Toughness: Final Verdict: Wow. 25 Hidden Upsides to Living in a Zombie Apocalypse Slideshow. STREETS OF BEIGE. 5 Popular Zombie Survival Tactics (That Will Get You Killed)

5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen. That, ladies and gentlemen, is what we like to call a real, live, undead fucking zombie. So there. Chances this could cause a zombie apocalypse: Think about it. Under every legal system in the world, all rights and responsibilities are terminated at death. All it takes is someone with resources and a need for a mindless workforce of totally obedient slave labor. How long until somebody tries this? As seen in... What are they? How it can result in zombies: Scientists have already created a nano-cyborg, by fusing a tiny silicone chip to a virus. According to studies, within a decade they'll have nanobots that can crawl inside your brain and set up neural connections to replace damaged ones. Chances this could cause a zombie apocalypse: Do the math, people. Some day there will be nanobots in your brain. The nanobots will be programmed to self-replicate, and the death of the host will mean the end of the nanobots.

Science has proven it. 7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fail (Quickly) Let's pretend for a moment that zombies are real (as if half of you weren't already daydreaming about that very thing). Have you noticed how most zombie movies take place only after the apocalypse is in full-swing? By the time we join our survivors, the military and government are already wiped out, and none of the streets are safe. There's a reason the movie starts there, and not earlier. It's because the early part, where we go from one zombie to millions, doesn't make any sense. If you let the creeping buzzkill of logic into the zombie party, you realize the zombies would all be re-dead long before you even got a chance to fire up that chainsaw motorcycle you've been working on. Why? #7. Do you know why we, as humans, are at the top of the current food chain? We are simply too smart and too well-armed for any wild animal to hunt. If you're saying, "Sure, but it's not like my city is full of bears that can come eat all the zombies," you need to think smaller.

. #6. . #5. Look at it. #4. 12 Gadgets to Survive the Apocalypse. Now is a good time to ponder the apocalypse. Iran and North Korea are going nuclear, the wonky weather is a harbinger of catastrophic climate change, and end-of-the-world blockbusters abound. (Tim Burton's '9' came out last week and '2012,' 'The Road,' and 'Zombieland' are all coming up later this fall.)

In that dismal spirit, the Switched team has gathered its first choices for last-chance gadgetry -- a collection of 12 must-haves if society is in peril, whether it be by fire or ice, zombies or aliens. Using our handy "What Type of Apocalypse Will It Be? " chart below, you'll be able to find the right gadgets for the right disaster and the ensuing fallout. We've prepared for all possibilities (Needs for speed, power, disease prevention, water sources, and survivalist entertainment, among others, are all accounted for.), but have left out weapons -- that's a whole other enchilada. ACR Electronics Microfix Personal Beacon Scope Ford F-650 XUV Eton American Red Cross Solarlink FR360 Radio. Public Restrooms. Public restrooms serve as both a creative playground for horrible people, and also as an outlet for those who like wrecking a place. Beware: it's dangerous in there. &&(navigator.userAgent.indexOf('Tri Just The Facts 110% of the craps taken in a public restroom are diarrhea.

Landmarks, Hazards and Annoyances Public restrooms are a veritable wasteland of desperation and diarrhea. Public restrooms always include at least all of the following... Graffiti - Definitely the highlight of a typical field trip to the crapper. Hieroglypshits, if you will. Turdffiti - The worst thing you can find in a bathroom. Floor Turd (could also be a Sink, Wall, or Toilet Tank Turd) - Turds on the ground. Broken Toilet - Happens every time you have to take an earth shattering, spleen passing, life threatening zeppelin of a dump.

Pee Gel - Describes the coagulated layer of urine present on every public restroom floor. Glory Hole - Where perverts live. Log Paper - Sometimes there will be toilet paper available.