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Treating my cat’s barfiness with alien tech and a hidden Swiss quantum computer. Quantum computers remain in their nascent stages; scientists still get excited at modest achievements like manipulating two quantum bits (“qubits”) for even a few seconds. How puny our scientific goals must seem when extraterrestrial beings have already moved on to treating diseases uncurable by humanity using a quantum computer nestled in a secret location somewhere inside Switzerland. This is the way of things, according to Dr. J.S. Van Cleave, who runs QuantumMan, a website that sells the “world’s first downloadable medicine” courtesy of the mysterious Zurich Alpine Group (ZAG). The site hawks all manner of cures, from veterinary treatments to chiropractic adjustments along with “fat killers,” laxatives, detoxes, and sexual dysfunction cures.

Want a vaccine against colds, malaria, or the flu? I called Dr. Or, in the company's own words: Sounds plausible. I was taken to a page with a GIF meant to show that science was happening. What is the relationship between Van Cleave and Uehara? Word of the Day. Quadrivial Quandary: A Vocabulary and Sentencecraft Challenge for Logophiles of All Stripes! Word of the Day. Oxford English Dictionary WOTD.